Give or Take

Inexplicably linked to gratitude (and Thanksgiving) is, in my humble opinion, generosity.
I recall a story I once heard about generosity, illustrating how difficult it is to actually put qualities such as gratitude and generosity into daily practice. The story was about a priest who was traveling around the farming community he served, visiting his parishioners. One group of farmers was particularly engaging and he spent some time preaching about the virtues of generosity, charity and kindness. Finally he asked them all to imagine they had one more car than they needed. Then he asked them what they would do with the extra car. One of the farmers immediately responded enthusiastically; “I would give it away to someone who needed it.”
“Now that’s what I call charitable!” the priest exclaimed. “And what if you had two houses? What would you do with the second one?”
“I would give the second one to homeless people,” replied the farmer at once eager to please.
“The spirit of generosity indeed!” the priest smiled with approval. “What if you had two chickens, “ he continued, “what would you do?”
The farmer became suddenly serious. “Why I would keep them both!” he retorted.
“Now why would you, who have been so kind-hearted with great things, all of a sudden cease being generous when it comes to a couple of small chickens?” asked the priest
The farmer replied, “Because I have two chickens!”

Such a great illustration of how we humans can find it so difficult to live according to what we preach – to ‘walk our talk ‘as they say – especially when old emotional fear patterns and self-centredness take over! The thing is when they do, we actually feel uncomfortable, unhappy, because on some level we know we are not living in alignment with our values.

The very good news is that science is repeatedly showing us it’s all in the wiring of the brain – AND we can, by being mindful, actually take charge and change the wiring – be what we really want to be! In the case of the farmer (if he indeed was really as generous as he professed to be) give away that second chicken trusting that ‘what goes around comes around’.

To learn more about coaching and resources that can help ‘change the wiring’, check out www.TheBeingEffect.com

Care Over Cash - A Female Thing?

 “If only women were in charge …. “ sighed a man to his companion next to me on the train, as he closed his newspaper. Not the first time I’ve heard that remark, or said it myself! What do we mean by this? I know what I mean – that the qualities we associate with the ‘female brain’ – nurturing, gathering, relationship skills, flexibility and openness, care and compassion – seem to be in short supply in many corners of the world these days, and if they were more present there would be less suffering and greed.

Imagine for a moment, the proverbial corridors of power, political or corporate, but where everyone has more flexibility, openness, and compassion – it might look something like this: everyone approaches cultural diversity as a strength as opposed to as an obstacle. Imagine everyone prioritising their relationship skills - this could mean more effective teams, globally as well as locally, all being managed with emotional intelligence, dialog flowing and compromises and decisions reached. Last but not least, imagine compassion being a quality valued and required by all people in power – surely we would see more inclusiveness and more ethical decisions on every level; we would see the prioritization of care over cash; and social responsibility would be something people, leaders, have rather than a buzz-word they use.

Traditionally’ the qualities in these imaginings are considered ‘female’, (which I presume is what the sighing man on the train was referring to). However, I believe we all know that everyone, regardless of gender, has the capacity for these qualities. Even though our brains are wired differently – this is as much the result of ‘training’ as it is biology. Contrary to conventional belief, men are not slaves to testosterone, and compassion & relating is not the sole territory of women. According to Dr Louanne Brizendine, author of 'The Male Brain', there is plentiful research showing that the adult male brain has great capacity for both devotion and nurturing.

SO, on that note I’m going to adjust my thinking about this ‘leadership’ subject and instead of ‘If only women were in charge’, I’ll be thinking about and imagining everybody in leadership positions accessing their innate abilities for compassion, openness, and relating. The imagination is a powerful thing ….maybe it will make a difference, however small! Won’t you join me? :-)