Feeling Alive in 2013!

‘What do I want to be when I grow up?” joked a client as he explored the prospect of making his New Years resolutions. (He wasn't actually joking.) By now he has established his resolutions and probably, like most of us, knows -or at least has a sense of- whether he will be achieving them or not. Personally, mine will always be more achievable if they are proactive or positive – as opposed to stopping something, depriving myself, or not doing something.

This year I decided to create resolutions in 3 categories ….. what I want to BE more of, DO more of and HAVE more of: The first leads naturally to the second which leads naturally to the third.: Being, Doing and Having always work best in that order, and I find myself more easily successful in my ‘resolution quest’.  For those who are searching for ‘What do I want to be when I grow up?”, this order of focus forces an exploration that in itself can be a powerful way to begin a new year!

So did my client answer his own question? Well yes, after some self-examination he did. And I believe this quote, which I shared with him, helped some!

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  Howard Thurman

Sums up my Being and Doing resolutions for 2013 quite nicely!

Image by Digitalart

What Purpose?

I came across this Charlie Brown cartoon the other day, and once I’d stopped smiling, it got me thinking – about purpose and about having a sense of it. Meditating on this thought I recollected reading somewhere that for us humans a sense of purpose is almost as strong and significant as the need for sex. I wonder if the endless search for happiness preoccupying so many of us is really all about connecting with meaning and a sense of purpose?

I once attended a talk about the significance of purpose, given by Satish Kumar. He challenged us to consider that the Body, Mind, Spirit movement is no longer relevant – because it’s too ego-centric, even narcissistic - all about MY body, MY mind, MY spirit. Point taken! Instead he proposed a new concept; Soul, Soil and Society: the idea of nurturing one’s soul (self-care; living a more balanced life), in order to feel a more responsible, nurturing connection to the planet (soil) and ultimately to understand that we are all linked, made up of the same stuff, and so we had better take care of each other (society). When all is said and done, we will inevitably find that the most gratifying sense of purpose always involves giving and generating love. Satish finished; “I am only here speaking to you because you are here, listening. You are, therefore I am.”

A lovely concept that I invite us all to weave into our celebration this Christmas. May it be a merry one!

Give or Take

Inexplicably linked to gratitude (and Thanksgiving) is, in my humble opinion, generosity.
I recall a story I once heard about generosity, illustrating how difficult it is to actually put qualities such as gratitude and generosity into daily practice. The story was about a priest who was traveling around the farming community he served, visiting his parishioners. One group of farmers was particularly engaging and he spent some time preaching about the virtues of generosity, charity and kindness. Finally he asked them all to imagine they had one more car than they needed. Then he asked them what they would do with the extra car. One of the farmers immediately responded enthusiastically; “I would give it away to someone who needed it.”
“Now that’s what I call charitable!” the priest exclaimed. “And what if you had two houses? What would you do with the second one?”
“I would give the second one to homeless people,” replied the farmer at once eager to please.
“The spirit of generosity indeed!” the priest smiled with approval. “What if you had two chickens, “ he continued, “what would you do?”
The farmer became suddenly serious. “Why I would keep them both!” he retorted.
“Now why would you, who have been so kind-hearted with great things, all of a sudden cease being generous when it comes to a couple of small chickens?” asked the priest
The farmer replied, “Because I have two chickens!”

Such a great illustration of how we humans can find it so difficult to live according to what we preach – to ‘walk our talk ‘as they say – especially when old emotional fear patterns and self-centredness take over! The thing is when they do, we actually feel uncomfortable, unhappy, because on some level we know we are not living in alignment with our values.

The very good news is that science is repeatedly showing us it’s all in the wiring of the brain – AND we can, by being mindful, actually take charge and change the wiring – be what we really want to be! In the case of the farmer (if he indeed was really as generous as he professed to be) give away that second chicken trusting that ‘what goes around comes around’.

To learn more about coaching and resources that can help ‘change the wiring’, check out www.TheBeingEffect.com

One Thing We Take For Granted

Sitting in a very crowded London tube train the other day, I couldn’t help but overhear two young men – college students – conversing next to me. One of them was describing the gift he was creating for his parents’ anniversary, an elaborately mounted photo collage he clearly found difficult to complete. It sounded like a time consuming project.  “It’s an upgrade of the gift I made for their wedding, I think it will be good enough, don’t you?” he said to his friend. I was curious about the back-story but his obvious care and thoughtfulness over-rode my curiosity. He struck me as being somewhat un-typical of that age group, or of how we normally perceive that age group, and the humbling thought occurred to me that we possibly underestimate young people because of their youth. I immediately felt a surge of gratitude for my own daughter at that age and the constant care and thoughtfulness she exhibited, and still does. I wonder how many of us have someone in our lives who is especially caring, a person who goes that extra mile, but who we don't necessarily remember to acknowledge for it?  This young man on the tube reminded me not only how important it is to recognize young people, but how important it is to shift our focus away from anyone that bothers or upsets us towards those that care, and that show us they care. Won't you join me in appreciating kind, considerate people, of all ages, a little more?

Monty's Corner

I was recently asked to write an article for Monty’s Corner – a wonderful website that offers online information and activities for children who are going through cancer treatments or finished treatments, and online services and information for their parents. Having worked with a few families with children suffering from childhood leukaemia, I was able to share some experiences of tools that I have found can help families cope with this very difficult challenge. You can read the article here: http://bit.ly/WE9l0r
Should you, or anyone you know be in such a situation, do check out this very special, much needed and helpful website!
http://bit.ly/Pmc3pB

What Self-Control?

Having fasted for two days, I sat down with a good conscience, a fruit smoothy and a piece of chocolate to read an article about self-control. The author of the article claimed that psychologists have isolated the personal qualities that predict positive outcomes in life as being intelligence and self-control. So excited is he about this idea that he has gone on to write a complete book about self-control, claiming it’s the ultimate secret to a successful life. Hmmmmm, I wonder if that is merely his interpretation of the findings that the qualities embodied in emotional intelligence are the greatest predictor of success and fulfillment? I suspect this is at least a twist on that research and if so we can safely say that the interpretation skews the findings so much that it squeezes the very essence out - that essence being emotion. While the article goes on to make many good points – such as that self-control is driven in part by our physiology and so is greatly affected by what we eat and how much sleep we’ve had (stating this as if it’s a new discovery hints at that the article was not written by a mother :-) – The writer goes on to say that the best way to improve self-control is by first setting a goal and then monitoring your own behaviour.  Whoa – this is where I beg to differ, for where is the critical ingredient - emotion? The underlying cause of most lack of self-control is emotional, usually an emotional need that is not being met, and if all we do is set a goal and monitor our behaviour, we could miss the root cause altogether and just end up stuffing those driving feelings with who knows what dysfunctional results. Where is the intelligence in that? No, I must put my two bits in here: there is a step we need to take first, before any other, and that step is awareness– self-awareness and specifically emotional self-awareness. Only after we know what we feel and why we feel it can we hope to make any permanent change in how we control ourselves…… and oh yes, what we eat! I believe that brings us full circle?

Debunking a Myth!

Planning to write a Blog about coaching the so called ‘soft skills’ I sat down at my computer. As occasionally happens, I was almost immediately distracted by another idea; the qualities and skills of a good coach. I began writing, but two sentences in yet an other idea came to me; high achieving athletes and what we can learn from them! Considering the recent Olympics and the upcoming Paralympics I thought writing about the role of discipline and stick-to-it-iveness versus raw talent would be timely. Oh dear - too many directions! I felt like someone driving round a roundabout not knowing which exit to take. A cup of tea was what I needed! I took a break and put the kettle on, picking up the day’s paper. An article caught my eye: The Talent Myth. I began reading, quickly mesmerized, for there were all three of my topics written about in one article! And brilliantly so! Incredulous and delighted I went back to my computer – not to write but to search for the article on-line, so that rather than re-invent the wheel, I could offer you a link to a very interesting read!
http://ind.pn/SJqQdL

The Real Body Beautiful

Rarely has there been such a display of beautiful bodies as at the recent Olympics ….. and living as I do in London, well – the display has been everywhere! And healthy beautiful bodies too – how refreshing- the radiant health is in itself beautiful! Makes my mind wander to other ways that the body is beautiful, ways we don’t normally consider. One of those ways, to me, is the language of the body, not just it’s expression outwardly but inwardly, the way the body speaks to us, internally (if we just listen). The body tells us how and what we feel, when we feel pleasure, when we feel pain, and when we need to speed up or slow down - which we often ignore at our peril!  It tells us when we have excess energy (like anger); if we listen we can transform that energy into something useful (like outrage) that can drive us to taking action to help us achieve and attract what we want. If we ‘listen’ to the pleasure, rather than rushing on to our next 'vital action', we can stop for just a moment and enjoy it, relish the pleasure long enough for it to release more endorphins and hormones that will boost our immune system, slow down our ageing process, increase motivation, make our brains more creative and can even reduce cravings, as well as give us a glow that – guess what – makes us more beautiful on the outside! Gives the old saying ‘beauty comes from within’ a whole new meaning!

Olympic Movement

The Olympics are all around me here in London: endless activity, movement, exertion and speed! Then excitement, joy, pride, disappointment, regret, frustration, humility, elation, delight, and many more emotions – and constant, endless, perpetual movement ………..

The word ‘move’ has the same Latin root as the word emotion – emovere*.  Makes sense, right?  – not only do emotions move through us 24/7, (whether we are aware of them or not), their power is unmatched. They cause us to say things we try to find ways to un-say; they cause us to do things we wish we could undo. They can also fill us up with energy and drive us to achieve amazing things – as demonstrated here in London by so many right now!

Observing all these wonderful athletes from around the world, coming together in the only event that momentarily suspends differences and places all nationalities peacefully on common ground,  I wonder how many of the athletes are using their true ability to manage their emotions to help them achieve their goals and their medals?  Would becoming more emotionally aware and mindful help us all to spread the experience of equality and peace beyond the Olympics?

Personally, I believe it would – and does.

* Latin emovere, from e- (variant of ex-) 'out' + movere 'move'.

Cotton-Wool or Free-Range Kids?

For some time now I have strongly suspected that we have become far more attached to our technology than is good for us. (Contrary to what this sentence may indicate, I am NOT about to embark on technology-bashing!) Recently it seems every newspaper and periodical I pick up has an article that in some way points to my suspicion as survey after survey shows that we are increasingly living technology-filled and virtually nature-free lives! One article posed the question” Cotton-wool kids – or free-range children?” I wonder, do we consciously make that choice, or is it just happening as we get wrapped up in texting, tweeting, emailing and friending, while we try to navigate the increasing demands on our time as well as that of our children – scheduling all their activities, not to mention ensuring their protection – and ending our days by collapsing in front of the TV? 
Apparently less than ten percent of children today regularly play in the free outdoors, (this compares to fifty percent of their parents when they were children). One study shows that kids can more easily identify a fictional character from TV than a wild animal. We all know that obesity levels have tripled in the last decade, and children’s mental  health is on a sharp decline.
Technology in and of itself is, of course, not the culprit; it’s the way we employ it - our indiscriminate use of it - that’s the problem. Social media was never meant to disconnect us from nature. It was, and is, merely meant to be a tool that, if anything should give us more freedom!
So while I’m on a roll speculating, I hypothesize that if each time we go to use that tool, to for example text, we ask ourselves is this really necessary, we may find it is not! If each time we click the facebook tab to check the latest posts, we ask ourselves do I need to do this now; or when we go to check our emails for the fifth time today we question the necessity, we may discover the answer is no. And when we reach for the cell phone for whatever reason we instead stop and look around us and take a moment to connect with our environment, directly through our senses, maybe we would glance upon a leaf or a tree and be reminded of nature, wherever we find it. Practising such self-questioning, we may eventually discover we have a little more time to get out into nature and to take our children out into nature, not for the purpose of DOING anything specific, but for no other reason than to just enJOY it – freely………. free-range!