Wednesday, May 4, 2011

10 - yes 10 - Habits of REALLY Emotionally Intelligent People

I can't believe how much more it takes to whittle down to blog-size the many speakers' wonderful work - as promised - than I thought! (What with everything else going on….) So here, in the meantime and by popular demand (truly:-), is my list of 10 Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People (yes, I claim 10 – not 7!)

Emotionally intelligent people
1.    Label feelings rather than people, making a distinction between what they think and what they feel.
2.    Own (take responsibility for) their own feelings and emotional reality. (Check in your body; where & what are your feelings?) Do not stuff or negate their emotions.
3.    Acknowledge when their negative emotions aren’t serving them & others and self-regulate to problem-solve whatever is causing the emotion, (use tension release processes and your breathing).
4.    Look for learning and growth in their negative emotions.
5.    Self-regulate to change unhelpful emotions into energized states (i.e. anger can become passion or drive to take action).
6.    Are respectful towards and validate other people’s feelings, regardless of what they think of them AND regardless of their age.
7.    Place their own agenda aside in order to step into someone else’s shoes, applying the resulting empathy, by communicating it or otherwise supporting the other person.
8.    Do not play the blame game (or send someone on a guilt-trip!)
9.    Limit judgment and criticism (aim for eliminating both) of others, and honor everyone’s unique path and emotional reality.
10.    Do not try to control or change others. (It ain’t possible.)

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