ARE YOU IN "THE IMPACT ZONE"?

How are you feeling? What are you feeling? 

Are you feeling impacted by all the world’s turbulence right now? Many of my clients have reported experiencing unusual and intense personal changes ‘thrust upon them’ (to quote), as well as all the global upheavals. I am not sure if that’s coincidental or if we’re just living in a time of extreme change on all fronts. One thing is for sure, we are being called upon to be resilient and draw on our inner resources in ways not seen for a very long while. 

  

As many of you know, I do like a metaphor, and one I feel is particularly apt and can be useful at this time is the surfing metaphor. Whether you may be riding the waves of change well or feeling it’s all a bit much, bear with me now because I am not just referring to ‘riding the waves’ (or not). There’s more to the usefulness of the metaphor than that!  

 

An aspect of surfing that gave one of my clients (let’s call him George) a particularly profound ‘aha’ moment, is an occurrence referred to as ‘pearling’, which is an accidental nose-dive of the surfboard vertically down into the bottom of the ocean, pitching the surfer into the water. It occurs when you don’t adjust yourself to compensate for transitioning from the downhill slope of the wave to flat water. As a result, when you come up for air you may find yourself floundering, anxiously trying to get back up on the board and, if you manage to, paddling furiously in order to catch the next wave that you know is due imminently! This is often called “The Impact Zone”, a ‘zone’ where time is of the essence! If fear and anxiety are allowed to take over, your much-needed focus will be gone with the waves and your next experience will, in all likelihood be a ‘wipe-out’!

 

Recalling this happening to him on holiday, George had his ‘aha’ moment; he realised that although understandable, his sluggish adjustments to external change followed by fear and excessive anxiety about his business, caused him to miss opportunities as well as timely actions he could have taken; ‘gone with the waves!’ as he put it. George’s unmanaged emotions and loss of focus almost lost him his entire business. ‘My fear-driven emotions just took over! A real-life wipe-out!”

 

This brings to mind another metaphor I was reminded of while at a ballet performance last week, ‘Like Water for Chocolate’. Depicting a story about passion, desire, despair and over-powering emotions from the novel with the same title, it takes its title from a phrase used in South America, which refers to the water they use to make hot chocolate - (water instead of milk). The chocolate will only melt when the water reaches boiling point, and so the phrase alludes to a state of emotions at boiling point and about to boil over. 

 

Whether we are referring to passion (as in that ballet and novel), or the fear in a surfer’s wipe-out’, or a businessman’s unmanaged anxiety, or other powerful emotions, the reference highlights the power of emotions and the influence they have over us and our actions. We may not acknowledge or even be aware of our emotions taking over our thinking, our choices and our actions, but it is now a scientific fact: emotions drive our thoughts and our behaviour, and if they ‘boil over’, whether in an unexpected transition, an impact zone or otherwise, we lose control!

 

 

Four questions emerge that may be helpful to ask ourselves:

 

1. Are we flexible enough to reposition ourselves to compensate for the transition we are going through? In other words, are we willing to be adaptable, try something new, stretch our thinking till it surfaces out of the box we have hitherto made ourselves so comfortable in? Can we transcend old behaviours and ride the waves of change with flexibility, or are we sticking with long-established, customary measures that will inevitably pitch us back into the water?

 

2. Are we becoming an ‘attention deficit’ society? Are we mostly busy and distracted, caught up in emails, social media, texting, scrolling, long work hours, information overload, and generally trying to match our pace with everyone else in our life? In other words, are we paying full attention to where we are on ‘our wave’ or is our distraction causing us to miss opportunities and accidentally nose-dive into a situation we don’t want? Or are we so busy and distracted by technology, thoughts and apprehensions that when we are with a colleague, partner or our loved ones, we are not ‘fully present’ at all?

 

3. Are we anxiously flailing about, grasping at sea-foam, our fear of the possibilities ahead paralyzing us, keeping us just treading water until the next wave wipes us out?

 

4. Or are we allowing our emotions and emotional reactions to overwhelm us and ‘boil over’ so we lose control of our sense of self and what’s important to us?  

 

 

Although it is natural to feel distracted, frantic, worried, anxious and even fearful, and even to ‘boil over’, our chances of successfully navigating life and its challenges - whether within today’s seemingly chaotic world or in a hopefully calmer future -  will be in direct proportion to our ability to process and move through these feelings, keeping our ‘emotional brain’ understood and managed, and our ‘thinking brain’ switched on: As we know, the two ‘brains’ cannot function effectively simultaneously. 

 

When we feel any degree of anxiety or apprehension, even if we are able to look calm, our ‘emotional’ brain takes over and puts us into defence mode, causing inflexibility and resistance to change. Short-term thinking and bad decisions are made in this state. Conversely, smart, innovative thinking that will create the new ways of doing things, wise choices and insights, all come from a switched on ‘thinking brain’, which can only happen when we are in an emotional state of centeredness; focused yet flexible, willing to reposition, and open to transcendence. ‘

 

Getting centred and ‘switching on’ easily requires a practice – a continuous practice that is as habitual and second nature to us as brushing teeth or taking a shower. 

We can all develop these practices by:

 

1.    Checking in: A quick checking in with yourself, throughout your day (for example each time you walk through a door), asking yourself how you feel, making sure you are centred and in the switched on state, and if not ensuring you do what it takes to get there – even if that means taking a few minutes in the bathroom to release any tension, breathe and centre. 

 

2.    Slowing down: When feeling overwhelmed, stop your thoughts and drop into your body. Slow your breath. 

 

3.    Putting on pause: - any criticism or focus on the negative - Park it until you’re able to process, preferably in writing in your journal.

 

4.    Dropping your attention: down into your body and sensations (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, fresh air, drink of water …….)

 

5.    Focusing on the positive. Appreciate something about whoever or whatever is in front of you. Reflect on something you can appreciate. Share an appreciation.

 

When we take charge in this way, ‘riding the waves’ in the resulting more centred state will minimalize the chances of ‘pearling’ or ‘wiping out’, or of your emotions boiling over. In fact you may eventually find the ride quite enjoyable, and your increased ability to overcome the challenges even exhilarating!

 

 

 

 

THE WISDOM OF EMOTIONS

 

In all my years of working with emotions and stress, this last year has been the most bizarre. However, no matter how strange the circumstances or how unnerving our experiences, we are still the same human beings with the same brains and biology, and the importance of understanding and managing our own emotions remains unchanged. 

 

In the first lockdown I created a video of ten tips for dealing with anxiety, fear, overwhelm and other stress-producing emotions. As vaccine roll-outs and numbers going down create a light of hope, our emotions are no longer as fear-driven. However, after experiencing such a disturbing and for many, traumatic year, our resilience has been sorely tested and our emotions are just as, if not more stress-producing. So, the tips apply equally; they are all practical and they work. The video is still available on my Youtube channel here.

 

Regardless of which unpleasant emotions you may have felt or be feeling, consider changing your view of those emotions as negative, instead letting go of any judgment of your emotions.

To help with this, here are some statements to ponder and even apply, and for some, a few reminders to help you and your loved ones emotionally with the next months of 2021 – whatever those months may bring!

 

‘Negative’ Feelings Don’t Exist

Actually, there are no ‘negative’ emotions, because all emotions are ‘messages’ and meant to serve a purpose. Your fears and negative conditioning (from the past and often from childhood) are what judge your feelings as negative or unwanted. Whenever this occurs, you can feel disconnected and disempowered,

Through becoming open to exploring and understanding another view of your emotions, you can recognize how each “negative” feeling you experience is actually giving you information that’s meant to inform and guide you, often to make a change or to tune into someone else’s perspective.

 

Let Go and BE with Your Feelings

A typical way most of us try to deal with our negative emotions is to resist them - try to control, rise above, ignore, or somehow free ourselves from them- all of which are actually dissociating actions. 

While it is natural to want to distance ourselves from what we don’t like, when we do, we also disconnect from the self-criticism or shame we subconsciously may feel about ourselves, which then leads us to begin justifying why we feel the way we do, including blaming others or external circumstances. Ironically, this will keep us increasingly attached to the painful emotion and can create an endless loop of distress.

 

You Can Choose What You Feel

However, once you identify and name what you feel, you can instead make the choice to breathe with it and allow the anxious ‘voice’ of that negative emotion to fully surface Then write it all down. By writing down the emotion messages, your inner critic will ‘feel heard’, which means the mental chatter will dramatically reduce and may even dissolve completely. 

 

Listen to the Wisdom of Your Uncomfortable Feeling

Once you have allowed the unpleasant mental chatter to feel heard, your innate wisdom will have the chance to surface. Shift your focus to your heart area and breathe slowly, lengthening the exhale. Ask yourself: What does my inner wisdom want to say? What is my emotion trying to show me? Whatever comes to you, write it down. It may be something you can act on – in which case, do!

 

No Lockdown on Connection!

Moving through your own emotions in this way, makes it easier to reach out to others, (through whatever means you have in these strange times!), and there is no lockdown on emotional connection with others! 

 

A silver lining that seems to have appeared from the gloominess of this pandemic, at least for many of my clients and I’m sure others, is an improved ‘work-life balance’ as many are spending less time working and travelling, and more time with family or finding ways to ‘connect’ (flowers, phone calls, even letter writing!) 

 

Connecting with other people, -whether on screen with friends or loved ones, or just a smile with your eyes to the postman-, is one of the most important, healing, and helpful application of emotional mastery. From a neuroscience perspective, connecting with others (even just in a phone call) will release the neuropeptide oxytocin, also known as the ‘bonding hormone’.  This downregulates feelings of distress even in ‘micro-moments’ of connection. Since our emotional health and ability to manage all the current stress is irrevocably linked to our immune system and ability to fight disease, ….  well, enough said!

 

Stay safe and well – and may your connections become easier and easier!

 

Jennifer