Thursday, June 13, 2013

You Are Lovable And Capable!

You are loveable and capable! Innately we all are and we are all born ‘knowing’ this. I see it in the eyes of my beautiful one-year-old granddaughter; she knows she is loveable and she knows she is capable of everything she needs to do at this point in time. It’s glorious to watch – but when I later sit with myself or my clients, I am not quite so thrilled as I observe the self-sabotaging beliefs so many of us have developed, which include believing we are not loveable, or fearing we are not capable.

These beliefs are programmed into us, one by one, by well-meaning parents and other adults who tell us to try harder – that it’s not quite good enough, or watch out, you’ll get hurt! Much of the programming is of course necessary for us to survive and to thrive, but too much of it is not. So what to do when you’re a grown-up with such beliefs?  

Well, there are many techniques out there that can help us change such limiting beliefs – some more effective than others. For me, the most important factor in any technique is the emotional component; recognizing and addressing that our emotions drive our thinking; that our beliefs are just thoughts and perceptions wrapped in emotions., and therefore the most important thing to focus on is changing the underlying emotion – which starts with knowing what the emotion is.  Seems like a ‘duh’ point to make – but it strikes me that it needs to be made, over and over.

We are all moving through life faster and faster, with more and more to do, and ever expanding technology we need to master in order that we can do even more. And the first thing that gets lost in this process is our awareness of, and sensitivity to, our emotions.  We have no time, and so we ignore any little niggle or stress and instead forge ahead, either powering through whatever new tasks or challenges present themselves or procrastinating without taking the time to feel and so address why we might be avoiding whatever it is. But the emotions are still there, building up inside us one by one, until there is such a big pile of them – inevitably re-enforcing the fear that we are not really capable, and the belief that we may not be so loveable after all. If this resonates, I say to you as I say to myself, STOP.
Take a moment and check in.
Dare to be still.
Let all that tension go.
Feel the feelings and acknowledge them, no matter how upsetting. Sit with them long enough to allow them to let go of their hold on you – and release any tension they have caused (run, jump up and down, punch a pillow, count 1,2,3, and scream! Or massage your shoulders and neck, or just write…. whatever works for you.) When the tension is released, breathe again, slowly, out.
Then focus for a moment on something you can love and appreciate, like a pet, a flower, a baby, or just being alive. Breathe into it and allow yourself to FEEL the good feeling, in your body.
Then say to yourself “I Am Loveable And Capable”.

A small suggestion: Try writing IALAC on a sticker and post it opposite your toilet seat, that way you’ll be forced to remember it several times a day .............