Happy New Year!

It’s that time of year again – when we look for renewal and reinvention, and we make resolutions to keep intentions we mostly have all year long. Why do we think we can keep them just because it’s a new year? Maybe a new year makes us feel like we have been given a new beginning, and we can forgive ourselves the old bad habits because we are committed to doing better now? While this is a hope-filled and optimistic feeling, it will be more than likely over-ridden by the emotion we have that drives the habit or behavior we want to get rid of in the first place! Because that emotion is probably stronger than the new intention! It is probably older, more ‘set’ in your body, and it’s history and ‘roots’ much more powerful. Interestingly, a recent scientific study in Portugal showed that in times of stress (such as the times we are in), we revert to habits we have formed even if they are destructive and actually cause more stress! (More on this in a future article – watch for it on this website.)

For me, shifting habits is of course as challenging as for anyone, but I have always found it to be amazingly helpful to journal write, especially at this time of year – to journal about the emotions that keep me doing things I don’t really feel good about. Journaling as in ‘stream of consciousness’ – NO judgment, just write what you feel – can be immensely clarifying and give great insight. When you have ‘emptied’ your emotions onto the pages and you feel your writing is, at least for the moment, complete, allow yourself to just sit with the emotion(s), get to know it/them. And breathe- long, slow, deep breaths.

When ready, get into that space in your body that feels good (usually in the heart and chest area). Breathe into it. Allow the emotions you wrote about to just melt as you breathe into the ‘feel-good’ feeling.

Then, on a new blank page (the naturally occurring metaphor here is difficult to ignore :-), write down where you would like to be one year from now; imagine your perfect life in a year – write it down. When I do this, I then give myself one practical step to take to move towards it – which I then carry out. (The changes I want then become manageable, step-by-step processes). If those sabotaging emotions start to appear again, I go back and journal about them and do the same process as above, again. Eventually, after a few times, even the most stubborn emotions will have ‘melted’ away completely! Quite an empowering experience! With the sabotaging emotions gone, any resolutions, New Year’s or otherwise, become so much easier to keep, I cannot imagine making any kind of resolutions or commitments without first doing this process.

On that note; all of us here at AEM wish all of you a Happy New Year ------- and happy journaling!

Prize Draw Winners!

Our December 20th Holiday Prize Draw has happened! We are giving away 5 copies of my book BEING WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE, and the winners are Lindsay T., Sabina Y., Cindy M., Alexis R., and Beth W. Congratulations to you all! (Each winner has been notified by email.)

A quote in the book is from Confucius: "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." The Christmas season is such a perfect time to reflect on this I find. It is the season for giving (although that season should really never end!), AND it is the time when we prepare for a new year, new beginnings, and setting intentions for improvements and new choices we wish to make. May all our choices help and support us in "setting our hearts right"!

Musings on the Holidays

The Holidays are coming up again – and what has not been said on this subject? I cannot think of anything! The discussion is, as usual, can we manage the stress and make the experience pleasurable? This year for many, there’s probably an additional focus on money - or rather the reduced amounts of it available! The quote "In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time." (L. J. Peter) may speak more to parents this year than before!

So the one thing I find myself focusing on is quality rather than quantity - and the concept of relishing; relishing every positive fraction of every tiny moment. As I bake the mince pies, I want to relish the aromas that waft towards me. Each time I walk past the tree in our living room, I want to relish the beauty of the twinkling lights and the sweet decorations collected over the years. Before, during and after each meal, I want to take the time to deeply appreciate every morsel consumed, knowing how privileged we are to be consuming such meals at all. Relishing to me is like the physical version of appreciating, felt so acutely it creates a physical response – the mouthwatering experience, the involuntary smile, the warm glow. And what more do I need – for these are the physical manifestations of happiness, and to decide to relish is to decide to be happy – at any time of year!

Musings on The Being Effect

For me, The Being Effect is what one might call the impact we each make on our environment, our loved ones, each person we meet, and our own body. It is not just about what we say and do - but actually more about how we feel. Our feelings permeate everything, which is really good news, because this is something we can actually take charge of - and which in turn will make it easier to take charge of how we respond to the world! I for one, am grateful for this, especially when I am confronted with all the things in the world that I cannot control! Although recycling, using my bike instead of my car, and coaching by phone rather than driving to an office, all contribute however minutely to a better world, consciously putting myself in a 'feel-good' state and allowing it to effect everything I think, say and do will, I believe, make an even greater difference. And it will naturally include riding my bike - - for several reasons, not just because I want to be 'green' but because I really love to ride! Easier, somehow, than 'trying hard' to be environmentally conscious, as it is a natural result of 'the feel-good' flow........... :-)

Distraction

Sometimes we let ourselves get distracted, sometimes we need distraction(!), and sometimes we just can't help but be distracted. I love this poem; it describes how I'm feeling today! :-)

I meant to do my work today -
But a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
And a butterfly flitted across the field,
And the leaves were calling me.
And the wind went sighing over the land,
Tossing the grasses to and fro,
And a rainbow held out its shining hand -
So what could I do but laugh and go?

by Richard le Gallienne

The California Women's Conference

Twenty-four thousand women – and a handful of men – poured into the Long Beach Convention Center in California last week, filling the huge arena and newly constructed ‘village’ of booths and stages with excited, anticipatory chatter. Vivacious meetings between friends followed serious looking women with a mission in their stride. Laughter mingled with calls across the hallway, and guides & guards were inundated with questions that all began with ‘where’. Lines at the coffee stalls alternately lengthened and diminished, as the women in them looked hurriedly at their watches then around the room for some sign that might help them decide whether they should stay in line or go to their next destination. The Ladies rooms had more progressively expanding queues, until the women in them discovered that the Men’s room had a big “Women’ pasted over its “Men” sign! Frantic is a word that could be used to describe some of the activity in the hallways and escalators, as women jostled to get to the arena in time for the celebrity talk they wanted to hear. For many, the entire scene was a tad overwhelming!

I was fortunate to be positioned in the Sanctuary, where the publisher of my most recent book (Being What You Want To See) the Shinnyo-en Foundation, had created a comfortable and beautified area for me to do book-signings, and give short presentations about stress & emotions. Or at least, that was the plan. But as we all know, the best laid plans…… As it turned out, the noise level from thousands of voices coupled with life size screens broadcasting celebrity interviews, made it impossible to be heard by anyone other that those sitting right next to me. Ahh well – just as well really, for it resulted in one-on-one (and one-on-two) conversations about the specific stress that affected each of the countless women that pulled up a chair with me; without public scrutiny & within the privacy that loud noise and huge crowds curiously allow, individuals were able to learn how very powerfully their emotions impact their body, and (The Good News!) how quickly and effectively we can each recover from stress & turbulent emotions. With help from the feedback technology described in my book, and in 10-15 minutes each, close to a hundred women got to actually see, one by one, their own physiological stress response, how distressing emotions impact the body, and just how easy it is to self-correct. Not one woman was unable to learn to self-regulate, even in this very noisy and ‘un-focusing’ environment, and even when the women in question had come over to see me just to escape the overwhelming amount of stimulation! Every woman (and a couple of men!) left telling me they felt empowered, enlightened, amazed, uplifted or at the very least expressed gratitude for valuable new information about themselves,

The very next day after the conference, emails were in my Inbox saying things like; “I have incorporated your suggestions into my daily lifestyle and I have already begun reaping the benefits." "I am feeling more empowered, relaxed, calm and energetic.” & “Thank you, again...... for the private one-on-one customized training that you gave me. The results are already amazing!”

Is it any wonder I love my job!!!! I feel humbled, privileged, and delighted, all at the same time!

This Was Shared With Us

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.

-unknown monk 1100 A.D

Press packet for new book

Press packet for new book
Originally uploaded by AppliedEmotionalMastery

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I Am Lovable and Capable!

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and said to yourself “I am loveable and capable”? It can be a powerful exercise, and one which can unveil attitudes and beliefs you have about yourself that may not be serving you all that well!

A lot has been written in the last few decades about feeling loved and lovable. Less has been written about feeling capable…. However, the desire to feel capable is probably as strong in its own way as the desire to love and be loved; all a part of the need to belong and to matter that is such a significant part of the human experience. The desire to be capable never diminishes throughout life; picture a toddler proclaiming his ability to be self reliant; “I wanna do it! Le’ me do it!” is a cry we have all heard from a two-year old. Teenagers are of course notorious for wanting to demonstrate that they are capable, and if you visit a nursing home, you frequently witness residents saying to the staff, “Let me do it myself!”

I like to remember to recognize and honor this, whether I am at home, or working with business managers or parents: With managers I love the idea of ‘catching employees doing something right’: – Managers and leaders tend to be very good at correcting and finding what’s wrong – it’s very easy to do! However a more productive and beneficial approach is to catch yourself doing just that, and for each time you do; find and communicate something right that employees have done – twice!
With parents, this can work pretty much the same way – the object of children’s activities is, after all, developing self-reliance! The environments we create for our children need to give them the experience of being capable and able to fix a problem if they have one!
For me at home – well, suffice it to say I can always do with a bit more focus on what we all are capable of (rather than what we are not!)
In all cases I do believe the most important thing is to be sincere, to be authentic – for nothing is worse than a false compliment, or a “Good job!” said with an insincere smile and a false chirpiness!
And at the end of the day, that brings it all back to oneself: how sincere can I be in front of a mirror saying “I am lovable and capable”? It’s definitely something to work on!

Is Anybody There?

It all happened very fast – one minute he was walking along the edge of a cliff, minding his own business, the next he was half way down, suspended over the jagged rocks and crashing waves below, by his pants pocket hooked onto a branch.

He felt the fabric begin to weaken and give way….. A few more stitches snapped. The waves pounding the rocks beneath him seemed to be getting closer – and certain death awaited him!

“Help! Is anyone there?” he cried out in anguish. “Help! Please, help me someone!”

Then, as if on a breeze floating by, a voice replied; “Do not hang on – release the fabric from the branch and let go. Trust me. You will float gently down like a feather in the breeze, and you will land softly on a smooth rock. The waters will lap softly against your feet, soothing your every ache, loosening your every tension….’

“Is anyone else there?” he called.

(originally read in "Inside Stories" by Angela Wood & Robin Richardson © 1992)

I wonder how many of us have at sometime or another felt this way? – that we’ve been called on to have faith, but cannot or dare not comply with the ramifications of it; of what such faith actually demands of us……. Heavy maybe? But reflecting on this question feels appropriate these days ……..