DOS AND DON'TS FOR LIVING MINDFULLY

What does it actually take to operate from a mindful, considered, 'grown-up' place, on a day-to-day basis? With the increasingly popular mindfulness practices, meditation apps, and 'being in the present moment' concepts, all written and talked about wherever we turn, shouldn't we be getting good at it by now? – It all sounds really good, and simple, but sometimes it’s easier to put into words than to put into practice! Especially when we're presented with life’s assorted messes, when the proverbial .... hits the fan and when our buttons are pushed by other people – again and again! It’s not easy, that’s for sure! 

But as with anything that’s difficult or 'easier said than done', a few brief guidelines or tips to hang on the fridge can be more practically helpful than the most convincing, eloquently written book or even app. 

Short, simple, practical tips can go a long way towards helping us be the mindful, considered person we’d like to be, -in the office, in traffic, at the breakfast table- no matter what others get up to!

Here’s a few such tips I have found to be helpful:

BE

Be in ownership of your emotions. For example, when you feel disturbed or annoyed, label your own feelings rather than people (i.e. ‘I feel frustrated right now.’ rather than ‘You’re so lazy!’)

Be mindful of your own physical needs: Have you slept enough? Are you dehydrated? Hungry? Exhausted? If so, take care of your needs. Once the physical needs have been met, you’ll be better able to manage your emotions.

Be in acknowledgment when your negative emotions aren’t serving you.

Take a Time-Out  so you can Take a ‘Time-in’. (A ten-minutes break from a situation, for a few slow breaths and calm self-reflection, can help you self-regulate to problem-solve or at the very least de-escalate the situation.)

DO

Do look for learning and growth in your negative emotions. In the words of my grandmother: ‘Nothing is so bad that it’s not good for something.”

Do respectfully validate other people’s feelings, regardless of what you think of them AND regardless of their age. Nobody's feelings are wrong.

Do place your own agenda aside for just 30 seconds in order to step into someone else’s shoes. What must it feel like to be them right now?

DON’T

Do not play the blame game or ‘send someone on a guilt-trip!’ It never ends well!

Avoid judging or criticizing others. Whenever you can, acknowledge everyone’s unique path and emotional reality – nobody’s reality is the same.

Do not try to control or change others. (It ain’t possible! Honestly!)

Last but not least, make sure you're having some laughter and play in your life! (Have you noticed how often the Dalai Lama is caught on camera laughing?) 

KEEPING RESOLUTIONS?

New Year's Resolutions - a tradition we all seem bound by every year - and one which is usually followed by another, equally widely held tradition - breaking those resolutions. 

It seems nearly 90% of us break our resolutions every year! How can this be? How come it’s so difficult to stick to something we’ve resolved to do? Looking at the research, the only conclusion can be that we let our emotions sabotage us. Well here’s the good news: researchers have also studied ways to keep resolutions, and here a few to keep you going:

1.    Focus on the positive! Most of us get discourage and even depressed when we are unsuccessful and then we focus on that, the negative – and our internal dialogue might sound something like this “See! There you go, you can’t even keep up a simple task!” This will just re-enforce the failure, making success even less likely. Instead, focus on finding the positive. For example, ask yourself what is working (whenever you do achieve a task) and how can you do more of that? You can also ask yourself what you can appreciate about your task at hand, your intention or resolution, and/or the anticipated result.

2.    Make your resolution a habit! Check whether the time of day you have scheduled to adopt your resolution (if this is appropriate), is the best time. Then think of it as adding a habit, like brushing teeth, showering, making coffee, etc.  Once it becomes a part of your routine, it will be easier and easier to keep up.

3.    One step at a time! Go easy on yourself and don’t embrace too much in one go. You will be more likely to succeed if you take it a bit at a time. For example, if your resolution is to eat healthier, start with having a healthier breakfast, then after a few weeks, address lunch, and so on. OR, cut out starch first, then sugar further down the road. You will feel better about the changes and yourself!

4.    Last but not least,; Appreciate yourself! Each time you succeed, no matter how small the change, acknowledge yourself. Look in the mirror and say to yourself; “Well done! You did it again!!!!” SMILE to yourself ….. it truly IS something to smile about!


GOOD LUCK!
And may 2014 be the happiest, healthiest and most prosperous year for you yet!
Jennifer

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