THE WISDOM OF EMOTIONS

 

In all my years of working with emotions and stress, this last year has been the most bizarre. However, no matter how strange the circumstances or how unnerving our experiences, we are still the same human beings with the same brains and biology, and the importance of understanding and managing our own emotions remains unchanged. 

 

In the first lockdown I created a video of ten tips for dealing with anxiety, fear, overwhelm and other stress-producing emotions. As vaccine roll-outs and numbers going down create a light of hope, our emotions are no longer as fear-driven. However, after experiencing such a disturbing and for many, traumatic year, our resilience has been sorely tested and our emotions are just as, if not more stress-producing. So, the tips apply equally; they are all practical and they work. The video is still available on my Youtube channel here.

 

Regardless of which unpleasant emotions you may have felt or be feeling, consider changing your view of those emotions as negative, instead letting go of any judgment of your emotions.

To help with this, here are some statements to ponder and even apply, and for some, a few reminders to help you and your loved ones emotionally with the next months of 2021 – whatever those months may bring!

 

‘Negative’ Feelings Don’t Exist

Actually, there are no ‘negative’ emotions, because all emotions are ‘messages’ and meant to serve a purpose. Your fears and negative conditioning (from the past and often from childhood) are what judge your feelings as negative or unwanted. Whenever this occurs, you can feel disconnected and disempowered,

Through becoming open to exploring and understanding another view of your emotions, you can recognize how each “negative” feeling you experience is actually giving you information that’s meant to inform and guide you, often to make a change or to tune into someone else’s perspective.

 

Let Go and BE with Your Feelings

A typical way most of us try to deal with our negative emotions is to resist them - try to control, rise above, ignore, or somehow free ourselves from them- all of which are actually dissociating actions. 

While it is natural to want to distance ourselves from what we don’t like, when we do, we also disconnect from the self-criticism or shame we subconsciously may feel about ourselves, which then leads us to begin justifying why we feel the way we do, including blaming others or external circumstances. Ironically, this will keep us increasingly attached to the painful emotion and can create an endless loop of distress.

 

You Can Choose What You Feel

However, once you identify and name what you feel, you can instead make the choice to breathe with it and allow the anxious ‘voice’ of that negative emotion to fully surface Then write it all down. By writing down the emotion messages, your inner critic will ‘feel heard’, which means the mental chatter will dramatically reduce and may even dissolve completely. 

 

Listen to the Wisdom of Your Uncomfortable Feeling

Once you have allowed the unpleasant mental chatter to feel heard, your innate wisdom will have the chance to surface. Shift your focus to your heart area and breathe slowly, lengthening the exhale. Ask yourself: What does my inner wisdom want to say? What is my emotion trying to show me? Whatever comes to you, write it down. It may be something you can act on – in which case, do!

 

No Lockdown on Connection!

Moving through your own emotions in this way, makes it easier to reach out to others, (through whatever means you have in these strange times!), and there is no lockdown on emotional connection with others! 

 

A silver lining that seems to have appeared from the gloominess of this pandemic, at least for many of my clients and I’m sure others, is an improved ‘work-life balance’ as many are spending less time working and travelling, and more time with family or finding ways to ‘connect’ (flowers, phone calls, even letter writing!) 

 

Connecting with other people, -whether on screen with friends or loved ones, or just a smile with your eyes to the postman-, is one of the most important, healing, and helpful application of emotional mastery. From a neuroscience perspective, connecting with others (even just in a phone call) will release the neuropeptide oxytocin, also known as the ‘bonding hormone’.  This downregulates feelings of distress even in ‘micro-moments’ of connection. Since our emotional health and ability to manage all the current stress is irrevocably linked to our immune system and ability to fight disease, ….  well, enough said!

 

Stay safe and well – and may your connections become easier and easier!

 

Jennifer

 

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN

Coming out of this strange state of ‘lockdown’, not knowing whether we’ll be ‘sent back into it again’ or able to keep moving into a more familiar state of being and living, the significance of the brain and how our past experiences have ‘wired’ us for resilience, becomes key.

As I have mentioned in Blogs before, the part of the brain often referred to as the Executive Brain, that top-heavy front part called the Pre Frontal Cortex, defines us as humans. It is gradually developed from birth up to the age of about 24, and is shaped to a great degree based on our experiences (and responses to them), and to the 'programming' we receive. This part of the brain gives us a multitude of abilities, including contributing significantly to our 

resilience and our abilities to;

• Stay calm under pressure and manage fear
• Manage our impulses
• Motivate ourselves – be able to generate positive emotions under stress and stay on course, even with setbacks
• Adapt and be flexible – be able to roll with the punches
• Have transparency – act from our values rather than just having a trendy vision statement
• Develop Emotional intelligence – to understand and self-regulate our emotions in order to gain the best, most insightful perspective
• Have ‘big-picture’ insight –to be aware of the present, look backward at the past, and have a vision of the future, simultaneously (mental time-travel J)
• Feel empathy – be able to step into someone else’s shoes and see their viewpoint without your own agenda getting in the way
•  Become attuned to other people – ultimately making them more likely to feel trusting and loyal towards us
• Act according to values and ethics – imagining and in-acting the greater good, above and beyond our own personal satisfaction
• Trust intuition – be able to process gut feeling and heart-felt sense and use in an appropriate way to inform decisions

Of course we’re not necessarily automatically good at any of these – for most of us it takes a bit of effort and quite frequently, a lot of work! SO what are the most recent findings that can make all this easier, to both understand and apply?

1. First of all, your personal (and professional) growth work can change your brain! 

It can be helpful to know that neuroscience and psychology have significant overlaps with each other as well as with ancient contemplative practices – (Mindfulness being a ‘modern’ version and the most commonly quoted). When you apply techniques such as the Applied Emotional Mastery (AEM) techniques and practices, you are not only helping yourself and your actions or relationships short-term, you are also actually changing the very structure of your brain, thereby impacting your life long-term. Neuroscientists can now shows us clearly that repeated emotional and mental activity entail repetition of neural (brain) activity which builds actual neural structures. It is said that neurons that fire together, wire together. This means that the more you for example feel compassion for yourself and others, the more you will be inclined to feel compassionate in situations when you previously might have found it difficult. Conversely, the more you allow yourself to feel put upon or resentful (and justify feeling that way), the more hardwired this becomes and the more predisposed you become to feeling this way in response to a variety of situations.

2. Secondly, all humans have a bias towards negativity. (It’s not just you!) Our ancestors, trying to survive cave life, would understandably place more importance on avoiding sticks than pursuing carrots. The result is that our brains are wired to pay most attention to anything that feels even remotely threatening or disturbing. In our memory bank there is a preferential ‘coding’ that makes us learn faster from pain than pleasure and be more motivated by fear of loss than by desire for gain. (This explains a lot!)

To make positive changes that give lasting benefit and become permanent traits it is not quite enough to merely think positively. We need to download it – (think of it as just like installing or downloading a program onto your computer versus just viewing a link) – and that involves emotions. To ‘download’ or install anything positive requires both repetition and prolonged experience, allowing the integration of the ‘new’ emotional experience or perspective in your brain to become traits –the desired change to become ‘hardwired’– making increased resilience, inner strength, and other desired qualities permanent.

SO: here’s a couple of tips/reminders to help you install an increased state of well-being:

TAKE FIVE!

A short, 5 minute meditation integrated into your daily routine (you can find several in the Multi-media section of our website or on our YouTube channel) will activate the ‘Executive’ circuits in the brain.

RELISH!

To recover from too many stress-hormones and build resilience, we need to generate those hormones that give us a much-needed balance, including endorphins. We do this best by RELISHING the good feelings and experiences we have. When you are enjoying something, savour it. The longer you keep that feeling of appreciation or relishing going, the more the neurons keep firing together and the more chance there is of the neurons wiring together. For example, on your way to work and enjoying the blue sky and sunshine, keep enjoying it. Stop your wandering mind by bringing it back to how good it feels to really appreciate the sunny morning, RELISH AND ABSORB THE GOOD FEELING!  Install it!

Stay safe and well!  - and may your self-mastery increase by the day J

Jennifer