ARE YOU IN "THE IMPACT ZONE"?

How are you feeling? What are you feeling? 

Are you feeling impacted by all the world’s turbulence right now? Many of my clients have reported experiencing unusual and intense personal changes ‘thrust upon them’ (to quote), as well as all the global upheavals. I am not sure if that’s coincidental or if we’re just living in a time of extreme change on all fronts. One thing is for sure, we are being called upon to be resilient and draw on our inner resources in ways not seen for a very long while. 

  

As many of you know, I do like a metaphor, and one I feel is particularly apt and can be useful at this time is the surfing metaphor. Whether you may be riding the waves of change well or feeling it’s all a bit much, bear with me now because I am not just referring to ‘riding the waves’ (or not). There’s more to the usefulness of the metaphor than that!  

 

An aspect of surfing that gave one of my clients (let’s call him George) a particularly profound ‘aha’ moment, is an occurrence referred to as ‘pearling’, which is an accidental nose-dive of the surfboard vertically down into the bottom of the ocean, pitching the surfer into the water. It occurs when you don’t adjust yourself to compensate for transitioning from the downhill slope of the wave to flat water. As a result, when you come up for air you may find yourself floundering, anxiously trying to get back up on the board and, if you manage to, paddling furiously in order to catch the next wave that you know is due imminently! This is often called “The Impact Zone”, a ‘zone’ where time is of the essence! If fear and anxiety are allowed to take over, your much-needed focus will be gone with the waves and your next experience will, in all likelihood be a ‘wipe-out’!

 

Recalling this happening to him on holiday, George had his ‘aha’ moment; he realised that although understandable, his sluggish adjustments to external change followed by fear and excessive anxiety about his business, caused him to miss opportunities as well as timely actions he could have taken; ‘gone with the waves!’ as he put it. George’s unmanaged emotions and loss of focus almost lost him his entire business. ‘My fear-driven emotions just took over! A real-life wipe-out!”

 

This brings to mind another metaphor I was reminded of while at a ballet performance last week, ‘Like Water for Chocolate’. Depicting a story about passion, desire, despair and over-powering emotions from the novel with the same title, it takes its title from a phrase used in South America, which refers to the water they use to make hot chocolate - (water instead of milk). The chocolate will only melt when the water reaches boiling point, and so the phrase alludes to a state of emotions at boiling point and about to boil over. 

 

Whether we are referring to passion (as in that ballet and novel), or the fear in a surfer’s wipe-out’, or a businessman’s unmanaged anxiety, or other powerful emotions, the reference highlights the power of emotions and the influence they have over us and our actions. We may not acknowledge or even be aware of our emotions taking over our thinking, our choices and our actions, but it is now a scientific fact: emotions drive our thoughts and our behaviour, and if they ‘boil over’, whether in an unexpected transition, an impact zone or otherwise, we lose control!

 

 

Four questions emerge that may be helpful to ask ourselves:

 

1. Are we flexible enough to reposition ourselves to compensate for the transition we are going through? In other words, are we willing to be adaptable, try something new, stretch our thinking till it surfaces out of the box we have hitherto made ourselves so comfortable in? Can we transcend old behaviours and ride the waves of change with flexibility, or are we sticking with long-established, customary measures that will inevitably pitch us back into the water?

 

2. Are we becoming an ‘attention deficit’ society? Are we mostly busy and distracted, caught up in emails, social media, texting, scrolling, long work hours, information overload, and generally trying to match our pace with everyone else in our life? In other words, are we paying full attention to where we are on ‘our wave’ or is our distraction causing us to miss opportunities and accidentally nose-dive into a situation we don’t want? Or are we so busy and distracted by technology, thoughts and apprehensions that when we are with a colleague, partner or our loved ones, we are not ‘fully present’ at all?

 

3. Are we anxiously flailing about, grasping at sea-foam, our fear of the possibilities ahead paralyzing us, keeping us just treading water until the next wave wipes us out?

 

4. Or are we allowing our emotions and emotional reactions to overwhelm us and ‘boil over’ so we lose control of our sense of self and what’s important to us?  

 

 

Although it is natural to feel distracted, frantic, worried, anxious and even fearful, and even to ‘boil over’, our chances of successfully navigating life and its challenges - whether within today’s seemingly chaotic world or in a hopefully calmer future -  will be in direct proportion to our ability to process and move through these feelings, keeping our ‘emotional brain’ understood and managed, and our ‘thinking brain’ switched on: As we know, the two ‘brains’ cannot function effectively simultaneously. 

 

When we feel any degree of anxiety or apprehension, even if we are able to look calm, our ‘emotional’ brain takes over and puts us into defence mode, causing inflexibility and resistance to change. Short-term thinking and bad decisions are made in this state. Conversely, smart, innovative thinking that will create the new ways of doing things, wise choices and insights, all come from a switched on ‘thinking brain’, which can only happen when we are in an emotional state of centeredness; focused yet flexible, willing to reposition, and open to transcendence. ‘

 

Getting centred and ‘switching on’ easily requires a practice – a continuous practice that is as habitual and second nature to us as brushing teeth or taking a shower. 

We can all develop these practices by:

 

1.    Checking in: A quick checking in with yourself, throughout your day (for example each time you walk through a door), asking yourself how you feel, making sure you are centred and in the switched on state, and if not ensuring you do what it takes to get there – even if that means taking a few minutes in the bathroom to release any tension, breathe and centre. 

 

2.    Slowing down: When feeling overwhelmed, stop your thoughts and drop into your body. Slow your breath. 

 

3.    Putting on pause: - any criticism or focus on the negative - Park it until you’re able to process, preferably in writing in your journal.

 

4.    Dropping your attention: down into your body and sensations (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, fresh air, drink of water …….)

 

5.    Focusing on the positive. Appreciate something about whoever or whatever is in front of you. Reflect on something you can appreciate. Share an appreciation.

 

When we take charge in this way, ‘riding the waves’ in the resulting more centred state will minimalize the chances of ‘pearling’ or ‘wiping out’, or of your emotions boiling over. In fact you may eventually find the ride quite enjoyable, and your increased ability to overcome the challenges even exhilarating!

 

 

 

 

Counter Intuitive?

Doesn’t it sometimes feel as if all this insecurity about the future will never end?. Worry and anxiety is ever on the increase, as is our faith in our leaders (all of them, it seems!) Result? We are more likely to take work home, agree to excessive overtime and avoid taking breaks. Does this sound like you? Do you increasingly find yourself eating lunch while still working? Do you continue working at home, during dinner, texting or emailing while sitting with your partner or children and their homework? Although all this gives us the feeling we are being more effective, getting more work done, I have news for you: that's an illusion!

Studies conducted over decades, have found that as the length of the workday increases so too does our lack of efficiency, and that productivity increases only when we take breaks and ensure we have ample time to rest and recover form our workday! One study, published in September last year found that it is even possible to use work time for exercise or other health-promoting measures and still attain the same or higher production levels. Imagine that!

So increasing productivity by effectively relaxing, while feeling worried and anxious? Surely this is counter-intuitive? The big challenge is that it will only cease to be counter-intuitive when we accept that we can choose our emotional responses – when we find ways to shift the anxiety to another response. Fortunately this can become more doable if we have some practical steps, and as this is particularly relevant for the people I currently see, I am getting opportunities to test numerous tools!
Here are some suggestions that have worked for me and for my clients:

1.    MAKE A ‘WIND DOWN’ LIST: After lunch make a list of what you need to accomplish before you leave work and what you will tackle tomorrow. This gives you time to complete your tasks and help you to leave work feeling more like you've wrapped up your day productively.
2.    USE MUSIC. If you can, use music to help give you energy and focus. Use an mp3 player or your computer. Your favourite music will make your work more fun!
3.    LIMIT TAKING WORK HOME. Try to reduce this to once or twice a week, only taking with you what is absolutely necessary. If in doubt, take three deep slow breaths and then ask yourself how much more efficient this would make you.
4.    BUY A JOURNAL. If a particularly challenging issue or situation at work makes it difficult to relax once you get home, open you journal. And write about it: write about the issue, how you feel, and where in your body you feel the associated tension. When you’ve finished writing, put your journal away. Later, when you’ve eaten, relaxed and feel better, come back to your journal and see if you have a different perspective.

You can also go to the Member Zone on our website for loads of free audios to help you relax - at work and at home, alone and with your kids! www.thebeingeffect.com

Parents Worry!

Most people worry sometimes. ALL of us who are parents, worry - a lot! It is part and parcel of being a parent – to worry about our children. When they start a new school, we worry. When they begin going off to parties on their own, we worry. When they make choices we do not approve of or understand, we worry. When they grow up and move away to run their own lives we continue to worry, although it feels a little different, because we no longer have any control, not even an illusion of control! :-)

Worry is what I call a ‘what if?’ emotion. Like anxiety, fear, concern, eagerness, hope, and expectancy, it anticipates and attempts to predict the future. The imagination, prone to run rampant, joins in and, if unchecked, feeds the emotion as various scenarios are envisioned. The best thing to do when you catch yourself in the throes of this experience is to say to yourself “Time Out!” Check where in your body you are holding the tension that has been created – and release it! I for one, tend to hold worry in my jaw and neck, so a good old roll of the head and shoulders, and an opening and closing of my mouth helps to loosen things up! With the tension released I take three deep breaths, focusing all my attention in the area of my heart, feeling my torso expand and contract around the heart as I breathe. I suggest you try it – it feels exceedingly pleasant!

When you really feel fully present & centered in your body, breathing calmly, visualize your child perfectly safe, happy, and learning what (s)he is meant to learn. Know that your child has his or her own journey to make through life and trust that you have given them the necessary values and skills to navigate through it – and whatever that looks like, don’t judge it but rather know that it is perfect.

Quite frankly, much as we do it, worry does nothing to help with anything. Try instead to “send” your child all your love and just be there, living your own life as best you can, but always in a loving state for them. That is the best support you can possibly give your child – and guess what? I’m telling myself this now, as my (very) adult daughter travels across another continent. As a matter of fact, I find myself using this process on quite a regular basis!