A New Meaning!

Hello is a word
I use every day
It’s not been a big deal, in any way

It’s probably said
more than most other words
On occasion it’s even spoken by birds

I say it, I hear it
I pay it no mind
I move to the next thing and leave it behind

I take it for granted
I always did
Like blinking and breathing, the ego, the id

It never occurred
To give it a thought
It’s only a word that everyone’s taught!

But lo and behold
Just one week ago
I came to discover a new Hello!

The word became everything
Special to me
It filled up my eyes with tears of happy

This word that I’d never
Paid any mind
Became suddenly a word so sublime

The moment I saw
Her sweet little face
At first I stammered and couldn’t find grace

I couldn’t find words
From below or above
I was in awe, I was gob-smacked with love

The word that I said
When I found my voice
Was that word Hello! - now my word of choice!

For what better word
Could there be to bestow
On my new-born granddaughter than that word Hello!

Power of Introverts!

We live in a world that increasingly promotes the ideology of being assertive and outgoing, sociable and even self-promoting, and if we are not that way, we are given the message that we need to fix ourselves, do some self-help (:-) and change! However, (and that’s a BIG however), studies now show, conclusively, that up to one third of us are actually introverts, and many more of us are only outgoing and sociable some of the time. So even if you, reading this, are a full on extrovert, you are bound to know many people who are not! Personally I can be both extrovert and introvert, so I was delighted to watch a great TED talk the other day actually promoting the power of introverts, with author Susan Cain.  I invite you to check it out – it’s MOST enlightening! http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

Counter Intuitive?

Doesn’t it sometimes feel as if all this insecurity about the future will never end?. Worry and anxiety is ever on the increase, as is our faith in our leaders (all of them, it seems!) Result? We are more likely to take work home, agree to excessive overtime and avoid taking breaks. Does this sound like you? Do you increasingly find yourself eating lunch while still working? Do you continue working at home, during dinner, texting or emailing while sitting with your partner or children and their homework? Although all this gives us the feeling we are being more effective, getting more work done, I have news for you: that's an illusion!

Studies conducted over decades, have found that as the length of the workday increases so too does our lack of efficiency, and that productivity increases only when we take breaks and ensure we have ample time to rest and recover form our workday! One study, published in September last year found that it is even possible to use work time for exercise or other health-promoting measures and still attain the same or higher production levels. Imagine that!

So increasing productivity by effectively relaxing, while feeling worried and anxious? Surely this is counter-intuitive? The big challenge is that it will only cease to be counter-intuitive when we accept that we can choose our emotional responses – when we find ways to shift the anxiety to another response. Fortunately this can become more doable if we have some practical steps, and as this is particularly relevant for the people I currently see, I am getting opportunities to test numerous tools!
Here are some suggestions that have worked for me and for my clients:

1.    MAKE A ‘WIND DOWN’ LIST: After lunch make a list of what you need to accomplish before you leave work and what you will tackle tomorrow. This gives you time to complete your tasks and help you to leave work feeling more like you've wrapped up your day productively.
2.    USE MUSIC. If you can, use music to help give you energy and focus. Use an mp3 player or your computer. Your favourite music will make your work more fun!
3.    LIMIT TAKING WORK HOME. Try to reduce this to once or twice a week, only taking with you what is absolutely necessary. If in doubt, take three deep slow breaths and then ask yourself how much more efficient this would make you.
4.    BUY A JOURNAL. If a particularly challenging issue or situation at work makes it difficult to relax once you get home, open you journal. And write about it: write about the issue, how you feel, and where in your body you feel the associated tension. When you’ve finished writing, put your journal away. Later, when you’ve eaten, relaxed and feel better, come back to your journal and see if you have a different perspective.

You can also go to the Member Zone on our website for loads of free audios to help you relax - at work and at home, alone and with your kids! www.thebeingeffect.com

What Do You Prioritise?

To continue on from the last Blog’s story ……I find it very interesting that most people still don’t think about addressing their stress until they’re experiencing serious symptoms. Some don’t even think about the need to manage their stress until they’re on the verge of burnout. Citing economic hardship, uncertain times, threatened jobs, or just busy lives, we place stress management low down on our list of priorities. We assume it is a luxury or that everything else is more important. Unfortunately! It is unfortunate because eventually an overly taxed body or an overwhelmed, worn-out psyche will force the issue.
For those few wiser among us who do not throw caution to the wind, but take proactive action to better manage their stress, the discovery is made that developing healthy stress management habits pays off in leaps and bounds! It is important to note that I’m talking here about stress management (as opposed to just relief), as stress is unavoidable and can sometimes even be beneficial – IF we know how to manage it. When we do, we experience a multitude of positive outcomes such as improved communication and relationships, increased productivity, better health and more happiness in general.

Step one in this process of effective stress management is self-care – often a step which in itself creates resistance, because to many of us, it feels selfish! However, at this point it can be helpful to remember the oft-used analogy of the oxygen mask on the plane; we have to put it on ourselves before we can be of effective use to anyone else!

I challenge you today to spend just 5 minutes thinking of and noting down 5 ways you could take better care of yourself – 5 ways that are simple enough that you can (and WILL) apply them! (It could be something simple like each time you pass a mirror or see your own reflection in a window, smile! OR take a deep breath and fully exhale before eating, OR feel appreciation for something before you get out of bed.)

There are many more steps to effective stress management, but this one is, in my experience, a fantastic start!

A Favourite Story: Stress Management!

A young lady confidently walked around the room, with a raised glass of water, while explaining stress management to an audience.  Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question,  "Is it half empty or half full? "
She fooled them all ...
"How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz. 
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. 
It depends on how long I hold it. 
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. 
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. 
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. 
In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. 
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." 
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. 
So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. 
Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.”

We Live In Hope!

So Goldman Sachs managers refer to their clients as Muppets. What a brilliant example of low emotional intelligence. “If only,” says one of my clients, “if only they’d done some AEM work, they would have known not to say such stupid things.”
Contrary to how this quote may appear, I am not blowing my own trumpet, for I do not hold the monopoly on ways of developing emotional intelligence (although AEM has proven to be a most effective way :-) There are as many ways to develop such intelligence as there are ways of learning to manage your stress, ways that would identify snide name-calling as, at best, an unhelpful way to vent stress, ways that would even develop the wisdom to never, ever go there. But alas, Goldman Sachs, along with thousand of other corporations, have not yet recognized that good management includes the management of the stress and emotions that actually, ultimately drive behaviour. How much reputation and money do they have to lose before they ‘join the dots? Will they ever get it? Maybe Greg Smith’s resignation letter will jolt them towards taking a step in the right direction? I live in hope!

Life Ain't Easy!

My ex used to say “Life’s a bitch and then you die!” What a terrible statement! No wonder I had forgotten about it …. until I was recently reminded of an old favourite book I used to read to help me make sense of my life back then; The Road Less Travelled by Scott M. Peck. Author Peck had a more constructive take on the sentiment of my ex; he concluded that yes, life IS difficult - AND only when we accept this and face it as fact, can we do something about it and eventually transcend it! That book was one of my bibles for years, and gradually I discovered my own tools for change, tools which made it less and less frightening to open up what seemed like a Pandora’s box filled with the issues that made life so difficult.
A few of the ‘tools’ to ponder (and even implement ):

1.    Pay attention to your body. Does it feel good? Bad? Tense? Can’t tell? Where do you feel your various emotions? Try noticing what your body is trying to tell you........
2.    Breathe. It’s the single most significant thing we do. Do it slowly and mindfully at least twice a day..........
3.    Take TIME to solve your problems, and never underestimate the helpfulness of writing. The process of writing (about any issue you have) can, in and of itself, help you clarify, give you insights, and often even help you find a solution..........
4.    Wisdom, problem-solving abilities and insights come when the brain is creatively ‘switched on’, and the brain is designed to function at it’s most creative when we are in a feel-good state. Suggestion: appreciate something – anything in your life - feel it..... and feel your brain working better!

Even if life still ain’t easy, I've found that applying these simple steps makes me much better able to handle life’s trials, and more and more to experience that life is in fact, most of the time, beautiful!

Keeping It In Perspective!

I try to keep a balanced approach to social media in my life – i.e., I keep my Tweets to once a day and I only check Facebook a couple of times a week….. not easy recently as I have reconnected with quite a few ‘old’ friends through FB! This of course is delightful to say the least! Wonderful that short messages and a few clicks make it possible to re-establish human connections across vast miles and many countries. However, I find the follow up, the moving on from FB into emails, Skyping, phoning, and if possible actually getting together for a beverage, is the really gratifying piece. The short-lived (and very public) connection made via social media gives an equally short-lived and often superficial satisfaction. Maybe that is why this increase in accessibility to each other parallels an increase in social ‘phobias’ and social insecurities and anxiety, especially amongst young people? I know I am not the only coach/counselor finding this in my practice. We are seeing clear evidence of the fact that with all the advantages of technology, human beings still need the human, face-to-face connection for true fulfillment and friendship to flourish. What I have found personally, is that once a friendship is established, ‘in the flesh’, social media can help keep lines of communication open and so support it’s upkeep; keeping it all in perspective!
In order for us all the learn to use social media in a healthy, supportive way, I believe we need to place a little more emphasis in our educational environments (and that includes ALL stages of education) on building social and emotional intelligence …………the basic life skills that actually form the foundation for success and fulfillment – but now that’s a whole new subject and another blog entry……. :-)

A Favourite Story

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat, with just one fisherman, docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. The Mexican replied that it only took him a little while. The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish?
    The Mexican said that he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked; “What do you do with the rest of your time?”
    The fisherman replied; “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”
    The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
    The Mexican fisherman asked, “But how long will this take?”
    To which the American replied, “15 to 20 years.”
    “But, what then?” the fisherman asked.
    The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
    “Millions…..and then what?” inquired the fisherman.
    The American said, “Then you would retire and move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your amigos.”

Experiencing Peace?

A new year invites reflection…. even if it’s only a brief one about what we’d like to do differently or more or less of, although by now you may be fed up with reading about new year’s resolutions or even trying to stick to one yourself! Paradoxically, your ability to do, behave or act successfully is directly proportionate to your ability to reflect, to tune in and listen to your own intuitive insights - in order to make the best choices and decisions as you go about your daily life. You may know this intuitively, but are not necessarily practicing it :-) If so, you’ll be in good company! Increasing amounts of people are requesting help to handle stress better and to attain calm, probably because in troubled times it becomes harder to experience any sense of peace.
To help, we have just uploaded a new, gentle guided meditation (this time with no music or sound effects), for experiencing peace. If you would like to listen, click here and sign in to the Zone.

The ability to experience feelings of calm and peace is more important than ever now, helping, as it does, the brain to function significantly better than when we are worried or tense – as well as boosting our immune system, creating more emotional balance, improving our sense of well being, and even slowing down the ageing process, all good things to help us navigate through 2012!

PS: We have also uploaded a new goal oriented visualization for children ‘Your Theater…….. helpful to sustain the focus on achieving any goal! Check it out - and enjoy!