Showing posts with label managing emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label managing emotions. Show all posts

Sunday, September 24, 2017

EMOTIONS OVER INTELLECT?

Emotions over Intellect or intellect over emotions? When I heard this question raised on the radio, I stopped in my tracks. What?! This can’t be right. But the voice on the radio went on, extrapolating his belief that we have become a society with too much focus on emotions. According to him, we talk about them, revel in them, and use them as an excuse for unacceptable behaviour. This may occasionally be true, but it became clear that he viewed emotions as completely separate from intellect – in fact he claimed that a focus on emotions somehow dumbs us down, interferes with our intellectual progress and actually reduces logical thinking. In these last three words, I finally agreed he had a point, but not in the way he meant it!

If the question were ‘either emotion OR intellect’ – it would indicate that if we want to achieve intellectual prowess we need to get rid or reduce our emotions, not give them any attention – which is tantamount to stuffing our feelings in a bag. My first argument against this attitude is that we now have almost a century’s worth of evidence showing how stifling emotions damages both mental and physical health in all manner of ways. Secondly and more to the point, as far as the intellect is concerned our emotional state actually drives our thinking. When our feelings are positive, happy, engaged, enthused, purposeful, inspired, or passionate, our brain is fully ‘switched on’ and works at its highest potential. Emotions only dumb down our intelligent, reasonable thinking when they are negatively stress-producing and unmanaged, when they trigger signals sent between the brain and the body that prime us for defence.

We only have one system to deal with stress, and this system is designed to prepare us for self-defence against physical threat. When it is triggered, our energy needs to be diverted to our body, our heart beating faster so that blood and oxygen can be sent to our muscles and we become stronger and more able to fight or run away from a rabid animal or some other threat. In such cases, we also need our brain to be laser-focused, so any area of the brain that makes us empathic, creative, curious or otherwise ‘intellectually inclined, is of no use and so basically shuts down.  

Unfortunately, these days when our 'threat system' becomes triggered, we are usually experiencing a threat to our assumptions, expectations, pride or ego. So, when we are stuck in traffic and that all-important meeting may be missed or we feel offended or rejected by a text or email, our brain – if unmanaged – goes into its ‘threat response’. The result is that any logical, intelligent thinking is reduced to almost naught and in many cases is obliterated altogether. Anyone who has regretted their own actions or behaviour will likely recognise this experience!

Emotions and intellect are two parts of the same human brain, and both are needed for either to function well. In order for both to flourish, one cannot stifle the other, instead they must collaborate. We need to use the intellect to acknowledge, validate and learn what our emotions are telling us (yes, they all have something to tell us), and learn to manage our emotions so they support the intellect.

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This is all the work of attaining and applying emotional mastery - and although you could say this is all very relevant to the current state of world affairs(!), we can only really take charge of ourselves.


For information about coaching and resources go to www.AppliedEmotionalMastery.com or for tips and guided meditations to help build emotional mastery, go to www.youtube.com/EmotionRevolution

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Monday, August 17, 2015

DOS AND DON'TS FOR LIVING MINDFULLY



What does it actually take to operate from a mindful, considered, 'grown-up' place, on a day-to-day basis? With the increasingly popular mindfulness practices, meditation apps, and 'being in the present moment' concepts, all written and talked about wherever we turn, shouldn't we be getting good at it by now? – It all sounds really good, and simple, but sometimes it’s easier to put into words than to put into practice! Especially when we're presented with life’s assorted messes, when the proverbial .... hits the fan and when our buttons are pushed by other people – again and again! It’s not easy, that’s for sure! 
But as with anything that’s difficult or 'easier said than done', a few brief guidelines or tips to hang on the fridge can be more practically helpful than the most convincing, eloquently written book or even app. 
Short, simple, practical tips can go a long way towards helping us be the mindful, considered person we’d like to be, -in the office, in traffic, at the breakfast table- no matter what others get up to!

Here’s a few such tips I have found to be helpful:

BE

Be in ownership of your emotions. For example, when you feel disturbed or annoyed, label your own feelings rather than people (i.e. ‘I feel frustrated right now.’ rather than ‘You’re so lazy!’)

Be mindful of your own physical needs: Have you slept enough? Are you dehydrated? Hungry? Exhausted? If so, take care of your needs. Once the physical needs have been met, you’ll be better able to manage your emotions.

Be in acknowledgment when your negative emotions aren’t serving you.
Take a Time-Out  so you can Take a ‘Time-in’. (A ten-minutes break from a situation, for a few slow breaths and calm self-reflection, can help you self-regulate to problem-solve or at the very least de-escalate the situation.)

DO

Do look for learning and growth in your negative emotions. In the words of my grandmother: ‘Nothing is so bad that it’s not good for something.”

Do respectfully validate other people’s feelings, regardless of what you think of them AND regardless of their age. Nobody's feelings are wrong.

Do place your own agenda aside for just 30 seconds in order to step into someone else’s shoes. What must it feel like to be them right now?

DON’T

Do not play the blame game or ‘send someone on a guilt-trip!’ It never ends well!

Avoid judging or criticizing others. Whenever you can, acknowledge everyone’s unique path and emotional reality – nobody’s reality is the same.

Do not try to control or change others. (It ain’t possible! Honestly!)


Last but not least, make sure you're having some laughter and play in your life! (Have you noticed how often the Dalai Lama is caught on camera laughing?)