Sanctuary

Today I received an email from a client who is traveling in France. As I daydream over lunch, I am remembering some of the times I have spent in that beautiful country, most recently with my daughter, visiting a dear friend in Aix en Provence in southern France. The Aix countryside is breathtaking, with its lush green valleys and mountains, lavender covered fields stretching out like lilac carpets for acres and acres, infusing the air with a sweet, heady scent. In another view, miles and miles of vineyards seem to go on past the horizon separated only by winding country roads that now and again make their way through a tiny village. Should you care to stop, the stone walls covered in climbing roses and a church tower chiming softly on the hour, invite you to meander through the narrow cobble-stoned lanes and to rest for the occasional café-au-lait or glass of wine at the village square café. There, seated at a tiny table with a red chequered tablecloth, adjusting your chair to fit between the uneven cobbled stones, you may feel the peace of this countryside envelop you and infuse you as has the lavender scent.

This is one of the places my imagination takes me when I need a mental sanctuary. I am refreshed for the rest of the day, inspired to move into whatever task the day demands. Ahhhhh, the imagination makes it so easy to feel content, to re-connect with a feeling of peace …… we just need to remember to do it !

Expressing Anger - When You're 6!

I believe that all emotions have a purpose, and that validating every emotion (i.e. acknowledging that it is there) is paramount to knowing the purpose of that emotion (i.e. what is it telling me?) and being able to manage it, if necessary.

There are many ways to facilitate this acknowledgement of emotions with people, and with children I prefer to make it fun, if possible! One day, I was doing an exercise with a group of girls aged 6 to 9, focusing on accepting emotions of anger (in themselves): the exercise was to express feelings of anger – or other similar feelings that they would like to express – by writing them down. They were promised that no-one would look at their pieces of paper, (which were ultimately to be destroyed).

As all the girls were busy – heads down – writing to their hearts content, the youngest, and only 6-year old, approached me. Quietly she whispered “How do you spell the F word?”
I was a little taken aback, but collected myself quickly and responded in a whisper, “It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to spell it right.”
“But I want to!” she whispered, clearly irritated.
I smiled, hoping she would go back to her writing. Alas, she was adamant.
“How do you spell the F word?” she repeated, whispering a little louder this time.
“I’m afraid I am not allowed to tell you that.” I ventured a little sheepishly, stumped as to what to tell her that she would accept. “and anyway, as I said, it doesn’t matter.””I want to know!” she vehemently whispered loudly. “How do you spell the F word?!”
“Maybe you can use another word?” I ventured hopefully
“NO!” she whispered loudly now, causing one of the other girls to look up briefly.
“I want to know how to spell it!” she whispered again, her voice rasping.
I shrugged. “I’m sorry sweetie, I can’t tell you.” I laid a sympathetic hand on hers, which she shook off impatiently, turning on her heels and with an emphatic exclamation of “Right!” she stomped back to her paper and pencil.
Astonished I watched as she deliberately lifted up her tiny freckled fist with her middle finger pointing straight up in the air. Holding her hand firmly in this position, she turned it around and placed it decidedly down on the paper. With her pencil in the other hand, she proceeded to trace around the fist with the extended middle finger. When she had finished she looked up at me with a satisfied nod.
Then, blow me down, she did it again! And again, and again, and again! Until her entire page was filled with this image.
Suffice it to say, the exercise worked beautifully for her. She completed our session with a huge satisfied grin, announcing to her mother that she had left her ‘angeriness behind’. And indeed her mother reported more than a year later that her daughter no longer threw the huge anger tantrums she used to before, and had taken to writing, not only when she was upset (which was great news) but otherwise too, composing stories that eventually would win her awards at school.

I have simplified this story somewhat, but the essence of it is illustrative; when we are able to acknowledge our emotions no matter how bad they may seem, and express them appropriately, we can move on to the issue of releasing and /or transforming them so they better serve us!

‘Being Right’

I shared a Chinese story recently with some of you and received several requests to share it again! I think the story really resonated - because it’s about ‘being right’, and we have all, at some point, become caught up in the belief that we are right - defending our point, ourselves, our ego, often to the detriment of what we are actually trying to achieve!

In a small temple in the mountains, four student monks were practicing Zazen. They agreed amongst themselves to observe seven days of silence. The first day of meditation began auspiciously, but as night began to fall one of the monks started feeling irritated that the lamps were not being lit.
"It was your turn to light the lamps," he complained to one of his fellow students.
The second monk was surprised to hear the first one talk. "In my concentration to maintain silence, I forgot," he explained
"Listen to you two," said the third student, "Why did you talk?"
I am the only one now who has not talked," concluded the fourth.

With thanks to Colin Turner, author of “Shooting The Monkey – Secrets of The New Business Spirit” (Hodder & Stoughton 1999). I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants business success!

A Wise Bird

A Wise Bird

A wise old owl sat in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why aren’t we all like that wise old bird?

MORE MUSINGS ON CREATIVITY

Continuing on the subject of creativity and emotions, imagination cannot develop unless we allow it to flow…. Much like a snowball that has to roll down a hill of snow to accumulate more snow and become a significantly sized snowball! Allowing imagination to flow means that emotions will accompany the images we have. Allowing oneself to move through them, validate them, and process them (rather that interrupting them when they feel uncomfortable), gives us the opportunity to discover that we have a choice about how we feel. This in turn allows us to emerge at the other end with deeper, wider, perspectives, insights and creativity …………………… at least that is my experience!

Happy Birthday Paps!

Today is my father’s birthday. I am very fortunate to have a father who is both youthful in spirit and positive in outlook. (At 82, he tap dances, plays tennis and still works as a consulting physician). His positive and optimistic view of life has, I suspect, not always been easy – life has given him some major hurdles to overcome – but he has consistently chosen to view life from a positive perspective, and when he can’t, to at least move his attention (and everyone else’s, if he’s given half a chance!) to finding the positive or the comical! In wishing him a Happy Birthday, I am reminded how his ‘emotional mastery’ has given me a strong reference for what it looks like, inspiring me to never give up endeavoring to grow - to ‘transcend and go beyond’.

I encourage any and everybody to look for, in their lives, someone who can exemplify emotional mastery to them, who, even though we cannot (and don’t even want to) be exactly like them, can serve as an inspiration and help us hold an image of what it means to be positive; what it looks like to draw on and manage our emotions so we make the most of life; and to help us remember that, as the song says “the best of times is now!”

A Word

A 4-year old said "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Makes me think of one of The 4 Agreements (by Don Miguel Ruiz): “Be impeccable with your word”.

Much food for thought - ‘nough said!

Walking the Talk

Walking the Talk

Walking the Talk has been a much-used phrase in recent years, and probably is more applicable than ever now! When we – or those we look up to – do not ‘walk the talk’, incongruence and inconsistencies become rampant very quickly, which makes for a lot of insecurities to say the least!

Unfortunately, we cannot control others and whether they live up to our expectations. But we can be in charge of ourselves, and the way we “walk our talk”.

To have such ‘management’, we must of course become aware of what our ‘talk’ is; our beliefs about how to live life, our values and expectations, the behaviors and actions we expect of others and ourselves. Interestingly, many are unclear about this, not having fully addressed these thoughts and beliefs within the self –only being adversely triggered whenever they are unmet in the outside world!!

Nonetheless, it is surely essential to be completely conscious of exactly what we want to see before we can manifest it. Although this may seem obvious, I personally find it very valuable to keep the door open on the issue of ‘talk’ and whether we are really ‘walking’ it; never taking that for granted; always questioning and checking ourselves; exploring and self-regulating any stress or emotions that get in the way or are destructive; always growing our self-awareness, and, in the words of Walt Whitman, rising to go beyond.

Then, and only then can we become objective enough to address whether we are, or even can be capable of, ‘walking the walk”!!!!

A Timeless Issue

I came across the quote below in an old book. I have found it to push the boundaries of some of our perceptions today and even activate some uncomfortable emotions, but the teaching is relevant and timeless – and it is one we can choose to use as a catalyst for growth; an inspiration; a validation of intentions; or merely to examine our emotional response and decide whether it serves us …. or not.

A certain stage of the human consciousness can be observed when, to the question as to what is needed, the following answer is given: ‘Money’. So long as this mercenary limitation is not outlived, no spiritual help can be provided. One’s consciousness must be advanced towards more significant values, then help will come even materially. The law of the highest values is affirmed in the whole of existence. Thus, our own consciousness determines the well-being that is deserved.
From HEART – Signs of Agni Yoga © 1932

Emotions and Creativity

I am drawn to award shows on TV, most particularly Broadway’s Tony Awards because this particular event honors live theatre – and live theatre was central to my life for more than thirty years. No doubt those of you who share my interest, watched this year’s Tony Awards on TV last Sunday. As usual in awards shows, there was much emotion – mainly excitement, pride, gratitude, some overwhelm, and lots of delight. I am sure there were also disappointments, sadness and anger too, but we didn’t get to see much of that…….

Emotions run rampant in the theatre world, as in all environments where creativity abounds. It is almost a given with theatre people; writers; actors; singers; dancers; musicians; composers; choreographers; artists; directors; all are expected to be ‘emotional’, that is to have and to show lots of emotions freely, unabashedly. This can be a good thing, it can be entertaining, and it can even be inspiring. But all too often it can be destructive. Few, if any, demands are placed on creative or performing artists to manage their emotions, with the resulting emotional chaos we are so often witness to in the world of celebrity.

I like to challenge the assumption that one needs to be emotionally unmanaged to be creative. This assumption is, I believe, a myth! On the contrary; the ability to understand emotions and emotional information, to appreciate how emotions merge, mingle and move through relationship transitions, to grasp emotional meanings and to be able to identify, assess, process and modulate them within, is surely central to some of our greatest and inspired works of art!

I'll be musing more on this subject!