Care Over Cash - A Female Thing?

 “If only women were in charge …. “ sighed a man to his companion next to me on the train, as he closed his newspaper. Not the first time I’ve heard that remark, or said it myself! What do we mean by this? I know what I mean – that the qualities we associate with the ‘female brain’ – nurturing, gathering, relationship skills, flexibility and openness, care and compassion – seem to be in short supply in many corners of the world these days, and if they were more present there would be less suffering and greed.

Imagine for a moment, the proverbial corridors of power, political or corporate, but where everyone has more flexibility, openness, and compassion – it might look something like this: everyone approaches cultural diversity as a strength as opposed to as an obstacle. Imagine everyone prioritising their relationship skills - this could mean more effective teams, globally as well as locally, all being managed with emotional intelligence, dialog flowing and compromises and decisions reached. Last but not least, imagine compassion being a quality valued and required by all people in power – surely we would see more inclusiveness and more ethical decisions on every level; we would see the prioritization of care over cash; and social responsibility would be something people, leaders, have rather than a buzz-word they use.

Traditionally’ the qualities in these imaginings are considered ‘female’, (which I presume is what the sighing man on the train was referring to). However, I believe we all know that everyone, regardless of gender, has the capacity for these qualities. Even though our brains are wired differently – this is as much the result of ‘training’ as it is biology. Contrary to conventional belief, men are not slaves to testosterone, and compassion & relating is not the sole territory of women. According to Dr Louanne Brizendine, author of 'The Male Brain', there is plentiful research showing that the adult male brain has great capacity for both devotion and nurturing.

SO, on that note I’m going to adjust my thinking about this ‘leadership’ subject and instead of ‘If only women were in charge’, I’ll be thinking about and imagining everybody in leadership positions accessing their innate abilities for compassion, openness, and relating. The imagination is a powerful thing ….maybe it will make a difference, however small! Won’t you join me? :-)

Who's The Boss?

Piercing scream from aisle eleven,
Tantrum in progress
Escalating fast.
‘Gimme gimme!”  yells the screamer,
Louder and louder,
How long will it last?

Earplugs are on aisle eleven,
Can’t get to them
The dad’s in the way
Bending down to try to reason
With the screamer,
What on earth will he say?

‘Sweety please, do stop your screaming,
Please be good,
Be quiet now.”
“I don’t wanna!” yells the offspring.
Dad looks flustered,
Sweat beads on his brow.

Trying to ignore the racket,
With fellow shoppers
I vacate the aisle.
Still I hear the constant crying,
Dad’s enduring,
I manage a smile.

 “I will get you coke and burger
If you’re good
And stop this din.”
Dad beseeches. Youngster screeches
“I want Gameboy!”
I wonder who’ll win?

Bawling keeps on escalating
Soon creating
Hearing loss!!
Then suddenly the holler ceases.
Finally,
Dad showed who’s boss!

Leaving supermarket later,
A familiar
High-pitched scream.
There, again, the kid 'in tantrum',
Gameboy in hand
Yelling “Now! Ice-cream!”

Beautifully Risk-Taking Teenage Brains!

Whether we’ve raised teenagers or not, we’ve all been one, and we all know what a contradictory, risky, sometimes reckless and often confusing time it can be! We may also have plenty of explanations for why the teenage years are so emotional, unruly and rebellious, - in fact throughout history opinions have abounded about the ‘coming of age’ period when we. literally and figuratively, stretch ourselves into adulthood. Having been a very moody and defiant teenager myself – well into my twenties -I’ve always had an interest in every single rationale I’ve come across, yet there’s one thing that’s bothered me about most of the current attitudes to the teenage years; the negativity and disapproval so often ingrained in the very expectations of youth. Now I’m happy to note, there’s brain research that gives us not only logical reasons why teens think and behave they way they tend to do, but it highlights the positive significance and even necessity of their often reckless risk taking, pointing to the creativity, innovation, ‘thinking-outside-the-box’ and other qualities that comes with being a teen – and what it has meant for the survival of our species. If you haven’t read about it yet, you can in this National Geographic article at http://bit.ly/nksWpJ
It’s worth the read!

Child-Driven Learning Does it Again!

I have just had what you might call a mind-altering experience – a view I thought would stay the same has shifted. Let me explain. As you may know if you’ve read my earlier posts, I have been somewhat concerned about the time children today spend interacting with computers (rather than live people). I have been most concerned about the effect this appears to have on their development, in particular relationship skills and social intelligence. Amazingly, although not exactly allaying my concern, research I recently came across certainly gives me a wider perspective! The research in question has been done by education scientist Sugata Mitra, who found (after years of studies) that when children independently use computers and most specifically the internet, in groups – that is, without adult supervision and in combination with inter-personal interaction with their peers – not only does their learning capacity significantly increase but education itself is taken to a whole new level! Additional benefits that have emerged from Mitra’s studies - for communities and indeed for our ‘global wellness’ – are intriguing.  I am fascinated. If you haven’t come across it, check it out. It's a TED talk, so not too long and most entertaining.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_the_child_driven_education.html

Can We Change How We Do Change....

Change is in the air - both because the air is distinctly autumnal, and of course because of the state of the world! But are we going about change in the way we could? The turning of the leaves and the very slight chill in the air got me thinking, then writing........ and writing more. Somewhat inspired, I ended up writing too much for a mere Blog    - more like a small article - so I posted it on my Hub-Pages.........Click on this link and (if you're so inclined), I hope you enjoy! I welcome your response comments...... http://jenniferday.hubpages.com/t/2962ff

At The Risk of Repeating Myself......

If anyone you know is still skeptical about the value of emotional intelligence and stress management, they are not alone. Despite all the findings to the contrary, most business leaders are still concerned that feelings like compassion and empathy might conflict with company ideals(!) In a study of 250 corporate executives, researchers found that the majority of them, even now, believe that businesslike decisions would be made more difficult if feelings were given too much consideration………..
Well, although I find myself initially sighing with a great degree of exasperation, I muster my own emotional intelligence :-) and recognize that this finding means we just need to keep writing and talking! .... talking about all the research and knowledge we now have on the human brain and how the human being REALLY works, until we reach the tipping point and all the people in charge of the rest of us get it; that feelings and emotions power our thoughts and behaviours and therefore underlie just about everything; until they get that only way to actually make so-called businesslike decisions, - or indeed do anything that requires clear, objective thinking - is to manage one’s stress and emotions (notice I say 'manage' not 'control' - please see below for further reading if you’d like to read more on this.)
It’s not as if this is an impossible task or even a big challenge! Managing stress and emotions can be learned - and because emotional intelligence teaches us the ways to make our brains and our lives work better, we feel almost instant benefits. A simple concept – but apparently very hard for some to adopt!  If you've had your own experiences and you do ‘get it’ (and if you're reading this, I imagine you do) please, share your insights ………….  someone who is in charge of others may hear you and then you’d be doing us all a great, great service!
Cheers!

  

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I Have A Simple Dream

I would like to see all our politicians stop having knee-jerk reactions and start taking more responsibility for their emotions – their fear, insecurities, greed, anxiety, pride – emotions  they are most likely not even aware of but that drive so much of what they say. Can you imagine them STOPPING their reactions, quietly DROPPING their attention into their bodies, (breathing, focusing in the heart etc.) and self-regulating BEFORE they open their mouths…..? A bit far fetched maybe :-) If they did though, the chances are that their brains would work with more clarity and vision - and they’d be more likely to ‘respond’ to issues rather than react. And wouldn’t that be helpful for all of us .….. I dream on………. Ahhh, but don’t we all need to get out of our heads and drop our awareness into our bodies more, into the wisdom that comes from being centered?

An Ode To The Peapod

Today I shelled peas.
No big deal you might say
But it isn’t the norm to shell peas, these days.

The norm’s in a bag
Either frozen or dried
Not fresh, plump pods with the peas inside.

I’m happy to say
T'was the real thing today
My thumb split the pod and it felt like play

One in my mouth
‘Tween my teeth it went pop
The sweet fresh taste made me smile and stop

Each bright green pea
Had my full attention
It felt like a pea-pod meditation

I must do this more often
Select the ‘slow’ way
It’s far more enjoyable, any day!

Angry In The Right Way?

Aristotle said “Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy.” There’s plenty of proof in today’s world of this ancient wisdom! Certainly anger was one dominant emotion seething through the streets of London recently – both amongst rioters and victims. But there were other emotions too, emotions that we don’t understand quite as well as we understand the anger of the disenfranchised; emotions like recklessness, cold, callous indifference, and the out-and-out ‘f—you’ emotion, that was clearly driving so many of the rioters.  One can debate and analyze where these feelings come from and there are doubtless a few different opinions out there. Personally, I would love to see more discussions about the societal causes underlying the complete lack of empathy and compassion in such a large amount of young people, and what, if anything, we can do about it. However, I am prevented from even going there because I know that empathy is just one of a series of key ingredient in what we call emotional intelligence, which brings me to the one thing that WAS clear in these riots, and which needs no discussion or analysis, and that is the complete and utter lack of emotional intelligence in the rioters.
Emotional intelligence or EI has been the subject of much research in the last couple of decades, and we now know enough about its significance and consequences that we are integrating into our schools and parenting - or at least many are attempting to, (and if we aren’t we should be!)
Where we often go wrong with developing emotional intelligence is that we start from the wrong end; we want to develop social conscience and empathy before we do anything else, and much of the current political rhetoric about these riots may unfortunately increase this misdirection. But the human psyche doesn’t work that way, especially in our complicated society where we are so highly stimulated. We have to start at ground level –by first teaching our children (and ourselves!) to recognize emotions. No one can be expected to manage their emotions when they only become aware of them after being consumed by them! Only when we can identify emotions as they surface, can we begin to understand them, distinguish the emotions that serve us from those that don’t, and begin the (arduous for some), process of learning to regulate or manage them and express them more appropriately. In that process, if we stick with it, qualities like empathy and social conscience can really develop, and maybe eventually even the increasingly lacking ability for delay gratification!
There is no short-cut to developing these qualities – they won’t happen by blaming & shaming, or even by punishing (although I do recognize the importance of such measures). Empathy, care, compassion and social conscience will only develop when we pay attention to the emotions that drive all behaviour, not in a touchy-feely way, not by mollycoddling anyone, but by acknowledging the significance and power of human emotions and integrating the building of emotional skills and EI in our education and society in developmental and structured ways. In my humble opinion, we need to get onto it.
The good news? When someone experiences the benefits that come with increasing EI, - the heightened sense of self-confidence; the improved relationships; the increased creativity and accomplishment of goals; the frequent ‘feel-good-for-no-reason’ moments; etc. etc. (the list goes on) – the motivation to continue the process of mastering ones emotions becomes almost organic. Even channeling anger to express it in ways that are constructive and do not damage others, grows easier and easier - ever increasing the chances of ‘being angry in the right way’. 
But as I said, there’s no short cut.
(As you can tell by this Blog post, the concept of 'short' eludes me today!)

Your Butterfly Effect?

  The concept that the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can impact wind and weather many miles away can be a great metaphor for us humans and our emotions! Personally, I know that a relatively small change in my internal state can make a difference to every other person I meet, am around, and even family in faraway places. It may be explained by the whole electromagnetic field theory, as our ‘field’ and its quality is regulated by our emotions, in other words what you are feeling at any given time will be sent out in electrical signals that one can’t necessarily see or hear but that can be felt, (you know, that walking-into-a-room-and-just-knowing-something-is-off thing!) Then of course there’s also the way we impact our surroundings with the way we act, our words, etc. Ahhh – the mind boggles, this metaphor could develop into a mutli-layered story!! (Can you 'feel' my overwhelm? )

So, what’s your butterfly effect?