tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34038480576458211092024-03-13T18:22:06.789-04:00Applying Emotional MasteryJennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.comBlogger159125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-28280291863958117792022-06-26T11:55:00.000-04:002022-06-26T11:55:31.827-04:00ARE YOU IN "THE IMPACT ZONE"?<p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>How are you feeling?</b></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span><i style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">What</i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>are you feeling?</b></span> </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Are you feeling impacted by all the world’s turbulence right now? Many of my clients have reported experiencing unusual and intense personal changes ‘thrust upon them’ (to quote), as well as all the global upheavals. I am not sure if that’s coincidental or if we’re just living in a time of extreme change on all fronts. One thing is for sure, we are being called upon to be resilient and draw on our inner resources in ways not seen for a very long while. </span></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhllyYzcleK8YpLyoum5PM7aa_YB4dFrubutH7xG8HlB4QBKEZhDb5ux4FzBu9b9ULIS7bjUByI74r7JeBMKoOSbwaQlszWQ8CdK81hE1CJlQA4jF68ieWVh2f3m4DBbK2z__1w9adOs11eDrcfpTQz44ji7dlpCbYi15OpvI0oaUy3Gx6NA9AhsVWm" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="265" data-original-width="303" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhllyYzcleK8YpLyoum5PM7aa_YB4dFrubutH7xG8HlB4QBKEZhDb5ux4FzBu9b9ULIS7bjUByI74r7JeBMKoOSbwaQlszWQ8CdK81hE1CJlQA4jF68ieWVh2f3m4DBbK2z__1w9adOs11eDrcfpTQz44ji7dlpCbYi15OpvI0oaUy3Gx6NA9AhsVWm" width="274" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">As many of you know, I do like a metaphor, and one I feel is particularly apt and can be useful at this time is the surfing metaphor. Whether you may be riding the waves of change well or feeling it’s all a bit much, bear with me now because I am not just referring to ‘riding the waves’ (or not). There’s more to the usefulness of the metaphor than that! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">An aspect of surfing that gave one of my clients (let’s call him George) a particularly profound ‘aha’ moment, is an occurrence referred to as ‘pearling’, which is an accidental nose-dive of the surfboard vertically down into the bottom of the ocean, pitching the surfer into the water. It occurs when you don’t adjust yourself to compensate for transitioning from the downhill slope of the wave to flat water. As a result, when you come up for air you may find yourself floundering, anxiously trying to get back up on the board and, if you manage to, paddling furiously in order to catch the next wave that you know is due imminently! This is often called “The Impact Zone”, a ‘zone’ where time is of the essence! If fear and anxiety are allowed to take over, your much-needed focus will be gone with the waves and your next experience will, in all likelihood be a ‘wipe-out’!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Recalling this happening to him on holiday, George had his ‘aha’ moment; he realised that although understandable, his sluggish adjustments to external change followed by fear and excessive anxiety about his business, caused him to miss opportunities as well as timely actions he could have taken; ‘gone with the waves!’ as he put it. George’s unmanaged emotions and loss of focus almost lost him his entire business. ‘<i>My fear-driven emotions just took over! A real-life wipe-out!”</i><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This brings to mind another metaphor I was reminded of while at a ballet performance last week, ‘Like Water for Chocolate’. Depicting a story about passion, desire, despair and over-powering emotions from the novel with the same title, it takes its title from a phrase used in South America, which refers to the water they use to make hot chocolate - (water instead of milk). The chocolate will only melt when the water reaches boiling point, and so the phrase alludes to a state of emotions at boiling point and about to boil over. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Whether we are referring to passion (as in that ballet and novel), or the fear in a surfer’s wipe-out’, or a businessman’s unmanaged anxiety, or other powerful emotions, the reference highlights the power of emotions and the influence they have over us and our actions. We may not acknowledge or even be aware of our emotions taking over our thinking, our choices and our actions, but it is now a scientific fact: emotions drive our thoughts and our behaviour, and if they ‘boil over’, whether in an unexpected transition, an impact zone or otherwise, we lose control!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Four questions emerge that may be helpful to ask ourselves:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><ol start="1" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Are we flexible enough to reposition ourselves to compensate for the transition we are going through? In other words, are we willing to be adaptable, try something new, stretch our thinking till it surfaces <i>out of the box</i> we have hitherto made ourselves so comfortable in? Can we transcend old behaviours and ride the waves of change with flexibility, or are we sticking with long-established, customary measures that will inevitably pitch us back into the water?<o:p></o:p></span></li></ol><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><ol start="2" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Are we becoming an ‘attention deficit’ society? Are we mostly busy and distracted, caught up in emails, social media, texting, scrolling, long work hours, information overload, and generally trying to match our pace with everyone else in our life? In other words, are we paying full attention to where we are on ‘our wave’ or is our distraction causing us to miss opportunities and accidentally nose-dive into a situation we don’t want? Or are we so busy and distracted by technology, thoughts and apprehensions that when we are with a colleague, partner or our loved ones, we are not ‘fully present’ at all?<o:p></o:p></span></li></ol><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><ol start="3" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Are we anxiously flailing about, grasping at sea-foam, our fear of the possibilities ahead paralyzing us, keeping us just treading water until the next wave wipes us out?<o:p></o:p></span></li></ol><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><ol start="4" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Or are we allowing our emotions and emotional reactions to overwhelm us and ‘boil over’ so we lose control of our sense of self and what’s important to us? <o:p></o:p></span></li></ol><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Although it is natural to feel distracted, frantic, worried, anxious and even fearful, and even to ‘boil over’, our chances of successfully navigating life and its challenges - whether within today’s seemingly chaotic world or in a hopefully calmer future - will be in direct proportion to our ability to process and move through these feelings, keeping our ‘emotional brain’ understood and managed, and our ‘thinking brain’ switched on: As we know, the two ‘brains’ cannot function effectively simultaneously. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When we feel any degree of anxiety or apprehension, even if we are able to look calm, our ‘emotional’ brain takes over and puts us into defence mode, causing inflexibility and resistance to change. Short-term thinking and bad decisions are made in this state. Conversely, smart, innovative thinking that will create the new ways of doing things, wise choices and insights, all come from a switched on ‘thinking brain’, which can only happen when we are in an emotional state of centeredness; focused yet flexible, willing to reposition, and open to transcendence. ‘<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Getting centred and ‘switching on’ easily requires a practice – a continuous practice that is as habitual and second nature to us as brushing teeth or taking a shower. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We can all develop these practices by:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: arial;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Checking in: A quick checking in with yourself, throughout your day (for example each time you walk through a door), asking yourself how you feel, making sure you are centred and in the switched on state, and if not ensuring you do what it takes to get there – even if that means taking a few minutes in the bathroom to release any tension, breathe and centre. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: arial;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Slowing down: When feeling overwhelmed, stop your thoughts and drop into your body. Slow your breath. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: arial;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Putting on pause: - any criticism or focus on the negative - Park it until you’re able to process, preferably in writing in your journal.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: arial;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Dropping your attention: down into your body and sensations (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, fresh air, drink of water …….)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: 115%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: arial;">5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Focusing on the positive. Appreciate something about whoever or whatever is in front of you. Reflect on something you can appreciate. Share an appreciation.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When we take charge in this way, ‘riding the waves’ in <i>the resulting more centred state</i> will minimalize the chances of ‘pearling’ or ‘wiping out’, or of your emotions boiling over. In fact you may eventually find the ride quite enjoyable, and your increased ability to overcome the challenges even exhilarating!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style>Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-54866106826041045302021-07-12T16:16:00.004-04:002021-07-12T16:21:27.134-04:00INSTINCT OR INTUITION?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Iqvy-IrZHt4/YOygh0Sj0vI/AAAAAAAADQQ/i8s-h4xUs647sMC_QAqiueVSs_-My_v-wCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/nine-kopfer-zosE9lAYQlo-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Iqvy-IrZHt4/YOygh0Sj0vI/AAAAAAAADQQ/i8s-h4xUs647sMC_QAqiueVSs_-My_v-wCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/nine-kopfer-zosE9lAYQlo-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">“We need to learn to live with this virus.” So say an increasing amount of people ‘in the know’. While most of us are at the very least fed up with this whole pandemic or have been traumatised at worst, this reasoning is unavoidable in its truism. Not only do we have to accept we have to live with it, we also have to make personal decisions about how. No matter how ill-equipped we may be and with all the varied opinions and even contrasting evidence that abounds we are ultimately left with our own evaluation, required to use our intuition and instinct.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">So what’s the difference between intuition and instinct? The two terms are often used interchangeably and the failure to differentiate them can lead us to think they’re the same thing. Because both intuition and instinct seem to appear out of nowhere and we don’t know how or why we feel what we feel, it is easy to confuse the two. I believe, however, that there is a distinct difference, which is especially relevant to our current situation – as well as to parenting and leadership – and they each serve a different purpose.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Instinct is a biologically hardwired survival mechanism. It is designed to help us sense danger or warning signs of threat and is often connected to our fight or flight response. Because we are not equipped to be consciously alert to all dangers, risks or hazards, our instinct works with all our physical senses and our subconscious to signal to us when we need to be on our guard or extra vigilant. Our conscious mind can only take in and process fewer than two hundred stimuli simultaneously, whether our subconscious – greatly assisted by our limbic system (often called our ‘emotional brain’) and its stored experiences – can process many millions per second, and herein lies our instinctive capacity.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">If we have a ‘feeling’ that a certain path our teenager is pursuing could be dodgy or even perilous, our instinct may be warning us with feelings of apprehension, unease or judgment. Or, if we are walking alone at night and have a gut feeling that someone is following us even though we can’t see or hear anything, that is usually our instinct alerting us, and our accompanying fear will activate the appropriate ‘fight-or-flight- response.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Intuition, on the other hand, signals us through what is deeply important to us, through feelings of unconditional love, balanced care and being ‘in flow’, and often is in alignment with our values and our desired direction for growth. It does not tend to function in stress but rather when we are completely present and ‘in the now’. Intuition ca be described as our ‘north star’ that doesn’t necessarily show us why a particular direction is the right one; we just ‘know’ – it feels right.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">If you’re a parent, your intuition is that inner conviction you have that your child needs a certain experience or connection and you have little or no way of explaining why; you ‘just know’. You may even feel there is a step that needs to be taken although you don’t know the step that follows it – this first step feels right ‘in your heart’. It is a sense of knowing that most of the time we cannot explain. If we trust and follow our intuition, inevitably it turns out to be a good or right decision. The key here is trust – trusting our intuition requires recognising it first, then having the confidence to act on it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">When our instinct alerts us, it is important to pay attention to it for obvious reasons. Physically it will feel uncomfortable like a nagging or uneasy feeling in the stomach that, if danger is present, needs to be acted on. When there is no evidence of immediate threat however, there is a chance that the instinct could be based on memories or unresolved emotions from a similar situation, so it might be prudent to also engage the intuition before acting.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">The intuition, in contrast, tends to feel subtler, like a nudge or an urge that you can’t explain and a sense of calm clarity that can also register as a sensation or stirring in the stomach or heart area. Developing discernment between the two is like learning two different languages, and requires first and foremost increased self-awareness, awareness of what you feel – physically and emotionally (the two are inextricably linked!) - what you’re thinking, how you’re acting and how that looks and affects others.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Increasing self-awareness and drawing on both instinct and intuition will be a key to learning to live with Covid-19, and indeed virus variants and other pandemics that may appear in the future. When we are tuned in to what we feel – understanding how each emotion impacts our thoughts and behaviour and our environment – we also increasingly experience that while we respond to our instinct, we can also tune into our intuition. As a result, we develop better discernment and ultimately feel more trust in our capacity to make appropriate decisions and considerations, both for ourselves and others.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif">A few tips to increase self-awareness:</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Each morning before you get up, check how and what you are feeling. </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Name the feeling. Accept it without judgment. Then take a few slow, deep breaths before you take next steps.</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Check in with yourself how and what you’re feeling throughout the day. Tie a piece of string around your wrist to remind you, or if you wear rings, move a ring to another finger to remind you.</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Whenever you pass a mirror or catch your reflection, notice your expression and your posture. Check in with how you’re feeling. Then smile to yourself.</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Set a timer to message you throughout the day to remind you to check in with yourself, your body and what you’re feeling.</span></li></ul><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes on intuition; <i>"You will never follow your inner voice until you clear up the doubts in your mind." </i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anonymous</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 15.333332061767578px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 15.333332061767578px;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Intuitive-Parenting-tune-innate-wisdom/dp/1472142187/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2TJTD9VTEGSWD&keywords=intuitive+parenting&qid=1561038257&s=gateway&sprefix=Intuitive+P%2Caps%2C128&sr=8-1">(Excerpted and adapted from <i>INTUITIVE PARENTING – How To Tune Into Your Innate Wisdom –</i><o:p></o:p></a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 15.333332061767578px;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Intuitive-Parenting-tune-innate-wisdom/dp/1472142187/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2TJTD9VTEGSWD&keywords=intuitive+parenting&qid=1561038257&s=gateway&sprefix=Intuitive+P%2Caps%2C128&sr=8-1">By Jennifer Day (Robinson, London, 2019)</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm;">For more articles and tips, visit <a href="https://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com"> appliedemotionalmastery.com</a></p>Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-43894723606033272692021-02-14T22:32:00.001-05:002021-02-14T22:33:13.877-05:00THE WISDOM OF EMOTIONS<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">In all my years of working with emotions and stress, this last year has been the most bizarre. However, no matter how strange the circumstances or how unnerving our experiences, we are still the same human beings with the same brains and biology, and the importance of understanding and managing our own emotions remains unchanged. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">In the first lockdown I created a video of ten tips for dealing with anxiety, fear, overwhelm and other stress-producing emotions. As vaccine roll-outs and numbers going down create a light of hope, our emotions are no longer as fear-driven. However, after experiencing such a disturbing and for many, traumatic year, our resilience has been sorely tested and our emotions are just as, if not more stress-producing. So, the tips apply equally; they are all practical and they work. The video is still available on my </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubnHftXI5qM&t=5s" style="color: #954f72;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Youtube channel here</span></a><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Regardless of which unpleasant emotions you may have felt or be feeling, consider changing your view of those emotions as negative, instead letting go of any judgment of your emotions.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">To help with this, here are some statements to ponder and even apply, and for some, a few reminders to help you and your loved ones emotionally with the next months of 2021 – whatever those months may bring!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">‘Negative’ Feelings Don’t Exist<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Actually, there are no ‘negative’ emotions, because all emotions are ‘messages’ and meant to serve a purpose. Your fears and negative conditioning (from the past and often from childhood) are what judge your feelings as negative or unwanted. Whenever this occurs, you can feel disconnected and disempowered,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><br />Through becoming open to exploring and understanding another view of your emotions, you can recognize how each “negative” feeling you experience is actually giving you information that’s meant to inform and guide you, often to make a change or to tune into someone else’s perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Let Go and BE with Your Feelings<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">A typical way most of us try to deal with our negative emotions is to resist them - try to control, rise above, ignore, or somehow free ourselves from them- all of which are actually dissociating actions. <br /><br />While it is natural to want to distance ourselves from what we don’t like, when we do, we also disconnect from the self-criticism or shame we subconsciously may feel about ourselves, which then leads us to begin justifying why we feel the way we do, including blaming others or external circumstances. Ironically, this will keep us increasingly attached to the painful emotion and can create an endless loop of distress.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">You Can Choose What You Feel<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">However, once you identify and name what you feel, you can instead make the choice to breathe with it and allow the anxious ‘voice’ of that negative emotion to fully surface Then write it all down. By writing down the emotion messages, your inner critic will ‘feel heard’, which means the mental chatter will dramatically reduce and may even dissolve completely. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Listen to the Wisdom of Your Uncomfortable Feeling<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Once you have allowed the unpleasant mental chatter to feel heard, your innate wisdom will have the chance to surface. Shift your focus to your heart area and breathe slowly, lengthening the exhale. Ask yourself: What does my inner wisdom want to say? What is my emotion trying to show me? Whatever comes to you, write it down. It may be something you can act on – in which case, do!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">No Lockdown on Connection!<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Moving through your own emotions in this way, makes it easier to reach out to others, (through whatever means you have in these strange times!), and there is no lockdown on emotional connection with others! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">A silver lining that seems to have appeared from the gloominess of this pandemic, at least for many of my clients and I’m sure others, is an improved ‘work-life balance’ as many are spending less time working and travelling, and more time with family or finding ways to ‘connect’ (flowers, phone calls, even letter writing!) <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Connecting with other people, -whether on screen with friends or loved ones, or just a smile with your eyes to the postman-, is one of the most important, healing, and helpful application of emotional mastery. From a neuroscience perspective, connecting with others (even just in a phone call) will release the neuropeptide oxytocin, also known as the ‘bonding hormone’. This downregulates feelings of distress even in ‘micro-moments’ of connection. Since our emotional health and ability to manage all the current stress is irrevocably linked to our immune system and ability to fight disease, …. well, enough said!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Stay safe and well – and may your connections become easier and easier!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; margin: 0.1pt 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">Jennifer<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 14.2pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p>Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-63345758429852877692020-07-05T14:58:00.000-04:002020-07-05T14:58:24.990-04:00REWIRE YOUR BRAIN<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Coming out of this strange state of ‘lockdown’, not knowing whether we’ll be ‘sent back into it again’ or able to keep moving into a more familiar state of being and living, the significance of the brain and how our past experiences have ‘wired’ us for resilience, becomes key.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">As I have mentioned in Blogs before, the part of the brain often referred to as the Executive Brain, that top-heavy front part called the Pre Frontal Cortex, defines us as humans. It is gradually developed from birth up to the age of about 24, and is shaped to a great degree based on our experiences (and responses to them), and to the 'programming' we receive. This part of the brain gives us a multitude of abilities, including contributing significantly to our </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">resilience and our abilities to;</span></div>
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<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Stay calm under pressure</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> and manage fear<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Manage our impulses<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Motivate ourselves</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – be able to generate positive emotions under stress and stay on course, even with setbacks<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Adapt and be flexible</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – be able to roll with the punches<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Have transparency</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – act from our values rather than just having a trendy vision statement<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Develop Emotional intelligence</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – to understand and self-regulate our emotions in order to gain the best, most insightful perspective<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Have ‘big-picture’ insight</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> –to be aware of the present, look backward at the past, and have a vision of the future, simultaneously (mental time-travel </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Feel empathy</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – be able to step into someone else’s shoes and see their viewpoint without your own agenda getting in the way<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Become attuned to other people</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – ultimately making them more likely to feel trusting and loyal towards us<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Act according to values</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> and ethics – imagining and in-acting the greater good, above and beyond our own personal satisfaction<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Trust intuition</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> – be able to process gut feeling and heart-felt sense and use in an appropriate way to inform decisions</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Of course we’re not necessarily automatically good at any of these – for most of us it takes a bit of effort and quite frequently, a lot of work! SO what are the most recent findings that can make all this easier, to both understand and apply?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><b>1. First of all, your personal (and professional) growth work can change your brain!</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">It can be helpful to know that neuroscience and psychology have significant overlaps with each other as well as with ancient contemplative practices – (Mindfulness being a ‘modern’ version and the most commonly quoted). When you apply techniques such as the Applied Emotional Mastery <a href="https://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com/coaching-programs" target="_blank">(AEM)</a> techniques and practices, you are not only helping yourself and your actions or relationships short-term, you are also actually changing the very structure of your brain, thereby impacting your life long-term. Neuroscientists can now shows us clearly that repeated emotional and mental activity entail repetition of neural (brain) activity which builds actual neural structures. It is said that n<b><i>eurons that fire together, wire together. </i></b>This means that the more you for example feel compassion for yourself and others, the more you will be inclined to feel compassionate in situations when you previously might have found it difficult. Conversely, the more you allow yourself to feel put upon or resentful (and justify feeling that way), the more hardwired this becomes and the more predisposed you become to feeling this way in response to a variety of situations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">2. Secondly, all humans have a bias towards negativity.</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> (It’s not just you!) Our ancestors, trying to survive cave life, would understandably place more importance on avoiding sticks than pursuing carrots. The result is that our brains are wired to pay most attention to anything that feels even remotely threatening or disturbing. In our memory bank there is a preferential ‘coding’ that makes us learn faster from pain than pleasure and be more motivated by fear of loss than by desire for gain. (This explains a lot!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">To make positive changes that give lasting benefit and become permanent traits it is not quite enough to merely think positively. We need to download it – (think of it as just like installing or downloading a program onto your computer versus just viewing a link) – and that involves emotions. To ‘download’ or install anything positive requires both repetition and prolonged experience, allowing the integration of the ‘new’ emotional experience or perspective in your brain to become traits –the desired change to become ‘hardwired’– making increased resilience, inner strength, and other desired qualities permanent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">SO: here’s a couple of tips/reminders to help you install an increased state of well-being:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">TAKE FIVE!</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">A short, 5 minute meditation</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> integrated into your daily routine (you can find several in the <a href="https://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com/multimedia" target="_blank">Multi-media </a>section of our website or on our <a href="http://www.youtube.com/EmotionRevolution" target="_blank">YouTube channel</a>) will activate the ‘Executive’ circuits in the brain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">RELISH!</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">To recover from too many stress-hormones and build resilience, we need to generate those hormones that give us a much-needed balance, including endorphins. We do this best by <i>RELISHING </i>the good feelings and experiences we have. When you are enjoying something, savour it. The longer you keep that feeling of appreciation or relishing going, the more the neurons keep firing together and the more chance there is of the neurons wiring together. For example, on your way to work and enjoying the blue sky and sunshine, keep enjoying it. Stop your wandering mind by bringing it back to how good it feels to really appreciate the sunny morning, RELISH AND ABSORB THE GOOD FEELING! Install it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Stay safe and well! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> - and may your self-mastery increase by the day </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Jennifer<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-34875010621382204792020-02-16T11:09:00.000-05:002020-02-16T11:09:22.784-05:00LEADERSHIP AND PARENTING: DEAD RINGERS?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nh1XZKPISeE/Xklnnowu8eI/AAAAAAAACow/btx-fSutrYkMHYO-oRTs174fbeIFGkoFQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/AEM%2BGetAttachment-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="464" data-original-width="640" height="232" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nh1XZKPISeE/Xklnnowu8eI/AAAAAAAACow/btx-fSutrYkMHYO-oRTs174fbeIFGkoFQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/AEM%2BGetAttachment-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“<i>I am endlessly fascinated by that playing football is considered a training ground for leadership, but raising children isn’t.”</i> So said political analyst Dee Dee Myers and indeed, this <i>is </i>a fascinating observation because leadership and parenting are possibly the two roles that are most similar in requirements for success.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Take a well-known quote about parenting; “<i>There are two lasting bequests we can give our children; one is roots and the other is wings</i>.” Replace the word children with employees and it holds equal value. Or a quote about leadership: “<i>Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. Once you’re a leader, success is all about growing others</i>.” Replace ‘leader’ with parent’ and again, snap!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-style: normal;">Recognising our influence on those we lead or guide is the key to both parenting </span><span lang="EN-US">and</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-style: normal;"> leadership – and we influence both children and employees on several levels, three in fact. First of all, with what we do and what we say. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-style: normal;"> </span><span style="font-style: normal;">If what we say isn’t consistent with what we do, most of us can recognise that we create confusion and incoherence. In other words, we know that the old maxim “do what I say, not what I do!” is obsolete and doesn’t work. Whatever we say, especially to anyone we have influence over –a child or an employee– needs to be followed up by action that is congruent with our spoken words. If not, the result is a loss of respect - with often dire consequences. As if this isn’t challenging enough, there is a third element to take into consideration, and that is how we </span><span style="font-style: normal;">feel</span><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">When what we </span>feel<span style="font-style: normal;"> is inconsistent with either of the other two, it will influence our thinking and our behaviour, no matter how controlled we think we are! It will also be picked up by the other person, and we can never fully know just how sensitive he or she is. The result? Insecurities and a sense of in-authenticity will begin to permeate the relationship, - whether that relationship is with your child, employee or indeed with anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">The key to avoiding this –or resolving it if you think you are already inconsistent– is to first ensure you are fully aware of what you are feeling, of any underlying emotions, and then manage those emotions so that they either a) become consistent with your outward communication OR b) if appropriate, you find a positive way to align your actions with your true feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">This is obviously, for most of us, easier said than done! Personally, I found it to be a huge challenge early on in life and went through many years of searching and working on myself to gain my own emotional mastery (I’m still ‘a work in progress’!) Raising my own daughter as well as running several companies, it has never ceased to amaze me that such an important life-skill is not given us at the same time as we learn ‘please’, ‘thank-you’, and reading and writing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">As a result, I have made it my life’s mission to help others, especially those who lead, guide and raise others, to learn to identify, understand and manage emotions – their own and those they influence. And the core skills and abilities are the same for both leaders and parents!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">Fortunately, I get plenty of help from the copious amounts of relatively recent research findings, from both neuroscience and decades of studies in psychology, evidence that consistently shows just how significant managing our emotions –developing our emotional intelligence– is to not only our own success, but also to our capacity for positively influencing others and for successful, healthy, sustainable relationships, be they with our children, those we lead, or anyone we wish to make a positive difference to!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-73885087507686124442019-07-31T16:56:00.000-04:002019-07-31T16:56:55.561-04:00DO YOU REALLY LISTEN?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> We
don’t listen. Really, we don’t. Listening requires us to be fully present, and
if there is one thing that seems to have become increasingly difficult to do,
it’s to be fully present, and therefore to fully listen. In her book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alone Together</i>, researcher and
psychologist Sherry Turkle shares her findings that children are complaining
more about parents not listening to them than they have ever done. The increased
pressures of life appear to have shortened our attention spans significantly, reducing
our ability to focus on just one thing at a time. If someone who is speaking to
us doesn’t get straight to the point we lose interest and pull out our phone
‘just to check’; we check our devices for social media updates or emails if the
film we’re watching has a lull in it, and we text while we’re giving our child
instructions on their schedule, all the while convincing ourselves that we are really
good at multitasking, when what we are actually getting good at, is doing
nothing very well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>While
we have gained convenience and an ease of connecting that we couldn’t even
dream of a generation ago, we seem to be losing the ability for being fully
present with someone, for giving all our attention to listening and
understanding so that the person feels heard and felt. The erosion of this
ability is taking its toll on all relationships, but especially our
relationships with our children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
breakdown of listening as an ability or skill is also evident inside our own
minds where we are ‘multitasking’ while supposedly listening to someone.
Although we hear what is being said, we are simultaneously assessing the part
that resonated most, even judging it, and framing our own reply while a
multitude of other thoughts that have nothing at all to do with the
conversation are running rampant in our head; what we’re having for dinner, the
traffic report, the shopping list we forgot, the missed phone call and all the
emails we have to write as soon as we can get back to our device. I certainly cannot
listen successfully in this way, nor can anyone else I have ever met, yet we
all continue to attempt to listen and multitask simultaneously as if it were
actually possible, then wonder why we have so many misunderstandings and challenges
in our communications and capacity to understand each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>To
truly listen requires attention, willingness to place our own issues aside, and
respect. It requires that we give the speaker (even if she is just a toddler)
our full and focused attentiveness, that we are willing to untether ourselves
from any agenda we might have while we listen, and that we respect the speaker
enough to consider his or her expressions seriously. Unfortunately, because
this doesn’t happen much today, we experience and witness endless frustrations,
misinterpretations, misunderstandings, disagreements, arguments and conflicts
in every area of life on an extraordinary, and I would posit unmatched,
level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In families, corporations,
organisations, groups, and relationships of every kind, the failure to listen well
is rampant and regrettably also forms the basis of assumptions that underlie
many important decisions that are made on all levels of society –assumptions
that were made because we didn’t take the time, nor did we have the focus, to
listen well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Learning
to listen well and be fully present is a critical skill, and one that we need
to give a lot more priority to developing, more now than ever. Learning to master
our own emotions is key. The more we are masters of our own emotional state –in
other words, the better we can manage our own feelings and stress– the better
equipped we are to listen and understand others, especially our children well. It
is a significant gain that results from developing the self-awareness and
capacity for self-management that is emotional intelligence, and that Applied
Emotional Mastery</span><span style="font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 150%;">™</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> facilitates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-15576220306653476452019-03-30T14:10:00.000-04:002019-04-08T15:45:32.398-04:00ARE WE HARDWIRED FOR FOMO - or is it a choice?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">We are hard-wired for
connection. Recent findings show that </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">when
we feel social pain – a snub, a rejection or an unkind word – our emotional
experience is as real as physical pain. <span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Unfortunately,
in</span> our so-called Western culture we tend to venerate independence, often
rejecting the notion of connecting with and relying on one another for emotional
well-being – the very connection we are wired to need. But the findings are
irrefutable: we are wired to be social beings, and that means <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">inter</i>dependence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">What we mean by ‘wired’ is that there is
a network of neurons in the brain that facilitates our connection with each
other. It is biological. This neural network was discovered by psychiatrist and
neurologist Constantin von Economo in 1926 as part of his research into neuroanatomy.
He discovered two unusually long neurons in the prefrontal cortex (front of the
brain), and that these neurons extend all the way into the gut. There they
inform our instinctive social responses, such as when we automatically respond
to cues like a smile of recognition or a familiar voice, a scowl of displeasure
or a cry of pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This neural network also drives out need
for social connection and acknowledgment, which brings me to the all too
prevalent FOMO (fear of missing out). Although there are many theories as to
why our current-day internet use – particularly social media – appears to be so
addictive, this neural network we all have, suggests that it’s not the internet
per se that is addictive, but the compulsion to connect, to avoid feeling
alone, excluded, or out of the loop. The resulting anxiety that appears to
becoming a problem we cannot ignore, is driven by this primal drive to connect
and essentially have our existence recognised by others. Social media is
feeding this instinct with instantaneous reward (or not) that keeps us checking
in with increasing frequency such that we never get to fully recover before we
feel the need to check again. This is the addictive cycle that, although originally
stemming from a perfectly natural neural wiring, becomes imbalanced, perpetuating
anxiety and stress – sadly much of which is the result of imagined rejection. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Combatting this by giving more priority
to actual human connection will go some way to restoring the balance. All ‘in
person’ contact with other human beings triggers biochemical responses, at
every level of our bodies and brains. Electrically and chemically. Both the
heart and the brain picks up signals as well as transmitting them. Within 12
feet of another person, our bodies start to pick up emotional energy from
another person, layered by our own beliefs, memories, judgments and narratives
we imagine, based on how we ourselves are feeling. In less than a millisecond
we determine whether we feel defensive towards the person or trust the person,
and whether he or she may add value to the interaction or conversation we are
about to embark upon. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This ‘real-life’ way is how we are
designed to connect and to develop relationships and (hopefully) healthy
interdependences.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-themecolor: text1;">
Fully present, focused interaction, appreciating and savouring our connection
with the other person, releases endorphins which counteract the addictive
quick-fix reward-dopamine cycle, creating more balance and quality of relationship.
Our capacity to ‘tune in’ to others, in person, also helps us to empathise and
generate compassion and other balancing and self-regulating emotions that make
us more fully present with those very connections we yearn for. The result is a
healthier, happier and actually considerably more connected life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Arial;">A
few practical tips:<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Check
the ‘Social’ in Screen-Time</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">: 99% of
the time, the reason for checking social media frequently is that, deep down,
you just want to connect. Remind yourself of this each time you reach for your
device; the connections you make there are largely superficial. Pause and ask
yourself whether it will bring you closer to or further away from real-life
connections?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hacking
real-life connection</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">: Can your next
use of social media be to foster your real-life relationships (i.e. arranging
to meet for a coffee, or organise a gathering?) Try to avoid passively scanning
feeds or engaging in social comparisons. Instead, explore how you can use technology
more to deepen real-life connections: to spread happiness, gratitude,
compassion, and the well-being that comes from in-person communication. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Check-in
with Yourself:</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> Throughout your day,
at regular intervals, (for example whenever you reach for your phone) take your
attention into your body and ask yourself what you feel. Identify the emotion,
and the associated tension or felt sense. Let your body ‘tell you’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Let
it Be</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">: Allow yourself to identify a feeling-word
or an image to describe your body’s sensation. Accept it, and breathe into it. And
only then, let it go – exhale and allow the tension to drop away. Then ask
yourself if the emotion is telling you something you need to act on or maybe it’s
not working for you? Do you need to change the way you feel (rather than
escaping from it into technology)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Choose
it or ‘Lose it’</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">: Use technology to
help you choose how you feel rather than allowing tech to control you. Sign up
for apps that help you get centred and activate that inner smile: Headspace is
a good one to start with, as are the HeartMath apps, and Happify. Better still,
use a journal and pen and write to process your emotions and thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-right: 1.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The
Real 5-2 Fast</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">; a list of tips such as
these cannot exist without the suggestion to take a technology fast. There is
so much evidence now to show that regularly disconnecting from tech is good for
your health and happiness that I will not elaborate much. Suffice it to say
studies show it can improve your concentration, reduce stress and anxiety, and
increase your overall well-being and mental health. Try giving yourself limits
such as no devices by the table or in the bedroom. Better yet, turn them all
off at the weekend, so you get 2 social-media-free days for every 5 you use! I
promise you, it will make a significant improvement to your well-being and the
well-being of all your connections and relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br /></div>
</div>
</div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-65808660841162388932018-12-09T11:11:00.000-05:002019-02-11T12:10:59.882-05:00EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE '5-A-DAY' TIPS FOR THE NEW YEAR!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--SfSAxRBVPw/XA099G6ctsI/AAAAAAAAB1M/RpzXvGxF25c0bhCMBqnoxP1kq50201MQwCEwYBhgL/s1600/Confused.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="266" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--SfSAxRBVPw/XA099G6ctsI/AAAAAAAAB1M/RpzXvGxF25c0bhCMBqnoxP1kq50201MQwCEwYBhgL/s320/Confused.jpg" width="212" /></a><span style="color: #444444;">I wonder whether you are as puzzled as I am by the lack of emotional maturity </span><span style="color: #444444;">amongst politicians these days? Where is the emotional intelligence? Not that we should expect our leaders to have the highest EI any more than that they should have the highest IQ. but the complete lack of it we are seeing around the world beggars belief. It seems to me that uncontrolled emotions are completely running things.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;">We all know that emotions are powerful, but I believe there is enough evidence published by now that I can safely claim they are THE most powerful force we have. They drive everything of significance: what you think, how you behave, how you perform, how you communicate, how well your brain works and even how healthy you are. And while emotions are powerful when you are aware of them, emotions wreak havoc when you’re not! Which could be one reason why unmanaged emotions are so prevalent in politics and leadership: there is little if any self-awareness.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;">As you may be aware (pun intended), self-awareness is a prerequisite for emotional and social intelligence – if you are unaware of what you’re feeling or how it’s impacting you, you are unlikely to have much awareness of how you are affecting others. You will also have less capacity for empathy and, most important of all, for managing your own emotions so you could think and act in ways that work better for you, your goals, your situation and the people around you.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;">Unfortunately, there is little any of us can do about our leaders (save taking EI into consideration next time we are called on to vote for or influence the election of one, of course.) However, we can always get better at developing our own EI – and thereby influence ourselves and our surroundings in as positive a way as possible. Just as with the plastics crisis, we each can make a difference!</span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;">So, as we move towards 2019 (a year that will hopefully be managed with more emotional intelligence) – I offer a few practical guidelines (or for many of you, reminders) to help us all contribute to that! </span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #444444;">Think of them as your ‘EI 5-A-Day’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
</div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><b style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;">Label
your feelings</b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;"> rather than other people - avoiding blame.</span></li>
<li><b style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;">Own your feelings.</b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;"> Take
responsibility for your own emotional reality. (Check in your body; where &
what are your feelings?)</span></li>
<li><b style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;">Make
a distinction</b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;"> between what you feel and what you think.</span></li>
<li><b style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;">Acknowledge
when your emotions aren’t helpful </b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;">or working for you and/or others,
and </span><b style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;">take a time-out to self-regulate</b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;"> and problem-solve whatever is causing the
emotion (use tension release processes and slow breathing).</span></li>
<li><b style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;">Look
for learning </b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;">and growth in your emotions or the stress-producing situation, and
appreciate ‘what is’.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: small;">I hope you find this a helpful checklist. If so, do pass it on!</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-size: small;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Uu29CAH4anM/XA0313FoUGI/AAAAAAAAB00/p8bzCinjVL0msCZHuI-NLrK5VgXAg44OgCEwYBhgL/s1600/woo%2Bhoo%2521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Uu29CAH4anM/XA0313FoUGI/AAAAAAAAB00/p8bzCinjVL0msCZHuI-NLrK5VgXAg44OgCEwYBhgL/s200/woo%2Bhoo%2521.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: small;">Warm wishes,</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: small;">Jennifer</span></span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-15128065565746536802018-10-07T15:38:00.000-04:002018-10-07T15:38:58.973-04:00THAT STILL SMALL VOICE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<!--StartFragment-->
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WvXHoZAsja0/W7pgcfLriaI/AAAAAAAABxk/lOjGguStb8YQXrb-1cFYQ2fQWs6CGXOPACLcBGAs/s1600/-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="151" data-original-width="226" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WvXHoZAsja0/W7pgcfLriaI/AAAAAAAABxk/lOjGguStb8YQXrb-1cFYQ2fQWs6CGXOPACLcBGAs/s1600/-1.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I have spent the last 9 months writing my new
book, ‘Intuitive Parenting’ – a ‘how to’ book being published by LittleBrown
next summer. An exciting project to say the least, and I am relieved to say the editing process is complete and I just finished reading the final proofs. Phew!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">During the writing process,
it became very evident to me that intuition –tuning into and trusting it- is
not just important for parents, it applies to us all. Bombarded as we are by
external and oft-extraneous influences 24/7, the ability to access our innate intuition
is increasingly critical for all of us. With unprecedented quantities of
virtual stimulus, never-ending streams of unsettling global news, and the pressures
of just having a life in these trying times, the result can so easily be ever
increasing stress and self-doubt. (No wonder anxiety and depression are on the
rise!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Tuning into and building
confidence in our own innate ‘wise inner voice’ may actually require that we
take <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">less</i> input from outside sources,
if for no other reason than that the wide array of differing opinions and
contradictory advice ‘out there’ can so easily result in confusion, insecurity
and indecisiveness, even leading to us making regretful decisions. On the other
hand, confidence in our own ‘north star’ and strengthening our intuition
requires listening to it, how it feels in our bodies, and then acting on what
feels right. Once we do that, the (invariably) positive feedback we get from
the result builds confidence in our intuition, strengthening both our intuitive
voice and our self-confidence. In other words, less ‘’Googling’ and more taking
time to ‘listen’ to ourselves and that still small voice inside – and then
acting on what we get is something I have become convinced of is key to both
well-being and anything else we may want to achieve. Seriously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">My conviction of this has
not only been strengthened by endless research results documenting the
significance of managed emotions (the result of which is a greater ability to
tune into one’s intuition), but also studies by well-established and reputable
business publications reporting on one of the most visible side effects of the unstable
times we are living in for business - that executives just cannot handle it. Clearly,
one of the most important things a CEO has to do is stay focused and steady as
the stress on the business becomes so intense it can feel like being under
siege. However, the current climate of uncertainty leaves many a leader in panic mode, their
resulting emotion-driven behaviour often derailing their businesses or at the
very least magnifying problems to the degree that they negatively impacting
every member of their team. The innate ability for leadership that may have
originally elevated them to their current position is no longer working, for
them or their business. I rest my case. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">A FEW TIPS? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">NOTICE YOUR BODY:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Whenever you have a decision
to make, however small, check in with your body first. Breathe slowly. Centre
yourself. Then imagine one of the decisions as if it is already made and check
how your body feels. Does it feel uncomfortable in any way, or does it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>right? Do this with each decision.
Whatever feels right, is usually right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">TAKE TIME:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Give yourself time to get
calm and centred. Whether you’re a parent or a leader, in a stressful situation
take enough time (it needn’t be more than a minute) to centre and ‘widen your
perspective to see ‘the big picture’ before determining the action needed. BE
first, DO after.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">BE FLEXIBLE:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Anyone who is in charge of
or influencing others – be it children or employees – will do best if they can
be flexible. Like an athlete or dancer, maintaining a centred balance within
yourself, so you can quickly pivot to meet the need of the moment will
counteract any possible damage caused by uncertainty – be that in the financial
market or the farmers market with a runaway child!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Until next time, thanks for
reading!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Jennifer<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-73909769050945009132018-07-03T15:22:00.000-04:002018-08-04T09:46:28.290-04:00DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jk5TrxBfYGo/WzvHRHXyU8I/AAAAAAAABts/3kElVGEi1FoafmO4q98bztgKTXW6fnZKQCLcBGAs/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2018-07-03%2Bat%2B20.01.14.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="483" height="196" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jk5TrxBfYGo/WzvHRHXyU8I/AAAAAAAABts/3kElVGEi1FoafmO4q98bztgKTXW6fnZKQCLcBGAs/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2018-07-03%2Bat%2B20.01.14.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial";">The oyster must become aware of the grain of sand before it can make a pearl.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I have quoted this once before, but I am thinking it bears repeating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">When we want to initiate any kind of change or growth, (or maybe even more relevant these days), try to handle turmoil around us with a bit more grace, the first step lies in awareness, self-awareness – it really is unavoidable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">A client of mine once told me that to him, awareness meant ‘taking note of something from all sides, looking at all aspects’. An interesting perspective. I challenged him to consider that view regarding his <i>self-</i>awareness. He rose to my challenge and shared an initial insight which I think applies to many; that too often we only see ourselves, and others, from just one perspective, with a view that is merely observing what appears to be on the surface.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Attempting to widen out perspective, (we can even aim for a 360 degree of self-awareness!) we can begin with a ‘conversation’ with the self about an aspect of our self we are not used to giving too much attention to or that we have neglected (for example, if we are ‘over-working’, our 'self-care' side may need some attention.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">You will find that by asking a gentle question to yourself now and then (‘how am I feeling?’ or ‘does that feel ok?’), slowly, just like with another person, the ‘object of your attention’, - that part of you that’s been neglected - will begin to open up to you to reveal it’s essence. From there you can begin to see that aspect of yourself for what it really is and develop a rapport with yourself that is necessary for any change to begin to take place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Obviously, it isn’t very easy to change something if you don’t know what it is, so the time spent in ‘making friends’ with the little 'grains of sand' in your own inner life will be time well spent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Alternatively, you can always test this idea with yourself. Ask yourself: How well do you know you? When was the last time you had a conversation with yourself that was just about you? Not about your job or your partner or what you think about X or what your feel about Y. Just a little chat inside about how and who you are. It may sound silly but most of us don’t seem to have the time for these little chats with ourselves, and the result can be that we go about our lives for years and years and everything seems okay when suddenly – Boom! One day we look around us and realise that we don’t have the slightest idea as to why we are doing what we’re doing. Our partners and family are strangers to us, we have nothing left to say to old friends and our work has become meaningless. Nothing has changed, really – we’ve just let ourselves lose touch with who we are. We’ve forgotten to check in with ourselves for so long, that one day, that other part of you stand up and says “Hey, this isn’t what I want!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">At this point we usually do one of two things; we either panic or we ignore the little voice and all our feelings. We pull ourselves together and go right on doing what we are used to and hope that the feelings will pass. But they don’t. We can make them go away for an hour or a day, but sooner or later they pop up again and will continue to do so untill we take the time to listen to what those feelings are telling us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">But with a little self-awareness - and being more tuned in to our body - we can learn to listen to what our internal voice is saying to us </span><i style="font-family: Arial;">before </i><span style="font-family: "arial";">we get to that place – hopefully avoiding such a 'boom!' experience altogether. This is the beginning of transformational change in our lives – when we can start to hear and interact with what we are saying to ourselves and learn to use these conversations to bring about other changes that will benefit not only you, but the little ‘you’ inside.</span><i style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "arial";">What are the grains of sand in your life?</span></i><span style="font-family: "arial";">. ‘Listen’ to your emotions, listen to your body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-64993519545273403182018-01-28T14:39:00.000-05:002018-01-28T14:39:59.677-05:00AGREE TO DISAGREE?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C7SzuWcKjnc/Wm4jBr1L7SI/AAAAAAAABn4/qgzAT-RvVjEE8yP5Pvjw80MBqfFANLFgwCLcBGAs/s1600/OVERWHELM%2B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="400" height="211" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C7SzuWcKjnc/Wm4jBr1L7SI/AAAAAAAABn4/qgzAT-RvVjEE8yP5Pvjw80MBqfFANLFgwCLcBGAs/s320/OVERWHELM%2B.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I find myself beginning to appreciate
something I used to hate as a child, something I felt was filled with disdain
and put-downs and which I felt emotionally inept at participating in – that
something was ‘vigorous discussion’. In our family, discussions often turned heated
and even hostile. I would get so emotional I couldn’t compete with some family
members’ forcefulness, especially those who seemed to find amusement in others’
agitation or passion. Invariably I would get so emotional I would just storm
off, (definitely contributing to my desire to learn how to manage emotions!) <o:p></o:p></div>
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Nevertheless, discussion remained
to some degree a part of my life, and as I learned to manage my emotions
better, (particularly needed when one of my more passionate opinions was
challenged!) I also learned to recognise the value of discussion in accepting
differing points of view and in taking me out of my comfort zone, thereby expanding
my mind. I learned that getting along with each other is not synonymous with concurrent
opinions, and that there is such a thing as healthy conflict. <o:p></o:p></div>
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However, in the last couple of
years my view of the inevitability of healthy discussion and disagreements during
life’s journey has been challenged, and challenged too often to be ignored.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It seems that many of us are becoming
less and less willing to handle differences of opinion, and more and more
inclined to judge and condemn outright those who may have a differing view, even
before any kind of dialog has begun, never mind having a discussion. I am not
referring to any subject matter in particular, but rather a trend both on
social media and in ‘real’ life that is creating more rigidity, intolerance and
blame and less and less of what we really need; resilience, tolerance,
compassion, and emotionally intelligence.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Whether this is due to increasingly
divisive and hostile political atmospheres, growing vitriol on social media or a
combination of many other factors, it certainly isn’t helped by the algorithms of
social media that only feeds us more of whatever perspective we already agree
with, leaving our opinions unchallenged and our comfort zone firmly intact. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Although these algorithms create an
environment that meets our need to connect with like-minded people in
like-minded groups, all too often those same groups allow no dissent and offer only
facts that support our beliefs, making it easy to ignore any evidence that our perception
could be wanting or even mistaken. The momentary sense of belonging such
exclusivity brings creates internal narratives –storylines we tell ourselves–
that actually fuel isolation, prejudice, and create feelings of defensiveness,
leading to anxiety and even fear. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Psychologist and author Brene Brown
puts it this way; “W<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hen we feel isolated,
disconnected, we try to protect ourselves. In that mode we want to connect, but
our brain is attempting to override connection with self-protection. That means
less empathy, more defensiveness, more numbing.”</i> Brown, a research
professor at the University of Houston, has studied fear since before 9/11. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">For the moment, most of us are either making
the choice to protect ourselves from conflict, discomfort and vulnerability by
staying quiet, or picking sides. Either way, the choices we’re making to
protect our beliefs and ourselves are leaving us disconnected, afraid and
lonely.”</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
I wonder if our new Minister for
Loneliness here in the UK has made this connection, that there is a significant
relationship between unchallenged opinions and loneliness? (Yes, for those of
you in other countries that may not have heard, we do now have a Minister for
Loneliness!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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A researcher who has studied loneliness
and its causes and effects for over twenty years is social neuroscientist John
Cacioppo. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To grow into adulthood as a
social species, as humans,” </i>he says,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> “is
not to become autonomous and solitary, it’s to become the one on whom others
can depend. Whether we know it or not, our brain and biology have been shaped
to favour this outcome.” </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Our brains are hardwired to connect
and to meet the basic human need to belong –to a family, group or tribe. Cacioppo’s
studies have found that our neural, hormonal and genetic make-up supports
interdependence over independence. We derive the most strength <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> from our individualism, but from our
collective ability to plan, communicate, negotiate and collaborate together.
And today, instead of creating isolation, social media <u>could</u> be a
positive force for connecting us to diverse opinions, diverse cultures and
indeed diversity of experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Almost two decades ago I attended a
conference where the keynote speaker, activist and author of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You Are, Therefore I Am</i>, Satish Kumar suggested
that the greatest illusion of our time is that we are independent. He pointed
out that the focus on the independent individual has lead us down a destructive
path and he used the US Declaration of Independence as a metaphor, saying “…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">instead we need a Declaration of Dependence,
…… we are dependent on each other, on our earth and on our society.</i>” The
fact that indeed we are dependent on each other includes our diversity and
diversity of opinions as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Healthy discussion or ‘healthy
conflict’ has also been a noteworthy part of the research into emotional
intelligence, with several studies showing clear evidence that there is a
significant relationship between the ability to participate in healthy conflict
and high emotional intelligence (EI). Those with well-developed EI are more
likely to collaborate and to seek and find compromise than those with less
developed EI who were more likely to avoid conflict altogether or adopt a
dominating style. * Albert Einstein stated it well (although emotional
intelligence was not a concept back then) “Any fool can know; the point is to
understand.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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TRY THIS:<br />
1.When you find yourself feeling disturbed or threatened by disagreement or a
challenge to your beliefs, take a deep breath and give yourself a few moments
to pay attention to your emotion, and the tension in your body. Try to let go
of the tension. Exhale and ask yourself if you are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> threatened (if the answer you give yourself is ‘yes’ then
plese leave the situation). If you know you are not really threatened, stand up
if you can and take a few deep breaths, checking your posture and opening your
chest. Centre yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. Then listen – and for just a
minute or two, step into the shoes of the other person. Try to understand where
they are coming from. This is not so you’ll agree with them – just so you
understand and therefore can increase your ability to better communicate.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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3. When you do ‘speak your truth’
in a disagreement, try to stay aware of your triggers - monitor your breath,
your body and your posture. Notice any tension or uncomfortable changes. This
will help you stay aware of possible ‘short circuiting’ in your brain that may
have your ‘threat system’ triggered – in which case a long exhale or even a
trip to the bathroom might be called for.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If we can be mindful like this,
take charge of our emotions, on purpose, within a discussion or conflict, our
brain stays ‘switched on’. In such a ‘managed’ state we can also stay aware of
and true to our own values while being mindful of the differing values of the
other - and the possible value of the very conflict itself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
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When we mindfully manage our
emotions, a disagreement can –instead of something we avoid– become an energy
that propels us forward to a resolution or to finding a middle ground, and
often a collaboration that helps us act or ‘perform’ better, be more authentic,
learn about each other and keep communication open. With such ‘emotional
intelligence’ applied, conflict can even be used positively, creating an energy
that can ‘get things done’. Most importantly, it is within a healthy discussion
or conflict that we can capture the differences and diversity that make a
community, group or family a stronger, richer, more entrained unit. At the very
least, we can agree to disagree!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Jennifer</b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/EmotionRevolution/"><span style="font-size: small;">https://www.facebook.com/EmotionRevolution/</span></a></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-91178352061247374392017-09-24T10:21:00.000-04:002017-09-25T09:02:24.334-04:00EMOTIONS OVER INTELLECT?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Emotions over Intellect or intellect over emotions? When I
heard this question raised on the radio, I stopped in my tracks. What?! This can’t
be right. But the voice on the radio went on, extrapolating his belief that we
have become a society with too much focus on emotions. According to him, we
talk about them, revel in them, and use them as an excuse for unacceptable
behaviour. This may occasionally be true, but it became clear that he viewed
emotions as completely separate from intellect – in fact he claimed that a
focus on emotions somehow dumbs us down, interferes with our intellectual
progress and actually reduces logical thinking. In these last three words, I
finally agreed he had a point, but not in the way he meant it! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HREAx_tIp2A/Wce6R25Wj0I/AAAAAAAABiM/SqNlpvOCwkAA-tLNQ6idDZAhKYz9Z_25QCLcBGAs/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2017-09-24%2Bat%2B14.59.01.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="247" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HREAx_tIp2A/Wce6R25Wj0I/AAAAAAAABiM/SqNlpvOCwkAA-tLNQ6idDZAhKYz9Z_25QCLcBGAs/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2017-09-24%2Bat%2B14.59.01.png" /></a></div>
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If the question were ‘either emotion OR intellect’ – it would
indicate that if we want to achieve intellectual prowess we need to get rid or
reduce our emotions, not give them any attention – which is tantamount to
stuffing our feelings in a bag. My first argument against this attitude is that
we now have almost a century’s worth of evidence showing how stifling emotions
damages both mental and physical health in all manner of ways. Secondly and more
to the point, as far as the intellect is concerned our emotional state actually
drives our thinking. When our feelings are positive, happy, engaged, enthused,
purposeful, inspired, or passionate, our brain is fully ‘switched on’ and works
at its highest potential. Emotions only dumb down our intelligent,
reasonable thinking when they are negatively stress-producing and unmanaged,
when they trigger signals sent between the brain and the body that prime
us for defence. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We only have one system to deal with stress, and this system
is designed to prepare us for self-defence against <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">physical </i>threat. When it is triggered, our energy needs to be
diverted to our body, our heart beating faster so that blood and oxygen can be
sent to our muscles and we become stronger and more able to fight or run away
from a rabid animal or some other threat. In such cases, we also need our brain
to be laser-focused, so any area of the brain that makes us empathic,
creative, curious or otherwise ‘intellectually inclined, is of no use and so
basically shuts down. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, these days when our 'threat system' becomes
triggered, we are usually experiencing a threat to our assumptions, expectations,
pride or ego. So, when we are stuck in traffic and that all-important meeting
may be missed or we feel offended or rejected by a text or email, our brain –
if unmanaged – goes into its ‘threat response’. The result is that any logical,
intelligent thinking is reduced to almost naught and in many cases is obliterated
altogether. Anyone who has regretted their own actions or behaviour will likely
recognise this experience!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Emotions and intellect are two parts of the same human
brain, and both are needed for either to function well. In order for both to flourish, one cannot stifle the other, instead they must collaborate. We need to use
the intellect to acknowledge, validate and learn what our emotions are telling
us (yes, they <i>all </i>have something to tell us), and learn to manage our emotions
so they <i>support </i>the intellect.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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This is all the work of attaining and applying emotional
mastery - and although you could say this is all very relevant to the current state of world affairs(!), we can only really take charge of ourselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For information about coaching and resources go to <a href="http://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com/">www.AppliedEmotionalMastery.com</a> or for tips and guided meditations to help build emotional mastery, go to <span style="font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/EmotionRevolution">www.youtube.com/EmotionRevolution</a></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment--><!--EndFragment-->Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-17196903364679937712017-06-07T16:55:00.001-04:002019-03-31T11:13:20.260-04:00LOVE POWER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C9Nc12cRUsU/WThnxu2xGsI/AAAAAAAABfA/xYnFiSjKxfA0yU_JF0lIDW0LRKSUr0GRACLcB/s1600/LOVE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C9Nc12cRUsU/WThnxu2xGsI/AAAAAAAABfA/xYnFiSjKxfA0yU_JF0lIDW0LRKSUr0GRACLcB/s200/LOVE.jpg" width="200" /></a><strong><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love
increases endorphins – (you may know this). But that’s not all love does to us.
Love also increases nitric oxide, (no, not laughing gas –that’s nitrous oxide –
confusing I know!) Nitric oxide reduces blood pressure, improves blood
circulation, and decreases clotting as it relaxes your arteries. In the brain, love
activates areas associated with motivation, focused attention, making positive
choices and taking care of yourself.</span> </span></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<strong><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love also <i>deactivates </i>pathways in the brain responsible for negative emotions such as fear and social judgment. Aside from being an explanation for why we say 'love is blind', it also explains the many reported acts of heroism and kindness by ordinary people in recent terror attacks and disasters here in the UK. </span></span></strong></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">There are
many different types of love (seven according to the ancient Greeks) but they
all release chemicals and activate specific parts of the brain that propel us
to connect, to care, and to take caring action. Of the different types of love
studied over the centuries, the love of humanity, selfless love or what the
Greeks call Agape, is often referred to as the highest form of love and I
imagine that this is the type of love we see expressed in distressing times. It
is the antidote to terror and facilitates clear and values-based thinking. Feeling
such love gives us more clarity of mind and forward-thinking insights than any of
the fear-based rhetoric we are also currently exposed to. Love in its highest
form is not a touchy-feely approach, it actually makes us smarter. This is a biological
fact*.<o:p></o:p></span></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">When I
was seventeen, I read the first of what would become an endless array of books
and papers on the subject of love, ‘The Art of Loving’ by psychologist Erich
Fromm. It inspired a lifelong fascination with the subject in its many forms, a
fascination which is just as strong today as it ever was, not least because of
the one factor that has been present in every single book, study and paper:
that loving is part of the inherent human condition. We are innately programmed
to love in all its forms, whether physiologically, neurologically, or otherwise
by some means we have yet to discover. Fromm famously claimed that love is not
something that just happens to us, it is a decision we make.<o:p></o:p></span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">So, in this time of hate and self-interest
all around us, to feel love and compassion for the victims of horrendous acts
of terror and violence is a no-brainer and for most people comes quite naturally,
but how, you may ask, can we ‘make the decision’ to sustain those feelings of
love in the process of seeking solutions, when it feels so much more natural to
slip into anger, even fury? I admit, it does take a conscious intention, and a
decision to refrain from what feels like the ‘natural’ path. Ironically,
acknowledging the anger and other emotions you might be feeling is the first
step, regardless of whether you choose to channel those emotions into a more
positive force. However, acknowledging doesn’t mean getting stuck in the
emotion. It is equally important to ask yourself whether the emotion is working
for you; i.e. is it depleting your health or enhancing it; fogging your brain
or helping you think clearly and creatively; is it helping you achieve the outcome
you want?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Making that observation and then
making the decision to change to a more productive, constructive emotion (and
yes, you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can </i>change what you feel), to
channel the emotion into a positive force, that decision is the first and most
important step you can make. The choice and intention to act from state of
centred love, must surely be the only way forward. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">A famous quote by Jimi Hendrix
might be an appropriate conclusion: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black;">Only when the power of love overcomes the love of power
will the world know peace.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0.1pt 0cm; text-align: left;">
<strong><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*For
references and information on research please email us at </span><a href="mailto:office@AppliedEmotionalMastery.com">jennifer@AppliedEmotionalMastery.com</a><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></strong></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-41168687885529803322017-02-01T13:47:00.000-05:002017-02-24T11:46:46.863-05:00THE SHE CODE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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"<i>Something is rotten in the State of Denmark'" </i>so says Shakespeare's fictional character Marcellus in 'Hamlet', and for some reason this sentence keeps popping into my head. It seems eerily relevant to the current state of (almost) our entire world. The way most people feel on a regular basis - whether while on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or otherwise taking in the latest news bulletin - is unsafe, untrusting, and uneasy. It has gone beyond the remit of this blog, beyond issues of emotional
intelligence and mastery (or lack thereof). However, we at Applied Emotional
Mastery™ feel compelled to address it anyway, because it IS about emotions and
the inescapable ramifications emotionally, of governance, of all leadership.
But it is also beyond any one person or ideology. It is the result of a <i>system </i>of leadership, a code of
governance that has created a world where hyper-individualism trumps any form
of collectivism (no pun intended!), where outward-focused consumerism has
become a value, where social isolation and alienation has taken the place of
trust and community. This world we have created today is the result of a failed
and imbalanced leadership approach, a governing system that, although it plays
out in many different political forms around the world, is essentially one
system; a system that has been in place for thousands of years, (so you can’t
say it hasn’t been given a fair chance!) In fact for more than five thousand
years we have prioritized and lauded a masculine paradigm of leadership, by
means of patriarchy and other assorted devices of domination. This system has
valued - and still values - ‘power over’ versus ‘power with’, physical strength
over emotional resilience, thoughts over feelings, logic over intuition,
materialism over relationships, measurable achievement over all-inclusive
fulfilment, individual success over collective development. </div>
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Enough already! It is time to change, time to accept we need
a different leadership approach. I mean <i>really
</i>different – NOT just another patriarchy with a different spin. We need to
step outside the limited box of
possibilities created by patriarchal thinking and open up to a wider view, one
that gives equal value to both male and female qualities.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Y6JLCLJEOOU/WJIqT5oZsdI/AAAAAAAABXs/wt8mT-7OMagCybLNho8BLuD8LFASrJMeACEw/s1600/Woman%2Bout%2Bof%2Bbox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Y6JLCLJEOOU/WJIqT5oZsdI/AAAAAAAABXs/wt8mT-7OMagCybLNho8BLuD8LFASrJMeACEw/s320/Woman%2Bout%2Bof%2Bbox.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<o:p></o:p><br /></div>
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To us working in the field of human emotion and development,
the obvious first step is to create more balance in our approach to leadership.
This does not mean more women in leadership positions or looking at all the
other popular feminist actions steps (valuable though these all are), but to
look at the inherent <i>value </i>we place
on the feminine and the perceived feminine qualities. It does mean to reclaim
and restore the formerly undervalued and suppressed leadership qualities; the
power of emotional understanding, empathic thinking, affirmative connection,
collaborative communication, and appreciation of cycles – all of which are rooted
in an increased value of feminine wisdom, and of which we are all capable, men
as well as women. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Historically, these so called ‘feminine’ attributes have
been undervalued and perceived as less important than their ‘masculine’ counterparts,
especially in leadership, which we believe is at the core of solving our global
challenges. For these qualities are those that build human resilience, create
mutual care, nourishment and support, and provide collective strength and
buoyancy in the face of any and all adversity. They are traits we need to not
only recognize as vital, but consciously cultivate as equally important as the
qualities that give us assertiveness, ambition, competitiveness and absolutism
that we currently give precedence to.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Having worked for more than a year now exploring and identifying
these feminine qualities and principles, we have coined them collectively as
the She Code (<i>a ‘code’ being defined as a
system of principles that represent or determine a specific behaviour or
approach</i>.) <span style="font-family: "arial"; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Currently we are working on offering an ontology for a practical
way of leading and being in the world that fully values our yin, archetypically
feminine qualities in all of us – men and women – equally with our more
masculine qualities, our yang. We want to unearth what has been dormant and
undervalued, to illuminate how we are innately designed to have more coherence
and balance in our lives, more emotional literacy, more empathic thinking, more
listening and collaboration, and more acceptance of difference, -both individually
and collectively-. None of this is either ‘political’ or divisive but rather,
giving equal value to <i>all </i>of our
innate positive qualities will show how we <i>can
</i>live with greater harmony and humanity. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qwpXKwKxEbM/WJIrUaMEarI/AAAAAAAABXw/Cymbhh2QlosZfD4ucB3-5mgz0z4hpBQ-wCEw/s1600/Equal%2Bbalance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qwpXKwKxEbM/WJIrUaMEarI/AAAAAAAABXw/Cymbhh2QlosZfD4ucB3-5mgz0z4hpBQ-wCEw/s200/Equal%2Bbalance.jpg" width="200" /></a> It’s a big ask, and we don’t begin to pretend to have all
the answers, but we can possibly contribute to the conversation with more
practical applications than are currently on offer, and through the lens of
emotional management that is far too infrequently addressed, (or even admitted,
far less considered!)</div>
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So watch this space as we explore the SHE CODE, and how, if we
can employ ALL our inherent capacities, masculine and feminine, with <b>equal value</b> it will be for the benefit
of all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And if you feel aligned with this
and have a comment, question, or would like to contribute to the conversation,
please get in touch!</div>
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Jennifer Day and Melissa Rivera <a href="http://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com/contact">http://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com/contact</a></div>
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<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-61532835132637378822016-11-24T15:29:00.000-05:002017-01-30T12:23:50.900-05:00CHANGE!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;">Change is in the
air, (or so I hear!:-)) It’s becoming quite a familiar cry and more than a few
people report feeling unsettled – whether by the change itself, or by the
perpetual revolutionary promises swirling around them with no evidence of any
positive outcomes likely to be felt any time soon! But change is clearly
wanted, and needed, on a scale that most of us feel we have no control over. As
we approach a new year, we may take some comfort in our desire to make some
personal adjustments for the better, since personal changes are ones that we do
have control over (right?). This is the time of year is when our good
intentions propel us to consider -and even make- one of those resolutions that
will give us the results we want, (although strangely, they seem to need
repeating year in year out ……….)</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;">Change is hardly
ever easy – whether we’re trying to make it ourselves or it is imposed upon us.
Charles Darwin once famously said; “<i>It is not the strongest of the species
that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.</i>”</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;">Many studies have
shown that the ease with which we can adapt to change indicates our level of
emotional intelligence, and I must admit I have seen evidence of this both in
my own life and in the lives of many of the clients I am privileged to coach.
The findings are quite clear: in every area of life, the more insight one has
into human nature, –- in other words, the more self-awareness and people skills
one has –- the more likely one is to be successful at implementing and handling
any change. Simple but not always easy.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One approach to
change I have found to be helpful was developed by psychologist Paul
Watzlawick, author of CHANGE (1974). He found that there are two significant
types of change, which he referred to as First Order Change and Second Order
change. In short, when the change occurs within a system that itself remains
unchanged, he called it First Order Change. On the other hand Second Order
Change is when the incidence itself changes the system. An example might be a
nightmare in which you’re being chased: if you find yourself running away from
something scary in the dream, regardless of how many times you change direction
you continue to be chased – there is no real change. This is First Order Change.
With Second Order Change, your awareness of the fact that you’re having a
nightmare would lead you to wake yourself up, thereby ending the bad dream – in
other words ‘the system’ itself changes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;">Similarly, in our
wakened state when we keep trying to make changes from a purely behavioural,
action-based approach, we are not necessarily changing anything permanently.
However, when we take charge of and manage our emotional state, change the way we feel, our perspective
also often changes, which can in turn alter the entire meaning we give to the
situation – and when that happens, any change we make as a result, is likely to
be more manageable and sustainable.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">How this
can help the world at large is a question way beyond my political know-how –
but as it applies to each one of us personally, it can, I believe, make a
considerable difference to how we handle changes we need to make, or whatever
change is thrust upon us! And in the words of Viktor Frankl;<i>“When we are not
able to change a situation, we are challenged</i> <i>to change ourselves.” </i>One way we may be able to do that is through managing our emotions so we respond according to our values and what we <i>can</i> do to move forward positively.</span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-52248129865149378272016-07-17T09:53:00.000-04:002016-07-17T09:53:07.179-04:00THE EXPECTATION GAP<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kq4W-gD2xPA/V4uLAg34cyI/AAAAAAAABNM/BcEqmRVZjoY32ZN_oXjflxQXWUBXVECVACLcB/s1600/EXPECTATIONS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kq4W-gD2xPA/V4uLAg34cyI/AAAAAAAABNM/BcEqmRVZjoY32ZN_oXjflxQXWUBXVECVACLcB/s200/EXPECTATIONS.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Do you ever feel that what
you’re chasing, what you desire, is just out of reach? When you think of your desire
for your future, and your intentions for yourself, whatever you are working
towards, do you ever ask yourself whether you fully </span><i style="font-family: Arial;">expect</i><span style="font-family: Arial;"> it to be fulfilled; do you really believe it can happen? Do
you believe you are actually ‘good enough’ or that you deserve it - or maybe not quite?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Try to imagine having
achieved your desired state. Is it easy? Does it feel natural and right? Or is
it difficult? Your deeply held beliefs or the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">emotional expectations</i> you have may not be the same as your desires
and intentions. If there is a gap between your desired goal or intention and
your expectation of actually achieving it, this will influence your actions
both consciously and subconsciously, because the choices you make and the steps
you take will always be driven by your emotions and emotional expectations. The
greater the gap, the more your actions will interfere with you achieving your
desired intention. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Author and teacher Deepak Chopra says; <i>‘Within every desire and intention are the mechanics for its
fulfilmen</i>t’. I have seen countless indications of this being true, but I have also
learned that it requires the alignment of emotional expectations with the desired
intention, and the first step is being able to feel the feeling of the
desired intention – fulfilled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">It may seem counterintuitive, but if you can actually generate that
feeling, in your body, as if your wish was <i>already fulfilled</i>, you will find
that expectation gap gradually decreasing. The more you generate this new 'fulfilled' feeling, eventually
integrating it so that it is with you throughout your day, the smaller the gap
will become. In essence you are moving from feeling and thinking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">about</i> the desired result to feeling and
thinking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">from </i>it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">To explore this idea (and how
to use the power of managing emotions) further, or for more information,
<a href="http://www.appliedemotionalmastery.com/" target="_blank">contact us</a>! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-70847567121695872742016-03-07T14:55:00.000-05:002016-03-09T17:44:57.211-05:00CAN WE CHOREOGRAPH EMOTIONS?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IGERIpUPIvM/Vt3cYZwM_DI/AAAAAAAABIE/ioLn3Afdq2k/s1600/Upset%2Bman%2Bw%253Astockmarket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IGERIpUPIvM/Vt3cYZwM_DI/AAAAAAAABIE/ioLn3Afdq2k/s200/Upset%2Bman%2Bw%253Astockmarket.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
is said that money makes the world go round. I beg to differ. In my observation
emotions make the world go round. Human emotions drive everything – from anger
or fear-driven acts and the worst hatred induced atrocities, to deeds of
unbelievable courage or compassion, and the most divine acts of love. All human
behaviour is driven by emotion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
word EMOTION comes from the Latin <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">e-movere</i>,
meaning to move out or through, as in propelling movement, a force set in
motion. The originators of the word must have been acutely aware of the dynamic,
stirring energy created by human feelings, energy moving through body and
brain, constantly shifting, shaping our thoughts, our actions, and our lives.
Much like dance moves and dancers shape a ballet or dance piece, although that
might seem a lot more orderly and graceful than our emotion-driven behaviour.
Or is that necessarily so?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5AVH4DQa1Ho/Vt3YpbRA02I/AAAAAAAABHw/o7FrQImervE/s1600/2%2BDancers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5AVH4DQa1Ho/Vt3YpbRA02I/AAAAAAAABHw/o7FrQImervE/s320/2%2BDancers.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
dance piece or ballet can look organized and seemingly effortless because it is
choreographed. But can we really choreograph emotions? Can we choose what we
feel and manage our emotions so we are in control of how they move through us,
and how they come across to others?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Some
may argue that this is impossible because emotions are often triggered without
our conscious knowledge. However, my experience has been that it is not only
possible, but hugely beneficial (and there are plenty of studies supporting
this.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
how do we choose our emotions? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We begin by noticing – paying close attention to
what we are feeling and where in our body that feeling registers. The more we take
our attention out of our busy minds and connect with our bodies, the more we
are likely to notice physical <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eT_LwWtufh0" target="_blank">tension from emotions,</a> tensions registered there
because our emotions live in our bodies. Such increased awareness gives us
early warning signs of unhelpful emotions, which in turn allows for much easier
self-management – we can assess whether the indications of a potentially strong
emotion are appropriate to the situation, and if not, whether we need to take
steps to change how we feel and adopt another perspective. For example, we may
feel irritated by several small events in the morning, but with our renewed
awareness of the resulting say neck tension, we can take some deep breaths or
otherwise release that tension and regain a more balanced perspective, rather
than blowing our top in the evening having allowed it to build throughout the
day until it has become full blown fury.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
is the beginning of what I refer to as emotion choreography. And like a
full-length ballet or dance performance, there are numerous steps that
contribute to the mastery of emotional management – and all are extraordinarily
satisfying to master, including and especially the interactive ones, for as a
species, we are also driven to connect with each other, at a very basic level.
We actually have a specific brain circuitry that directs our response to one
another’s bodies in motion! Imagine for a moment watching a trapeze artist
flying through the air; don’t we all feel the soaring sensation as well as the
excitement? When we see a physical fight, don’t we wince at the blows? When we
feel someone’s emotional pain, it’s not merely the expression on their face we
mirror, but their bodily posture, and the emotional tension they emit. This
empathic capacity is something most of us could, if we are honest, manage better. We can actually learn to
‘choreograph’ our emotional responses so we allow less of our own judgment and
opinions to interfere with our empathy, with our ability to truly step into
someone else’s shoes, making us better able to offer the support that’s
actually needed (rather than being driven by our own agenda). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-In8Z_Jr--gc/Vt3W0ZdFaLI/AAAAAAAABH0/Cup4QWc2bzw/s1600/Dance%2Bsilhouette%2B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-In8Z_Jr--gc/Vt3W0ZdFaLI/AAAAAAAABH0/Cup4QWc2bzw/s200/Dance%2Bsilhouette%2B.jpg" width="198" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
most powerful of all the steps of the choreography of emotions is the feel-good
factor; when we enhance and strengthen our ‘emotional capital’ by fully
embracing our positive feelings; the exuberance of sudden inspiration or the peace of
a quiet walk, the pleasure we feel when we watch a dancer or athlete move gracefully
or our wonder at seeing beauty in nature, the delight of witnessing a child’s
first steps, or the feeling of happiness in a loving interaction. If we give
ourselves permission to fully relish those pleasurable feelings, savouring them
for that little bit longer, enjoying them with our entire body, we strengthen
the ‘muscles’ that ultimately give us more of a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">choice </i>about what we feel, taking crucial steps towards being in
charge of our emotional dance, to create ‘choreography’ we will, most likely, review favourably. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-34381790395869854622015-11-09T18:16:00.000-05:002015-11-09T18:16:34.064-05:00BECOMING IS BETTER THAN BEING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">A
popular saying in the 60’s, ‘Becoming is better than being’ expressed the idea that
growth was more desirable than a permanent state. It is a notion whose time has
come again – this time around not so much as an ideology but as a result of
research - research that I for one, am thrilled to read.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">As a young (and very average) student ballet dancer ‘back
in the day’, I was fleetingly encouraged by a claim that to be successful
required only two percent talent and ninety-eight percent hard work. Unfortunately,
my hard work seemed to go unnoticed and I felt increasingly discouraged and timid,
gradually withdrawing from situations where my lack of self-confidence might be
reinforced. The success I sought eluded me until I finally applied the hard
work to the areas in which I was perceived to have ‘talent’. Two different
careers later I discovered that I had been raised with a not-so-helpful ‘fixed’
mindset; when talent and abilities are praised and rewarded, and mistakes and efforts
that fall short are indicators of lack of ability and to be discouraged or
avoided. Conversely, a ‘growth’ mindset -viewing faults and failure as
opportunities for growth- is a mindset that, I discovered, not only gradually
reveals untapped abilities but opens doors of previously unimagined
possibilities. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The terms ‘growth mindset and ‘fixed mindset’ were
coined by one of the leading researchers in the field, Professor Carol Dweck at
Stanford University, who is also often credited with popularising the ‘Becoming
is better than being’ quote. Her research has attracted increasing attention
among educators and mental health professionals because her findings show that,
rather than focusing on intelligence and innate achievement, it is far more
important to reward effort, creative strategies, and perseverance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">This growth mindset is all about ‘becoming’. It views
the process; the effort; the ‘journey’; the growth itself as having more value
than ‘being’ in the accomplished state. Although we are all inclined to praise
intelligence and ability in both ourselves and in our children, research shows
that this actually creates a ‘fixed mindset’ resulting in fragile people
without the resilience needed to effectively tackle adversity or to persevere
in the face of difficulty. With such a mindset, when we feel rejected or
disappointed, we immediately think ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m
not likeable. I’m not approved of – I’m not a good enough person’, </i>feeling
guilt or shame for having done something negative or failed to achieved a goal.
However, with a growth mindset we think ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
am not happy with what I did. It’s inconsistent with my values. How can I better
understand it? What can I learn from it? How can I make up for it and improve
in the future?</i>’ </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Dweck is often asked to compare her findings with the
ever-popular Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and her response is
particularly interesting. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">CBT often says
“Don’t think you’re not a smart person because you didn’t get an A. Look at all
the other A’s you got – you’re a smart person.” But in the mindset framework,
we’re saying “Get out of the smart-person framework entirely, Stop thinking
about that the good or bad measures you but rather think of yourself as a work
in progress.” CBT asks you to find evidence to challenge the argument, and
we’re saying it’s the wrong argument</i>.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I find this particularly interesting because it
validates and supports our work with Applied Emotional Mastery – where we focus
on the feeling state and using the management of emotions to help better
understand, learn from, and continuously improve – whether it’s in
relationships, parenting, managing others or opening our own mind up to more
possibilities; in other words to develop a growth mindset. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">So, as we approach a new year again, why not start
treating your mistakes, and your children’s mistakes, as exciting, interesting,
perfect opportunities for learning and growth, and for building resilience. Had
that been my mindset as a young dancer, who knows, age aside I might still be
prancing around ‘en pointe’! </span></div>
</div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-77270404976499276082015-08-17T15:19:00.000-04:002015-08-17T15:19:21.158-04:00DOS AND DON'TS FOR LIVING MINDFULLY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">What does it actually take to operate from a mindful, considered, 'grown-up' place, on a day-to-day basis? </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">With the increasingly
popular mindfulness practices, meditation apps, and 'being in the present moment' concepts, all written and talked about wherever we turn, shouldn't we be getting good at it by now? – It all sounds really good, and simple, but sometimes it’s easier to put into words than to put
into practice! </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Especially when we're presented
with life’s assorted messes, when the proverbial .... hits the fan and when our buttons are pushed by other people –
again and again! It’s not easy, that’s for sure! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">But as with anything that’s difficult
or 'easier said than done', a few brief guidelines or tips to hang on the fridge can be more practically helpful than the most convincing, eloquently written book or even app. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Short, simple, practical tips can
go a long way towards helping us be the mindful, considered person we’d like to
be, -in the office, in traffic, at the breakfast table- no matter what others get up to!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Here’s a few such tips
I have found to be helpful:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">BE<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></u></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Be in ownership of your emotions.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> For example, when you feel disturbed or annoyed,
label your own feelings rather than people (i.e. ‘I feel frustrated right now.’
rather than ‘You’re so lazy!’)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Be mindful of your own physical needs</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">: Have you slept enough? Are you dehydrated? Hungry?
Exhausted? If so, take care of your needs. Once the physical needs have been
met, you’ll be better able to manage your emotions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Be in acknowledgment</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">
when your negative emotions aren’t serving you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Take a Time-Out</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">so you can</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Take a ‘Time-in’.</b> (A ten-minutes break from a situation, for a few slow
breaths and calm self-reflection, can help you self-regulate to problem-solve or
at the very least de-escalate the situation.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">DO</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Do look for learning</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">
and growth in your negative emotions. In the words of my grandmother: ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nothing is so bad that it’s not good for
something.”</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Do respectfully</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">validate other people’s feelings</b>,
regardless of what you think of them AND regardless of their age. Nobody's feelings are wrong. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Do place your own agenda aside for just 30 seconds</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> in order to step into someone else’s
shoes. What must it feel like to be them right now? </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">DON’T</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Do not</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">play the blame game</b> or ‘send someone on
a guilt-trip!’ It never ends well!</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Avoid judging or criticizing</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> others. Whenever you can, acknowledge everyone’s unique
path and emotional reality – nobody’s reality is the same.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Do
not try to control or change others</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">. (It ain’t possible! Honestly!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Last but not least, make sure you're having some laughter and play in your life! (Have you noticed how often the Dalai Lama is caught on camera laughing?) </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-71662195371385258492015-06-05T16:40:00.000-04:002015-06-05T16:40:47.167-04:00MIND THE UNDERCURRENT<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0tImhd6T4Dk/VXIFVW0oIPI/AAAAAAAAA48/X0RcYLBsInY/s1600/Screen%2Bshot%2B2015-06-05%2Bat%2B21.21.41.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0tImhd6T4Dk/VXIFVW0oIPI/AAAAAAAAA48/X0RcYLBsInY/s200/Screen%2Bshot%2B2015-06-05%2Bat%2B21.21.41.png" width="125" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I was once invited to give a
workshop to a team of educational psychologists. One of them was not happy to
be there; ‘I don’t need this,’ she grumbled, ‘I leave my emotions at home!’ I
hope by the end of the training she’d had a change of heart. You can’t leave
your emotions at home any more than you can leave your head, (much as we all
might sometimes wish to!) Of course we would all like to think we can control
our emotions, put them on hold, suppress them or even avoid them altogether. But
no matter how good we get at this, if our words and actions are not congruent
with how we actually feel, we are inauthentic and we risk being perceived as such.
Even if you’ve practiced your body language and facial expressions down to a T,
even if you have blocked your emotion from your own awareness, you will emanate
what you are really feeling – and it’s going to be picked up. This is evidenced
by research, both on the heart’s electromagnetic field (see HeartMath.org -
Research) and on the brain’s mirror-neuron system using fMRI and other analysis
(Siegel 2010), as well as in a plethora of other research studies – not that we
need research to know it; I imagine many of you reading this have had personal
experiences with this phenomena. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Human beings are like an
iceberg that is 90% submerged under water, with only 10% being visible. If a
storm comes through from east to west you might be forgiven for believing that
the iceberg will move west with the storm. However, if there is an undercurrent
going in another direction, the iceberg will move with the current, because the
current controls 90% of it. The same is true of us humans. The only difference
being that we like to think we can control everything with our 10% and discount
the power of our undercurrent – our emotions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
Knowing and being with our true emotions, daring to fully look ‘underneath’ so
we can discover what our emotions are telling us, is the work of emotional
mastery. It is also, ultimately, to develop the self-regulatory skills that,
when we choose to use them, generate a feeling that is aligned with our actions
(rather than feigning an emotion or control). We all have the ability to do
just that – even in these times of distraction, over-stimulation, anxiety and
chaos. Your ability to both understand your emotions and to manage them so you
can generate a coherent, centred state when you need to, -to manage that undercurrent-
is also a part of human nature and when you use that ability, it will
positively affect <b><i>everyone</i></b> around you; “your field effect” can give
you more authenticity and believability than anything else you do. In all my
years of working on myself, and with parents, executives, teachers, management teams,
and all those who are not in charge of anyone but themselves, I have found this
to be a universal truth. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Suggestion: </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Post something by your front door to remind yourself of the impact you
have – with your words as well as your 'field effect'- as you walk out into the
world. Take a deep breath with a long exhale - and smile :-) Throughout your day, check yourself and your feelings in your body: ask yourself Am I congruent? </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span><br />
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{page:Section1;} </style><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I used to post a quote by General Lee by my front door; “<i>If you do not enjoy what you’re doing, you will be
found out</i>.” </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Happy summer everyone! </span>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>
</span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-7550164978384778712015-02-02T14:56:00.000-05:002015-02-02T14:58:02.567-05:00MINDFULNESS or HEARTFULNESS?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SxXbC7N-bok/VM_TzHXiEII/AAAAAAAAAzI/eQxhFunUjgI/s1600/Stones%2BHeart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SxXbC7N-bok/VM_TzHXiEII/AAAAAAAAAzI/eQxhFunUjgI/s1600/Stones%2BHeart.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In Asian languages, the word for mind is usually the
same as the word for heart. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></i>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In this time when mindfulness
has become a trend so popular it’s just about gone viral, it could be worth
considering whether such a linguistic fact may be relevant to the true practice of
mindfulness; is it just about simply quieting the mind and being fully present in the
moment (as many describe it), or should it also somehow involve the
heart? And if the answer is ‘yes’ (as the more serious practitioners have it), what does that look like?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mindfulness has been around
for thousands of years – as a part of the Buddhist religion but also in other
forms, and framed in many ways. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, (the originator of
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction MBSR, and responsible for bringing
mindfulness to both medical and mainstream popularity) “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you’re not hearing the word heartfulness when you’re hearing the
word mindfulness, you’re really not understanding what it’s all about. …….
Mindfulness is pointing at something beyond words, underneath words, underneath
thinking.”</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> underneath words and thinking? What is heartfulness? Some would
say it’s the wisdom of the heart, and others would say it is feelings such as
love, compassion, and kindness. I would say it’s all of the above and more, for
it involves the balanced management of emotions. The heart reflects the
emotions we feel, revealed in the patterns created by the heart’s rhythms. When
our emotions are brought into our awareness and we learn to manage them so they
serve us, our relationships, our life-path and our values, then our heart
rhythms will be harmonious - and coherent with a fully present mind. On the
other hand, if those emotions are disturbing or unpleasant and unmanaged, so
too are the rhythms of the heart. At this point our conscious mind will take a
hike up into the busy-ness of our ‘monkey brain’, and mindfulness will no
longer happen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mind and heart must combine
to create the deeper present moment awareness –the mindfulness- that gives us the
ability to accept and take pleasure in each moment of work and play, to fully listen
to those we dialog with, to deeply appreciate each interaction with loved ones,
to savour each morsel we eat and drink, to relish tastes and smells and sights
and sounds, delight in musical notes as they reach our ears and in views as we glance
upon them, and to surrender to the experience of life, in all it’s glory and
messiness. In short, mindfulness need not be a passing fad, or a short-term, fast-acting
replacement for pain-killers or anti-depressants, or even the latest way
to deal with the stresses and strains of modern or corporate life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mindfulness in it’s true
form <i><b>is </b></i>heartfulness – (it is in the work we do with Applied Emotional Mastery
as well as in the work of many of our contemporaries and peers); - it's message is <i><span style="font-family: Arial;">to
maximize good and minimize harm, both to oneself and others</span></i>. It is
a daily decision, a way of life, a discipline (in the best sense of the word),
that increases awareness and acceptance, insights and wisdom, and that helps us
BE fully in-the-moment and (to paraphrase Viktor Frankl) conscious of that
space between stimulus and response – where we can pause to make more informed
choices - where we can choose to move in the direction of maximizing good.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">So even if commercialism takes over and the popularity of mindfulness eventually wanes, the message it has brought and spread, and the heartfulness within it, will surely only have contributed positively to our planet. And (quite fitting for this 'month of the heart') I figure that's good news, however you look at it. </span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-26596979751982341882014-10-16T11:05:00.001-04:002014-10-16T11:05:27.169-04:00CAPTURING LIFE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US">I recently read somewhere “If you want to
be happy, drop out of your head and into your life.” It made me think of how
most of us spend too much time in our heads, pondering the past, worrying about
the future and forgetting to live fully in our current experiences - and
appreciate them all, even the unpleasant moments – for how will we grow from
them if we don’t know them? </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-okYgMkBHVKc/VD_biZtn1mI/AAAAAAAAAvs/o5TwYb3kqi4/s1600/Screen%2Bshot%2B2014-10-15%2Bat%2B19.08.52.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-okYgMkBHVKc/VD_biZtn1mI/AAAAAAAAAvs/o5TwYb3kqi4/s1600/Screen%2Bshot%2B2014-10-15%2Bat%2B19.08.52.png" height="166" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN-US">One way to ‘drop into life’ is to write it – write what you’re
feeling, thinking, experiencing. There’s
nothing like it for capturing those everyday life moments. And now there’s even
scientific evidence for the powerful effects writing can have on us!</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">One study found that writing about emotions
and stress decreased the chances of becoming ill or damaged by traumatic
events. Participants who wrote about their feelings spent less time in hospital
and enjoyed lower blood pressure than their counterparts. In another study,
writing about emotions and thoughts showed participants had significantly
increased optimism, and improved health and general well being.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">If you want to journal but can’t think what
to write, try this: Get a small, pocket-sized journal that you can carry around
with you. Throughout your day, whenever you have a moment jot down you
emotions, whatever you’re feeling at that time. Then notice how your body
feels, noting where you might be feeling any tension or tightness. You may find
food for thought and even for writing more extensively about later in the day.<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Another ‘short-and-sweet’ way to
journal is to<b> </b></span>write down 3 things you can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>appreciation for, right now. Follow that with slowing your
breathing and being fully present in your body, for the next ten minutes, feeling that appreciation!<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">You might also try free-form journal writing - just letting the pen in your hand write whatever comes to you. Regardless of how you approach it, don’t let the simplicity of journaling deceive
you into underestimating its significance. Regular journaling –especially
writing about feelings – can make a profound difference to your life –
emotionally and otherwise. To quote author Madeleine L’Engle<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“It was while writing a diary that I
discovered how to capture the living moments.”</i> </span></div>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-31631670091332223952014-08-28T09:39:00.000-04:002014-08-28T09:39:15.743-04:00The Hedgehog and the Human<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RFPfWXMTKzE/U_8wAMKq9WI/AAAAAAAAAuo/Bq2u9orOVrI/s1600/Hedgehog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RFPfWXMTKzE/U_8wAMKq9WI/AAAAAAAAAuo/Bq2u9orOVrI/s1600/Hedgehog.jpg" height="132" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Have you heard of the
hedgehogs’ dilemma? The philosopher Schopenhauer wrote a parable about it more
than a century ago. It went something like this: <i>In the wintertime when the
cold became almost unbearable, the hedgehogs tried to get close to each other,
seeking to huddle together and share each others’ body heat. Unfortunately, as
soon as they did, their spines pricked each other, which of course hurt and
they recoiled. The cold however, drove them towards one other again but the
same thing happened time and time again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually the hedgehogs learned that they were best off
maintaining a little distance from each other – in their own space. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Freud quoted this parable in
his explorations of human relationships, posing a number of questions including
how much intimacy can we as humans actually endure? It’s a good question and
one I think many of us grapple with at some time - I know I certainly have!
It’s especially interesting –almost paradoxical– in light of the recent findings
by neuro scientists that our brains are hard-wired to connect. In fact, the
same circuitry that processes pain when we are not connecting (experiencing
social rejection for example) is layered right on top of the circuits involved
in physical pain. This isn’t surprising when we think of a baby’s need to connect
with a parent or caregiver on whom the infant is completely dependent for food,
water, shelter and safety. No connection, no survival!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">But as we grow and become
more able to take care of ourselves, we also experience rejection and loss,
social pain as well as social pleasure – somewhat like the hedgehog. Curiously
the brain’s circuitry that we use to navigate this, our social life and all
relationships, is very different from the circuitry we use for problem solving
and logical, coherent thinking. In fact, when one circuit is ‘switched on’ the
other is in effect switched off. The more we function from a rational, practical
or ‘sensible’ place, the less we are using our social antennae. The more we,
for example, focus on solving a problem from a logical reasoning perspective,
the more likely we are to distance ourselves from the other person or people
around us (even those who could help us solve the problem!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Conversely, the more we focus on relating
to and communicating with others, the more we learn to understand how others
might be feeling. Interestingly, we may also feel we are neglecting the
‘problems’ and even ‘wasting’ our time. A human dilemma, although maybe not as
dramatic or black-and-white as the hedgehog’s </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:-)</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;">
Good to be aware of, so we can better know ‘where we are coming from’ (and self-regulate
if we decide it’s not appropriate!) Knowledge is power!</span></div>
</div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-10715909264387250692014-04-21T11:13:00.000-04:002014-04-21T11:13:36.420-04:00Savour the Smile!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TRBBwR6SU3o/U1UuQ22axvI/AAAAAAAAApI/fX8U2dzNo1Q/s1600/Stress+Meter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TRBBwR6SU3o/U1UuQ22axvI/AAAAAAAAApI/fX8U2dzNo1Q/s1600/Stress+Meter.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
Have you noticed how much more time and attention we give negative experiences than positive ones? How long we spend thinking and talking about troubles and stress, compared to how much time we give the good stuff? You may not be surprised to learn that, as humans, we have a bias towards negativity – generally. Our brain is actually wired that way. It is likely that this negativity bias relates to our ability for survival: if you feel threatened, for example by a speeding bus hurtling towards you or a vicious looking animal growling at you, the last thing you’d want to do is take your focus away from it! Whereas, if you’re enjoying a beautiful sunset or a striking flower, your attention will be much more easily distracted. All rather logical really, except we default to this negativity bias much more than we need to! AND we would be better served to give at least equal attention to those feel-good moments. Why? Well, recently neuro-science (research into the workings of the brain) has shown that our ability to access and <b>sustain</b> good feelings builds the pathways in the brain that we need for resilience - to bounce back from any difficulties or hardships; it is our ability to access and sustain the good feelings (the longer the better) that helps us stay self-managed and behave in the ways we want to, ways that are in accordance with our values; it is this ability for <b>deepening and savouring</b> the good feelings that helps us access and draw on our most wise and insightful capacity.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wyulLbzWwEY/U1UsJNIIQVI/AAAAAAAAAo8/qSx9BAMPEaI/s1600/Idea+Smile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wyulLbzWwEY/U1UsJNIIQVI/AAAAAAAAAo8/qSx9BAMPEaI/s1600/Idea+Smile.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />SO I invite you to embrace your own ability to generate good feelings, and to give some attention to consciously holding onto them as long as possible today - and tomorrow!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Relish that feeling of appreciation you have for your loved ones,</li>
<li>Savour the blue sky on your way to work, </li>
<li>Delight in your tasty dinner, while you eat and long after, </li>
<li>Remind yourself to delight in all the good things in your life each time you catch your own reflection. </li>
<li>Smile. Hold it! It’s good for your brain!</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Images courtesy of Stuart Miles and Jesadaphorn/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net"</span> </div>
Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403848057645821109.post-47760940983310076992014-03-16T15:12:00.001-04:002014-03-16T15:14:08.047-04:00EXPECTATIONS ANYONE?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: #d9ead3;"></span>Have you ever had a friend misinterpret something someone quoted you as saying or respond to a miscommunication, by snubbing you? Instead of speaking to you about it, such a person will stop speaking to you altogether, using their silence as a weapon or perceived punishment for - - - you know not what! Rightly referred to as ‘passive aggression’, this is an experience most people I know have had to struggle with at some time in their lives. For me, the temptation to feel disappointed will be strong, even though I know it is only the result of unmet expectations – and my <i>unrealistic</i> expectations at that! If I am really honest with myself, I probably know the person well enough to know that this is their modus operandi – and not something I can control. If I let my frustration (with myself) and disappointment linger, it will only lead to resentment, which certainly won’t serve me at all! Letting it go is my best option, and finding the gift (yes, the gift! For instance: what can I appreciate about the new ‘non-relationship’? Or how can I shift into compassion for this person?) is for me, the easiest way to let go. A lifesaver, you might say! <br />
I learned this lesson well, from a teacher in Hawaii many moons ago, who told me he was never disappointed. “Never disappointed?”! I asked incredulously. “Never disappointed because I never have any expectations,” he said. <br />
Very difficult to do – but something to strive for nonetheless! As several of my clients seem to have this issue theses days, and I myself have had it too, I feel inspired to share some more Hawaiian wisdom - the complete seven principles of Huna (the Hawaiian life philosophies), that have meant a great deal to me since I learned them from the same wise teacher.<br />
May they inspire you too!<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mCsZMhkIjAY/UyXw6oC1GII/AAAAAAAAAng/gYM_sUjGlLg/s1600/Star_reacher_man_green.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mCsZMhkIjAY/UyXw6oC1GII/AAAAAAAAAng/gYM_sUjGlLg/s1600/Star_reacher_man_green.jpg" height="200" width="108" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>The world is what you think it is</i></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i> </i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>There are no limits</i></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i> </i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>Energy goes where attention flows</i></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i> </i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>Now is the moment of power</i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>To love is to be happy with </i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>All power comes from within</i></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i> </i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>Effectiveness is the measure of truth</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(With thanks to Serge Kahili King)</span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #274e13;">Like us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/EmotionRevolution" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and check out our <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/EmotionRevolution" target="_blank">YouTube Channel</a> – for more leads to wisdom, inspiration, and recent info about emotions and the brain!</span></span></h4>
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Jennifer Dayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05705673686492166336noreply@blogger.com0