The Power of You

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are, but the people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstance they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.” George Bernhard Shaw

Make the circumstances we want, rather than blame the circumstances we have ….. hmmmm, easier said than done…… this means we have a choice! What choice? you may well ask, (especially in days that seem to become more dire by the hour!) Well, we have a choice about how we respond to everything that occurs and also about what we choose to do with what we have. Discouraging? For some maybe, because a choice implies a decision, and a decision excludes other possibilities …. and in these precarious times, who would want to exclude all options!

What we often forget is that indecision is a decision in itself, and often leads to choices being made for us, by others and by circumstances! Although it may be easier to blame circumstances than to face the responsibility of making a choice, - what if it’s the ‘wrong’ choice?! – the result is usually hindsight; ‘Of course, what I should have done,’ ‘what I could have done’, and ‘I wish I had done,’ or 'if only we had done ....' We all know the power of hindsight!
   
On the other hand, in the ‘now’, each moment that we make a choice or a decision based on our own ‘inner knowing’ (or intuition), each time we dare to step up to and act on what we believe in our heart is right, in that very moment we are so much more powerful than we have been conditioned to believe!

As we move into 2012, let’s discard the old conditioning that has us believing we are victims of circumstance, the conditioning that makes us indecisive and anxious, and even afraid. Let’s instead claim the actual immense power that resides within each one of us – the power to take charge of our choices, trust our own insights, and create the ‘circumstances’ we want, moment by moment.......... And if by chance you don’t see evidence of your power in your life, remember that the atom still exists even though you have never seen one.

Roll on 2012!

HAPPY Christmas!

Did you know that kindness is good for your health …. and for your brain?  Findings have shown that the neurotransmitters associated with happiness, reward and laughter are increased when we choose to be kind rather than self-serving. A fitting piece of science for the holidays, don’t you think? This gets right to the heart of what Christmas is about! And what wonderful news it is that not only do our brains function better when we are kind and caring, all the feelings that are activated boost our IgA levels – the first line of defence in our immune systems. 

So when you're offering to help someone, giving to charity, making a cup of coffee for a friend, or serving up a meal you've prepared, remember you're doing yourself a big favour!

Wishing you a truly HAPPY Christmas, from all of us here at TheBeingEffect.com

Fun is Free!

When I was eight, we spent the winter with my grandma, in her cottage in a small village in the east of England. It was a thatched cottage, with low ceilings and wobbly floors. My father had to stoop to walk through the door-ways. Leading upstairs were two steep and narrow staircases, both with ropes draped on the walls that served as banisters. I used to love climbing up those stairs on my way to bed, hanging onto the ropes and pretending I was a mountain climber.

And that winter there was much more for the imagination to play with: we got snowed in! It snowed and snowed for days on end until there was so much snow, we couldn’t open the front door, nor the ground floor windows. And the snow stayed for so long that we ran out of food! Eventually a helicopter arrived and dropped food in large nets onto the snow-laden roof. My father and grandfather climbed out of an upstairs window to retrieve it. Imagine the excitement for an eight-year old! But neither my parents or my grandfather seemed to appreciate my excitement, hardly responding to my shrieks of delight at all. They were all too (understandably) worried, fretting about the food supplies, the buried cars, the freezing cold, the lack of electricity, the frozen pipes,....... and all that snow!

My grandmother, however, was different. She turned the whole experience into an adventure! She made soup in a big pot over the fire in the fireplace while wearing a black witches hat and teaching me to recite ‘hubble bubble, toil and trouble’ as she stirred. We drew funny faces on the cold wet window panes, while stuffing towels around the windows to modify the draught. We kept warm with layer upon layer of clothing until we looked like aliens and waddled about making up alien dances. She made everyone gather round to roast sausages in the fireplace, and sing songs as loud as we could. It was wonderful! To this day, my memories of her - and especially that snow-bound experience - serve to remind me that fun, play, and delight can be had in pretty much most situations ……regardless of how bad the times are! It’s all in the attitude - Such a good reminder this year :-)

Care Over Cash - A Female Thing?

 “If only women were in charge …. “ sighed a man to his companion next to me on the train, as he closed his newspaper. Not the first time I’ve heard that remark, or said it myself! What do we mean by this? I know what I mean – that the qualities we associate with the ‘female brain’ – nurturing, gathering, relationship skills, flexibility and openness, care and compassion – seem to be in short supply in many corners of the world these days, and if they were more present there would be less suffering and greed.

Imagine for a moment, the proverbial corridors of power, political or corporate, but where everyone has more flexibility, openness, and compassion – it might look something like this: everyone approaches cultural diversity as a strength as opposed to as an obstacle. Imagine everyone prioritising their relationship skills - this could mean more effective teams, globally as well as locally, all being managed with emotional intelligence, dialog flowing and compromises and decisions reached. Last but not least, imagine compassion being a quality valued and required by all people in power – surely we would see more inclusiveness and more ethical decisions on every level; we would see the prioritization of care over cash; and social responsibility would be something people, leaders, have rather than a buzz-word they use.

Traditionally’ the qualities in these imaginings are considered ‘female’, (which I presume is what the sighing man on the train was referring to). However, I believe we all know that everyone, regardless of gender, has the capacity for these qualities. Even though our brains are wired differently – this is as much the result of ‘training’ as it is biology. Contrary to conventional belief, men are not slaves to testosterone, and compassion & relating is not the sole territory of women. According to Dr Louanne Brizendine, author of 'The Male Brain', there is plentiful research showing that the adult male brain has great capacity for both devotion and nurturing.

SO, on that note I’m going to adjust my thinking about this ‘leadership’ subject and instead of ‘If only women were in charge’, I’ll be thinking about and imagining everybody in leadership positions accessing their innate abilities for compassion, openness, and relating. The imagination is a powerful thing ….maybe it will make a difference, however small! Won’t you join me? :-)

Who's The Boss?

Piercing scream from aisle eleven,
Tantrum in progress
Escalating fast.
‘Gimme gimme!”  yells the screamer,
Louder and louder,
How long will it last?

Earplugs are on aisle eleven,
Can’t get to them
The dad’s in the way
Bending down to try to reason
With the screamer,
What on earth will he say?

‘Sweety please, do stop your screaming,
Please be good,
Be quiet now.”
“I don’t wanna!” yells the offspring.
Dad looks flustered,
Sweat beads on his brow.

Trying to ignore the racket,
With fellow shoppers
I vacate the aisle.
Still I hear the constant crying,
Dad’s enduring,
I manage a smile.

 “I will get you coke and burger
If you’re good
And stop this din.”
Dad beseeches. Youngster screeches
“I want Gameboy!”
I wonder who’ll win?

Bawling keeps on escalating
Soon creating
Hearing loss!!
Then suddenly the holler ceases.
Finally,
Dad showed who’s boss!

Leaving supermarket later,
A familiar
High-pitched scream.
There, again, the kid 'in tantrum',
Gameboy in hand
Yelling “Now! Ice-cream!”

Beautifully Risk-Taking Teenage Brains!

Whether we’ve raised teenagers or not, we’ve all been one, and we all know what a contradictory, risky, sometimes reckless and often confusing time it can be! We may also have plenty of explanations for why the teenage years are so emotional, unruly and rebellious, - in fact throughout history opinions have abounded about the ‘coming of age’ period when we. literally and figuratively, stretch ourselves into adulthood. Having been a very moody and defiant teenager myself – well into my twenties -I’ve always had an interest in every single rationale I’ve come across, yet there’s one thing that’s bothered me about most of the current attitudes to the teenage years; the negativity and disapproval so often ingrained in the very expectations of youth. Now I’m happy to note, there’s brain research that gives us not only logical reasons why teens think and behave they way they tend to do, but it highlights the positive significance and even necessity of their often reckless risk taking, pointing to the creativity, innovation, ‘thinking-outside-the-box’ and other qualities that comes with being a teen – and what it has meant for the survival of our species. If you haven’t read about it yet, you can in this National Geographic article at http://bit.ly/nksWpJ
It’s worth the read!

Child-Driven Learning Does it Again!

I have just had what you might call a mind-altering experience – a view I thought would stay the same has shifted. Let me explain. As you may know if you’ve read my earlier posts, I have been somewhat concerned about the time children today spend interacting with computers (rather than live people). I have been most concerned about the effect this appears to have on their development, in particular relationship skills and social intelligence. Amazingly, although not exactly allaying my concern, research I recently came across certainly gives me a wider perspective! The research in question has been done by education scientist Sugata Mitra, who found (after years of studies) that when children independently use computers and most specifically the internet, in groups – that is, without adult supervision and in combination with inter-personal interaction with their peers – not only does their learning capacity significantly increase but education itself is taken to a whole new level! Additional benefits that have emerged from Mitra’s studies - for communities and indeed for our ‘global wellness’ – are intriguing.  I am fascinated. If you haven’t come across it, check it out. It's a TED talk, so not too long and most entertaining.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_the_child_driven_education.html

Can We Change How We Do Change....

Change is in the air - both because the air is distinctly autumnal, and of course because of the state of the world! But are we going about change in the way we could? The turning of the leaves and the very slight chill in the air got me thinking, then writing........ and writing more. Somewhat inspired, I ended up writing too much for a mere Blog    - more like a small article - so I posted it on my Hub-Pages.........Click on this link and (if you're so inclined), I hope you enjoy! I welcome your response comments...... http://jenniferday.hubpages.com/t/2962ff

At The Risk of Repeating Myself......

If anyone you know is still skeptical about the value of emotional intelligence and stress management, they are not alone. Despite all the findings to the contrary, most business leaders are still concerned that feelings like compassion and empathy might conflict with company ideals(!) In a study of 250 corporate executives, researchers found that the majority of them, even now, believe that businesslike decisions would be made more difficult if feelings were given too much consideration………..
Well, although I find myself initially sighing with a great degree of exasperation, I muster my own emotional intelligence :-) and recognize that this finding means we just need to keep writing and talking! .... talking about all the research and knowledge we now have on the human brain and how the human being REALLY works, until we reach the tipping point and all the people in charge of the rest of us get it; that feelings and emotions power our thoughts and behaviours and therefore underlie just about everything; until they get that only way to actually make so-called businesslike decisions, - or indeed do anything that requires clear, objective thinking - is to manage one’s stress and emotions (notice I say 'manage' not 'control' - please see below for further reading if you’d like to read more on this.)
It’s not as if this is an impossible task or even a big challenge! Managing stress and emotions can be learned - and because emotional intelligence teaches us the ways to make our brains and our lives work better, we feel almost instant benefits. A simple concept – but apparently very hard for some to adopt!  If you've had your own experiences and you do ‘get it’ (and if you're reading this, I imagine you do) please, share your insights ………….  someone who is in charge of others may hear you and then you’d be doing us all a great, great service!
Cheers!

  

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I Have A Simple Dream

I would like to see all our politicians stop having knee-jerk reactions and start taking more responsibility for their emotions – their fear, insecurities, greed, anxiety, pride – emotions  they are most likely not even aware of but that drive so much of what they say. Can you imagine them STOPPING their reactions, quietly DROPPING their attention into their bodies, (breathing, focusing in the heart etc.) and self-regulating BEFORE they open their mouths…..? A bit far fetched maybe :-) If they did though, the chances are that their brains would work with more clarity and vision - and they’d be more likely to ‘respond’ to issues rather than react. And wouldn’t that be helpful for all of us .….. I dream on………. Ahhh, but don’t we all need to get out of our heads and drop our awareness into our bodies more, into the wisdom that comes from being centered?