What Do You Prioritise?

To continue on from the last Blog’s story ……I find it very interesting that most people still don’t think about addressing their stress until they’re experiencing serious symptoms. Some don’t even think about the need to manage their stress until they’re on the verge of burnout. Citing economic hardship, uncertain times, threatened jobs, or just busy lives, we place stress management low down on our list of priorities. We assume it is a luxury or that everything else is more important. Unfortunately! It is unfortunate because eventually an overly taxed body or an overwhelmed, worn-out psyche will force the issue.
For those few wiser among us who do not throw caution to the wind, but take proactive action to better manage their stress, the discovery is made that developing healthy stress management habits pays off in leaps and bounds! It is important to note that I’m talking here about stress management (as opposed to just relief), as stress is unavoidable and can sometimes even be beneficial – IF we know how to manage it. When we do, we experience a multitude of positive outcomes such as improved communication and relationships, increased productivity, better health and more happiness in general.

Step one in this process of effective stress management is self-care – often a step which in itself creates resistance, because to many of us, it feels selfish! However, at this point it can be helpful to remember the oft-used analogy of the oxygen mask on the plane; we have to put it on ourselves before we can be of effective use to anyone else!

I challenge you today to spend just 5 minutes thinking of and noting down 5 ways you could take better care of yourself – 5 ways that are simple enough that you can (and WILL) apply them! (It could be something simple like each time you pass a mirror or see your own reflection in a window, smile! OR take a deep breath and fully exhale before eating, OR feel appreciation for something before you get out of bed.)

There are many more steps to effective stress management, but this one is, in my experience, a fantastic start!

A Favourite Story: Stress Management!

A young lady confidently walked around the room, with a raised glass of water, while explaining stress management to an audience.  Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question,  "Is it half empty or half full? "
She fooled them all ...
"How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz. 
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. 
It depends on how long I hold it. 
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. 
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. 
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. 
In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. 
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." 
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. 
So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. 
Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.”

We Live In Hope!

So Goldman Sachs managers refer to their clients as Muppets. What a brilliant example of low emotional intelligence. “If only,” says one of my clients, “if only they’d done some AEM work, they would have known not to say such stupid things.”
Contrary to how this quote may appear, I am not blowing my own trumpet, for I do not hold the monopoly on ways of developing emotional intelligence (although AEM has proven to be a most effective way :-) There are as many ways to develop such intelligence as there are ways of learning to manage your stress, ways that would identify snide name-calling as, at best, an unhelpful way to vent stress, ways that would even develop the wisdom to never, ever go there. But alas, Goldman Sachs, along with thousand of other corporations, have not yet recognized that good management includes the management of the stress and emotions that actually, ultimately drive behaviour. How much reputation and money do they have to lose before they ‘join the dots? Will they ever get it? Maybe Greg Smith’s resignation letter will jolt them towards taking a step in the right direction? I live in hope!

Life Ain't Easy!

My ex used to say “Life’s a bitch and then you die!” What a terrible statement! No wonder I had forgotten about it …. until I was recently reminded of an old favourite book I used to read to help me make sense of my life back then; The Road Less Travelled by Scott M. Peck. Author Peck had a more constructive take on the sentiment of my ex; he concluded that yes, life IS difficult - AND only when we accept this and face it as fact, can we do something about it and eventually transcend it! That book was one of my bibles for years, and gradually I discovered my own tools for change, tools which made it less and less frightening to open up what seemed like a Pandora’s box filled with the issues that made life so difficult.
A few of the ‘tools’ to ponder (and even implement ):

1.    Pay attention to your body. Does it feel good? Bad? Tense? Can’t tell? Where do you feel your various emotions? Try noticing what your body is trying to tell you........
2.    Breathe. It’s the single most significant thing we do. Do it slowly and mindfully at least twice a day..........
3.    Take TIME to solve your problems, and never underestimate the helpfulness of writing. The process of writing (about any issue you have) can, in and of itself, help you clarify, give you insights, and often even help you find a solution..........
4.    Wisdom, problem-solving abilities and insights come when the brain is creatively ‘switched on’, and the brain is designed to function at it’s most creative when we are in a feel-good state. Suggestion: appreciate something – anything in your life - feel it..... and feel your brain working better!

Even if life still ain’t easy, I've found that applying these simple steps makes me much better able to handle life’s trials, and more and more to experience that life is in fact, most of the time, beautiful!

Keeping It In Perspective!

I try to keep a balanced approach to social media in my life – i.e., I keep my Tweets to once a day and I only check Facebook a couple of times a week….. not easy recently as I have reconnected with quite a few ‘old’ friends through FB! This of course is delightful to say the least! Wonderful that short messages and a few clicks make it possible to re-establish human connections across vast miles and many countries. However, I find the follow up, the moving on from FB into emails, Skyping, phoning, and if possible actually getting together for a beverage, is the really gratifying piece. The short-lived (and very public) connection made via social media gives an equally short-lived and often superficial satisfaction. Maybe that is why this increase in accessibility to each other parallels an increase in social ‘phobias’ and social insecurities and anxiety, especially amongst young people? I know I am not the only coach/counselor finding this in my practice. We are seeing clear evidence of the fact that with all the advantages of technology, human beings still need the human, face-to-face connection for true fulfillment and friendship to flourish. What I have found personally, is that once a friendship is established, ‘in the flesh’, social media can help keep lines of communication open and so support it’s upkeep; keeping it all in perspective!
In order for us all the learn to use social media in a healthy, supportive way, I believe we need to place a little more emphasis in our educational environments (and that includes ALL stages of education) on building social and emotional intelligence …………the basic life skills that actually form the foundation for success and fulfillment – but now that’s a whole new subject and another blog entry……. :-)

A Favourite Story

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat, with just one fisherman, docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. The Mexican replied that it only took him a little while. The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish?
    The Mexican said that he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked; “What do you do with the rest of your time?”
    The fisherman replied; “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”
    The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
    The Mexican fisherman asked, “But how long will this take?”
    To which the American replied, “15 to 20 years.”
    “But, what then?” the fisherman asked.
    The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
    “Millions…..and then what?” inquired the fisherman.
    The American said, “Then you would retire and move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your amigos.”

Experiencing Peace?

A new year invites reflection…. even if it’s only a brief one about what we’d like to do differently or more or less of, although by now you may be fed up with reading about new year’s resolutions or even trying to stick to one yourself! Paradoxically, your ability to do, behave or act successfully is directly proportionate to your ability to reflect, to tune in and listen to your own intuitive insights - in order to make the best choices and decisions as you go about your daily life. You may know this intuitively, but are not necessarily practicing it :-) If so, you’ll be in good company! Increasing amounts of people are requesting help to handle stress better and to attain calm, probably because in troubled times it becomes harder to experience any sense of peace.
To help, we have just uploaded a new, gentle guided meditation (this time with no music or sound effects), for experiencing peace. If you would like to listen, click here and sign in to the Zone.

The ability to experience feelings of calm and peace is more important than ever now, helping, as it does, the brain to function significantly better than when we are worried or tense – as well as boosting our immune system, creating more emotional balance, improving our sense of well being, and even slowing down the ageing process, all good things to help us navigate through 2012!

PS: We have also uploaded a new goal oriented visualization for children ‘Your Theater…….. helpful to sustain the focus on achieving any goal! Check it out - and enjoy!

The Power of You

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are, but the people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstance they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.” George Bernhard Shaw

Make the circumstances we want, rather than blame the circumstances we have ….. hmmmm, easier said than done…… this means we have a choice! What choice? you may well ask, (especially in days that seem to become more dire by the hour!) Well, we have a choice about how we respond to everything that occurs and also about what we choose to do with what we have. Discouraging? For some maybe, because a choice implies a decision, and a decision excludes other possibilities …. and in these precarious times, who would want to exclude all options!

What we often forget is that indecision is a decision in itself, and often leads to choices being made for us, by others and by circumstances! Although it may be easier to blame circumstances than to face the responsibility of making a choice, - what if it’s the ‘wrong’ choice?! – the result is usually hindsight; ‘Of course, what I should have done,’ ‘what I could have done’, and ‘I wish I had done,’ or 'if only we had done ....' We all know the power of hindsight!
   
On the other hand, in the ‘now’, each moment that we make a choice or a decision based on our own ‘inner knowing’ (or intuition), each time we dare to step up to and act on what we believe in our heart is right, in that very moment we are so much more powerful than we have been conditioned to believe!

As we move into 2012, let’s discard the old conditioning that has us believing we are victims of circumstance, the conditioning that makes us indecisive and anxious, and even afraid. Let’s instead claim the actual immense power that resides within each one of us – the power to take charge of our choices, trust our own insights, and create the ‘circumstances’ we want, moment by moment.......... And if by chance you don’t see evidence of your power in your life, remember that the atom still exists even though you have never seen one.

Roll on 2012!

HAPPY Christmas!

Did you know that kindness is good for your health …. and for your brain?  Findings have shown that the neurotransmitters associated with happiness, reward and laughter are increased when we choose to be kind rather than self-serving. A fitting piece of science for the holidays, don’t you think? This gets right to the heart of what Christmas is about! And what wonderful news it is that not only do our brains function better when we are kind and caring, all the feelings that are activated boost our IgA levels – the first line of defence in our immune systems. 

So when you're offering to help someone, giving to charity, making a cup of coffee for a friend, or serving up a meal you've prepared, remember you're doing yourself a big favour!

Wishing you a truly HAPPY Christmas, from all of us here at TheBeingEffect.com

Fun is Free!

When I was eight, we spent the winter with my grandma, in her cottage in a small village in the east of England. It was a thatched cottage, with low ceilings and wobbly floors. My father had to stoop to walk through the door-ways. Leading upstairs were two steep and narrow staircases, both with ropes draped on the walls that served as banisters. I used to love climbing up those stairs on my way to bed, hanging onto the ropes and pretending I was a mountain climber.

And that winter there was much more for the imagination to play with: we got snowed in! It snowed and snowed for days on end until there was so much snow, we couldn’t open the front door, nor the ground floor windows. And the snow stayed for so long that we ran out of food! Eventually a helicopter arrived and dropped food in large nets onto the snow-laden roof. My father and grandfather climbed out of an upstairs window to retrieve it. Imagine the excitement for an eight-year old! But neither my parents or my grandfather seemed to appreciate my excitement, hardly responding to my shrieks of delight at all. They were all too (understandably) worried, fretting about the food supplies, the buried cars, the freezing cold, the lack of electricity, the frozen pipes,....... and all that snow!

My grandmother, however, was different. She turned the whole experience into an adventure! She made soup in a big pot over the fire in the fireplace while wearing a black witches hat and teaching me to recite ‘hubble bubble, toil and trouble’ as she stirred. We drew funny faces on the cold wet window panes, while stuffing towels around the windows to modify the draught. We kept warm with layer upon layer of clothing until we looked like aliens and waddled about making up alien dances. She made everyone gather round to roast sausages in the fireplace, and sing songs as loud as we could. It was wonderful! To this day, my memories of her - and especially that snow-bound experience - serve to remind me that fun, play, and delight can be had in pretty much most situations ……regardless of how bad the times are! It’s all in the attitude - Such a good reminder this year :-)